The "you can't make this stuff up" thread

I’ll tell one about a crazy or maybe just ignorant customer a few weeks ago. Customer drops off vehicle for vibration at 60mph. I test drive vehicle to verify the complaint and sell a tire balance on it. I test drive after I balance the tires and park it and give the ticket to the advisor. Customer comes to pick up the vehicle and pulls up to the front of the shop and begins honking for a manager to come to her. So manager goes out and she said my car now has more mileage than when I dropped it off to you guys!!! Why does it have more mileage?? And the boss was explaining the test drive and service we recommended she is like well I didn’t authorize my car to be driven by anybody here I told you what is wrong with it so why would you need to drive it and says how she just wanted us to assume what was wrong and sell it and if that didn’t get it she would come back and we would try something else but we shouldn’t drive her car. And she just kept going on and on and eventually the boss says something and she finally leaves after saying how her car lost a couple hundred dollars in value because of the higher wasted mileage on it now.
Yeah. Well. Next time don't test drive to Knoxville and back!
 
Here's a good one, I was out for a walk Saturday and came across a RAV4 under a car cover and for whatever reason I decided to take a picture of it. As I'm walking around the cul-de-sac this woman comes flying out of the house and I'm like crap, this is the woman from the HOA meeting. She moved in and a month later shows up to the HOA meeting, guns blazing without any idea what she's talking about, has no idea why the board is where it is, etc. So since most of the people are older and original owners (houses were built in 1995) I was the only one confronting her. Long story short we're at it again over me taking this picture of her car. Wild thing is she had no idea who I was! Trying not to be too nasty the best I could come up with was calling her "one feisty broad" 🤦‍♂️

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Some people like to talk about how technology is ruining young people’s lives, but I think the HOA Karen’s is a good example of how technology ruins older people’s lives too. People like this don’t have a struggle to deal with on a daily basis. Technology has made her life easy. Shopping is easy, cooking is easy, working from home is easy, house work is easy, everything is easy. So she needs something difficult to put herself into. When people don’t have something to put themselves into they create problems to solve. And this is likely how she does it. She is in desperate need of a real struggle to get some perspective.
 
One of the advantages of an iPhone, a setting to mute unknown callers. I get a few a day that never ring, just go to voicemail. Love that feature.
 
This week alone I've had 6 calls pretending to be the police. If I don't hurry up and pay the money I owe, I'll be arrested. Me being me, tell them to come on over ASAP. Today I just put my phone down on the bench in the shop, and took my dog for a walk. He obviously figured out eventually that I wasn't listening, so hung up, and then called back 8 times while I was gone. What amazes me, is that these morons think for 1 second I take them seriously. What cellphones all need, is a button we can push, that sends out an ear piercing sound to anyone who calls us, we don't want to speak to.
Sadly, far too many people do take those "police" calls seriously and lose money to them. A client lost over $6,000 to a scammer who said she missed a jury summons in the next county over. A couple of months ago another client almost lost over $35,000 to a scammer who said she and her family were under investigation. Fortunately, her family got suspicious of her activities and stopped her from paying over the cash she had taken from her bank account.

I have been told there is a danger to messing with these scanners as they have been known to swat people who play with them.
 
This week alone I've had 6 calls pretending to be the police. If I don't hurry up and pay the money I owe, I'll be arrested. Me being me, tell them to come on over ASAP. Today I just put my phone down on the bench in the shop, and took my dog for a walk. He obviously figured out eventually that I wasn't listening, so hung up, and then called back 8 times while I was gone. What amazes me, is that these morons think for 1 second I take them seriously. What cellphones all need, is a button we can push, that sends out an ear piercing sound to anyone who calls us, we don't want to speak to.
Had a guy hang up on me with one of those calls. He started his spiel about me being behind in payments and that if I didn't pay right now, there would be a warrant written for my arrest and the sheriff would be arresting me as soon as he had the warrant. I told the guy that I was having a really bad time at work and hadn't had a day off for about 6 weeks and could use the time away from work - could they send the sheriff over right now? He hung up on me when I offered to be waiting at the building's entrance so the sheriff wouldn't have to get corporate security to call me to come down.
 
I’ll tell one about a crazy or maybe just ignorant customer a few weeks ago. Customer drops off vehicle for vibration at 60mph. I test drive vehicle to verify the complaint and sell a tire balance on it. I test drive after I balance the tires and park it and give the ticket to the advisor. Customer comes to pick up the vehicle and pulls up to the front of the shop and begins honking for a manager to come to her. So manager goes out and she said my car now has more mileage than when I dropped it off to you guys!!! Why does it have more mileage?? And the boss was explaining the test drive and service we recommended she is like well I didn’t authorize my car to be driven by anybody here I told you what is wrong with it so why would you need to drive it and says how she just wanted us to assume what was wrong and sell it and if that didn’t get it she would come back and we would try something else but we shouldn’t drive her car. And she just kept going on and on and eventually the boss says something and she finally leaves after saying how her car lost a couple hundred dollars in value because of the higher wasted mileage on it now.
Just another low life trying to get something for nothing. It’s happened to me multiple times back in my dealership days. Complete brake overhaul with new pads, shoes, caliper and cylinder kits, rotors and drums. Customer doesn’t drive the car but sits in the drivers seat and says “there’s a problem with the brakes”. It didn’t work. The advisor threatened to call the police….
 
so they needed 20 cars and a grappler to arrest one woman?
I know, right? Reminds me of Houston PD. They had a lone guy holed up in a house last week, they effectivly sent in a whole SWAT army. Armored tanks, armored robots, heavy duty armored trucks, dozens (if not hundreds) of officers armed with military high powered weapons. What a spectacle.
 
In 2020 I was walking in the downtown area of town and made my way to an intersection. I waited patiently for the walk light to illuminate and as soon as it did I made my way across the street. Off to the left I see a car turn left towards me but I figured they would wait so I kept walking. The more I walked, the closer he got, So I started walking faster. Then suddenly I was in front of an opposing turn lane and made eye contact with was seemed like a sensible old man to let him know I was walking there. He steered right for me and gunned it.

Next thing I know everything goes black my left leg has a super sharp pain in it. Then I wake up on on my back. The old man approaches me and stands over top of me while i have blood gushing out of my forehead and tells me I can't walk in front of his car. I was a block away from the fire department and police department so they were there ASAP. Police had to tell the old man to stop approaching my broken body on numerous occasions and I took a $900 ride to a trauma center.

In the following days I told the officer about him steering at me and gunning it along with the comment he made only to be met with silence, but I was told they would ensure his driving days were over. I think they kept him from getting jail time due to his age and possible poor mental state. He was 94 years old at the time.

I got 25k out of the deal which I wish I had gone for more because now I have bursitis in my hip and ankle, but what's done is done. Live and learn.
 
I had to laugh at a woman returning a full sheet cake half eaten for being stale.
That was the old scam.. buy a bigger cake and return half of it for full refund.

We had a bunch of those when I was a waiter at Baker's Square.

Customer: This pie tastes disgusting
Me: Sure didn't look like it for the 3/4 of the pie you ate.

Or when I was a host at my first job at Pappadeaux:

Customer comes in after the kitchen closes at 10pm: They told us you guys were closed at 11pm.
Me: I told you we were closed at 10pm on the phone earlier and told you our other location was open until 11pm.
Customer: *Looks flabbergasted*

Or the usual stuff you see in movies:
Customer: (With one bite left on the plate) This steak is overcooked.
 
Circa 2020 I was on an early morning bike ride on a stretch of country 2 lane road I've ridden hundreds of times. A car approached from the opposite direction and veered completely into my lane, forcing me into the ditch. I would have been hit head on if I didn't ditch myself and the bike. Luckily neither I nor my bike was hurt. To this day I don't know if it was intentional, but that was the day I started using 2 flashing lights on the FRONT of my bike, in addition to the red flashing light on the rear. Never saw that same car again on this route.
 
I just read a bunch of posts justifying a car running the flashing lights on a school bus picking up kids.

Then a video of two guys "pranking" a guy and telling him if he wants to get stabbed. The guy picked up the two "pranksters" and tossed them like they were a doll.
 
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