Ok, now on a serious note - Honda Element with AWD, Manual transmission, and rooftop tent. Interior is the size of a small NY apartment. With rooftop tent you now have sleeping arrangements for 4 people comfortably (
2 in the tent, and 2 inside either on the bed seats, or on the floor)
It won't crawl rocks, but AWD is very capable of getting you out of any slick/muddy/nasty situation with ease. Even easier when equipped with good all terrain or mud terrain tires. Or the tracks from picture below, if you can find a set in the apocalypse. K24 engine under the hood will keep this box moving with 20-25 MPG average. Great solution for a reliable/spacious/capable bugout vehicle.
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