I definitely would not do the brake clean and lube service, unless there is massive, and I MEAN massive, rust. Otherwise, those things should be done when the pads are replaced. There's no way that I would pay $130 to have that done without the pads, which if they're removing the calipers, takes literally single-digit minutes to do while they're doing that much, though then I'd expect them to overcharge for pads too, so I'd wait and get the brakes done with at least pads if not rotors at a later date - this assuming she has no braking issues at present.
The BG rear diff service is over-priced for what it is, but that's about what you'd expect from shops these days, not so unreasonable in this context. Research in an owner's forum, what mileage the real recommended change interval is - some can't go more than 30K mi and some can go past 100K (arguably, depends on driver, severe service level, and climate too)
I suppose one way of looking at it is how much you are going to participate in this vehicle's maintenance. Everything she has done at a shop is less work for you, even if that work is only to find a different shop. On the other hand, there is much savings to be had by DIY and doing your own inspection and based on that, the decision of what really needs done now vs later, if at all.
Would I get those things done, paying a shop premium at 40K mi? No, I don't pay for elective maintenance before the due mileage or state of needing it. I would have at least consulted you or planned to wait till the next oil change if you were busy at the time.
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