Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child??

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My GF just informed me last nite that she is pregnant, she repeated her pregnancy test today this morning when she woke up -- for sure its positive. I am in total shock for various reasons, I am a home owner & she is 37 with no prior children neither. This was not planned or premeditated at the least. Lots of things going through my mind at this moment. TOTAL life changer, children/babies are a "huge" responsibility on a daily basis. Not sure what to make of this at the moment.
 
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um, congrats? smile If you weren't planning and premeditating NOT to have a baby, well you know about the birds and the bees grin Yes it is a total life changer (I'm 40 and have 3). For the good unless you're one of those guys who's going to lose it when you realize you can't just keep doing all the same stuff. jeff
 
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Having kids was one of the best things to ever happen to me.. I hope you will feel the same way in the future. Don't think that having a child should force you into marriage or anything like that. Congrats! banana
 
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I'm only 26, but my first was born late September. This year has been, financially, my worst so far, nothing but as-much-work-as-possible and trying to conserve money, and I certainly hope you can say more for yourself, for your sake. I've not yet found some figurative brick wall that some people seem to think comes when you have a child. Having to put BITOG down for a few minutes to hold my son while wifey does something? Yes. But it's precious and I have stages when I'm too wrapped up in BITOG anyway so it's a good dose of perspective. It reduces our flexibility as a couple some but the changes are gradual and even subtle for the most part. Not a ton more expense, either. Unless your lifestyle is on the more frivolous end of the spectrum it really shouldn't be that difficult to start incorporating an addition late next summer into your plans. And unless you totally fail at parenting, you'll grow from and through this. Oh, and congrats!
 
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ls1mike

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Congratulations. Ummmm 45? I had my first at 31. I am 43 today. Good luck man. I couldn't imagine dealing with diapers, late nights and other kids stuff right now. Certainly changes the dynamics of a relationship. Having said that I love my kids and now that the boy is 12 he is a lot of fun. If you are like 90 percent of the population you will just be winging this "parent" thing. So don't be too hard on yourself. It will be fun and you will laugh...a lot.
 
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Congratulations! Yes, it's a life changer and you will have to make lots of adjustments to your current life style, but these things have a a way of working themselves out if you embrace them. My kid was born when I was 40. In some ways it's good to have kids later because you are better prepared for it financially and more responsible. In other ways it's not good because physically your body may not be able to handle the new parent duties as well as if you were in your 20s. Still, parenthood is great, IMO, but it's not for everyone.
 
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I agree with Alex but its not as financial draining as people make it out to be. Responsibilty and time Consuming is what most new Dad's can't handle. I had my children in my late twenties and got it over with. It was fun. I hope you enjoy it. I think alot of men are more mature by 45. I helped my wife with everything. I ve known men that never changed a diaper on thier Children. They probably weren't ready.
 
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Its that your grampa? No, its my dad... laugh Seriously, congrats. Will be easier at your age cause you are more financially secure, smarter, wiser.
 
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COngrats. Get in shape Learn good posture. The common complaint from fresh parents beside sleep deprivation is back pain problems... Enjoy the momma bear next to you. Learn how to do a good massage. ^^^ she will need it Buy good ear plugs. and good pillows. Clean the house. Get a room ready. Learn to walk in silence at night. start thinking about: -names -room color -clothes color -stroller; how do you collapse it under 5 minutes -how do you change a diaper quickly -how do you install a car seat Learn funny songs Invent a new baby language Buy good detergents.................................
 
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Originally Posted By: Panzerman
I agree with Alex but its not as financial draining as people make it out to be. Responsibilty and time Consuming is what most new Dad's can't handle. I had my children in my late twenties and got it over with. It was fun. I hope you enjoy it. I think alot of men are more mature by 45. I helped my wife with everything. I ve known men that never changed a diaper on thier Children. They probably weren't ready.
Its not as financially draining in your late 20's if... You have mom and dad to watch your kids for free. Or.. you are wealthy enough for a single income, and mom stays home. Otherwise its an astronomical daycare bill. Not babysitter, a real daycare. My costs were $1800 a month for 2 boys until first grade back in the early 90's. When I was in early 30's. We owned a house so we both had to work. So you were fortunate.
 
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You are fine. Take a breath and enjoy every moment of this. I hope you have a healthy baby. And you aren't buying diapers and Depends in the same shopping trip, so you got that going for you. On a serious note, I thought I knew what love was. Good relationship with lovely spouse, good childhood, felt cared for and loved. Turns out I didn't know a darn thing. Learned it all (or it came full circle, toss up), the first time I picked my little girl up and held her. You now have someone that depends on you. It can be a bit overwhelming, the reality. Friends, family, wives... they can all leave, gone in a second. The child... big responsibility, bigger reward.
 
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I was 40 when my daughter was born, she's turning 14 tomorrow. Let me tell you, screw what they say that it don't cost that much because, being honest here, it does. A lot. Daycare will eat your lunch. Clothes aren't cheap. Then there is medical, you'll need to get a family plan. It's doable...but you GOT to get your head in the game. Sounds like you're still in shock, but all things will work out. You'll see. My Great-grandfather was 72 when grandpa was born, but that was 1902. Relax. It will be OK, just going to have to make some life changes and maybe a van.
 
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First, congrats on that new life coming into the world! smile What a blessing that child will be for you. Don't be even remotely concerned about your age, its perfectly fine. The child will actually make you a younger version of your self. For example at 55, you will be much more likely to play outdoors with your 9 year old rather than sink into a recliner...You'll see! Pandus13 offered some great advice above, but I want to add one very important thing: Marry your GF, ASAP. Give that child a home with two parents in a lifetime commitment to each other and to the family. thumbsup
 
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Congrats. It may come as a shocker but time will settle it down. Look at it this way. You ll have a little buddy that can change your oil or look up specs on Bitog for you in about 10 years. You ll also be invited to more parties now where single dudes are usually left out of and the "Stigma" of being the weird uncle with no kids is now over!
 
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Oh yeah, forgot about this and gfh is so spot on. I'm 54 and don't feel like it at all. Keeping up with my daughter has kept me busier than I've ever been, and it's been fun. Some trying times and LOT'S of times I had to remind myself that I'm not my father and I don't have to do things the way he did them when I was growing up like....drinking. Up until she was born, I thought drinking was cool because that's all I've ever been around. Her comes the daughter and screw that. Quit. Time will also go by like light speed. Did I mention she turns 14 tomorrow....14.....where in the #ell did those 14 years go? Dude, trust me, I had the same worries and thoughts that you did when I found out I was going to be a Dad....buy you know what....it's been a godsend. Seriously. You'll learn more about love and yourself than you'll ever realize....and be more scared than you've ever been in your life. It's all GOOD! Enjoy the journey and the ride.
 
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Changing my grandsons' diapers is no big deal. Marina is "Nana" and I'm Pops. SIL's parents are local too. Between the 4 of us, my daughter works full time and the grandparents take care of the boys. Waay better than "daycare" Much closer to extended family in a tribal society.
 
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I had my kid when I was 24 years old. Wasn’t easy but my parents helped me out a ton. I’m now 44. A buddy of mine had a baby 3 years ago at age 40 and it went from seeing him once a month to twice a year. Even when we have couples night out, they would seldom make it. All my other friends have kids but the youngest kid is 13 years old. He loves his kid but he is always super busy as everything takes a back seat to the kid. My daughter is out on her own now so I’m an empty nester and enjoying my 40s (golf, fishing, traveling,etc). Can’t imagine changing diapers, late nights, etc at my age). I baby sat my 3 year nephew for a day so my sister can have alone time w her husband, he is a good well behaved kid, has a ton of energy, and he wore me out at the end of the day, lol. Otherwise, congrats to u and your GF. Be patient w both your kid and partner. Protect them from the dangers of this world. I’m sure u will be a great dad. Good luck
 
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