The World Was Shocked That Day My Friends


$200 Site Donor 2023
May 5, 2018
Fairhill Maryland
It was early Saturday morning, and @walterjay helped me tune up my Spartan mower that day.
We made sure that the motor oil met all of the required approvals and the Exxon 93 octane
was pump fresh. Later Walter left after the mower fired up, and all was good. Thanks, Walter!

I began mowing near the walnut orchard located in the back forty.
The sun that day was scorching hot, so I began mowing with extreme urgency as the back forty was really
about 22 acres. My elderly neighbor always said nobody mows as fast as Jimmy. (Her words)
As I flew down the straights with extreme NASCAR alacrity, I noticed a large crowd pulling over and watching me
from the nearby road. People started getting out of their vehicles, cheering and gleefully screaming as I mowed with the fluidity
of an Olympic ballerina. One woman exclaimed to the crowd how graceful it all was to watch.

The crowd grew bigger and bigger that day, and the compliments came in droves. Finally, the police showed up for
crowd management, and they, too, were now singing my praises. One officer said it's like he is floating on a cloud. Truly
unique how he mows with such utter precision.

As I looked at the crowd, which now numbered about 200, I went off track a bit, nearing the walnut trees, but I pulled it off
like it was part of the program. I popped a few wheelies to thrill the children and many unique 360 spins.
The cheers and screams were deafening at this point. And I started losing a bit of my game, and I could not figure out why.
I still drove the Spartan well, but my precision was starting to erode. And as I looked over my shoulder, the crowd began to slightly anger.

One elderly lady looked at another lady and proclaimed the show was over as I struggled to control the beast. Another man said
I looked like a drunken ballerina on quaaludes. At this point, I wasn't able to modulate the throttle or steering on my right side.
At this point, all the skills that won me the crowd's acclaim were all but gone. As the crowd grew increasingly angry, I got a call on my
cell from @ZeeOSix, blaming it all on the filtration. He kept screaming in the phone what about the filtration the filtration.
I said, for God's sakes, dude, I am losing it. I told him I was about 86% dead at this point.

Little did ZeeOSix realize I was so off track that I was in the orchard only about 100 yards from a waterfall and cliff.
I put Zee on hold as @OVERKILL buzzed in, and he said Jim, I did the math, and you are inaccurate. You are only about 84.8976098%
dead. Gee, thanks, dude, and I hung up, and ZeeOSix was still screaming in the phone. What about the filtration and a click is all he heard?

Word got around, and @AutoMechanic buzzed in, and he said Jim, I don't like the Spartan or the Kohler 33 hp motor,
Oh, really, Blake, have you ever seen either? No, he replied, and he got the click....
Once again, as I looked at the crowd, they became violent and were using words I had never heard before. I was closing in on the waterfall
rather swiftly, as time was now against me. I looked at a little boy, and as I read his lips, he said Hey, Mister, watch out for the duck. The duck.
I didn't see no dang duck, so I looked back again, and he was actually saying, Mister, you really suck...

The phone rang again, and it was @Quattro Pete for which I always respect his advice. He said Jim, sometimes you just got to go down with the ship.
Pack it in, dude; the party is over. Gee thanks Quattro...
It really was the end of the rope. More police showed up to quell the riot, and at this point, I was unable to steer, and the waterfall was ever
so close. Then I started channeling the great marine biologist George Louis Costanza as his face appeared to me, and all I could hear
was look within the belly of the beast Jim, the belly of the beast..... The belly Jim the belly.

I frantically reached down into the beast, nearly flipping the mower over, and just then, I felt a rather large obstruction in the belly of the mower.
It was stuck so bad I wasn't able to move it, and I got so frustrated I ripped the lever, and it popped out and landed in my shirt pocket.
I looked down, and it, indeed, was the obstruction.

I put it in the palm of my hand and waived it to the crowd like one of those guys in the bleachers that catches a homerun ball.
The crowd began to cheer and scream once again, to my amazement. Even the police were in total shock as I paraded the walnut to the crowd.
I did three victory runs high fiving the crowd, and I came upon one of the officers that stopped me, and he said Jim, you had nothing to
worry about as I was not going to let you die like that. I was fully ready to shoot you to death so you wouldn't feel the pain of the waterfall.
Uh, Gulp...gee, thanks, buddy.

As I did one final victory lap, a young and beautiful blonde bombshell approached the mower, and she said my name is Leah, permission
to board, please. Sure, I said as she gently sat on my lap! She then whispered into my ear. The world was shocked today, and you, my friend,
shocked it. Just six months later little did I know she too would shock the world as she became "The White Rogue Killer."

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Let me get this straight.
An Osage orange jammed against a steering lever on your mower, right?

But then....
a young and beautiful blonde bombshell approached the mower, and she said my name is Leah, permission
to board, please. Sure, I said as she gently sat on my lap......

Perhaps you did die and she was your Heavenly reward?