Parenting

[doitmyself]

It's tough to arm chair quarterback on this without knowing all the details. The tone of the OP's concern (my opinion) is that the kids are not being allowed to learn to make mistakes, decisions, learn responsibility, etc. on simple daily matters. This might cause the kids to have difficulties when they venture into the real world, think for themselves, don't have mommy making all their decisions. LOL, yea I'm reading a lot into the OP's post.

Parenting is a real challenge and certainly the fence we walk on is very narrow. Often times the outcome does not reflect what we invested our time in. Certainly no guarantees. Good of Zee09 to respect the parents wishes. Grandkids are different - we have the right to spoil them and wreck all of the parents best intentions!

 

[Barkleymut]

Maybe this would work for me Wife asked me this morning if she needs to buy some more heart attack breakfast sandwiches that I eat every weekend.

 

[Leo99]

I'm divorced and remarried and my kids would ask when at my house because my wife eats certain foods and we go shopping every two weeks. For example, my wife eats one yogurt a day. We buy 16 yogurts. Therefore there are two extra yogurts in the fridge. Once my kids tried it and liked it, we buy 20 yogurts. But most other things they don't ask once they were old enough to understand the yogurt math and why some foods were a free for all and some foods had quotas.

 

[Duffyjr]

I dodn't have any children but I guess I would rather see parents be stricter than letting them run loose. Sometimes at Wally I can hardly stand to be in there with all the screaming kids running around. Maybe it's because I never had children that I'm like this but there is a couple ladies at work that have the best behaved children I have ever seen, then theres another lady's kid that runs around like her hair is on fire, when she tries to discipline the kid she throws a fit. The kid is six, should tantrums be over at that age.

 

[eljefino]

The tone of the OP's concern (my opinion) is that the kids are not being allowed to learn to make mistakes, decisions, learn responsibility, etc. on simple daily matters.

What are these mistakes? "Ooops, I ate too many Doritos, now I can't finish my Brussels Sprouts. Guess I learned something."

LIke the yogurt guy said, kids eat food that's staged for later and throw off the shopping/ stashing rhythm.

 

[AZjeff]

Get the big containers but they have to last a month. I'd like them to have self control but we're not there yet.

Divide into 1/4s, put 1 out a week. Self control might kick in around 25 or so.

Having to ask for food in your own home sounds a bit extreme, there might be more to the story like allergy problems or whatever that need to be monitored. Parenting is a benevolent dictatorship.

Drives me crazy when I hear something like: "Billy I don't want you to eat any more cookies...ok?"

 

[Bud]

I grew up in the 50's. Very strict parents. My kids were born in the middle 70's and I and my wife were strict but not as bad as our parents. I now have grandchildren and they get whatever they want. Times change. Not always for the better. I am part of the problem as I spoil my four grandsons.

 

[Zaedock]

My kids range from 17 to 26. They were brought up with limitations on snacks and junk and as they got older, the limits were relaxed so they could learn to make their own choices. This applied to more than just snacks - homework, chores, etc.
My kids are polite and courteous to others, strive to better themselves and know they are responsible for their own actions. My son just returned from a road trip with my wife to check out RIT and Champlain College. He completely understands the repercussions of not maintaining his grades in order to attend the schools of his choice. At this point, we don't even ask him to do his homework. He gets home from school and does it. Overall, I think my wife and I did OK.

 

[JustN89]

I didn't have to ask if I could eat or drink, but we also didn't keep much soda/sweets in the house, either. Frankly, with my first coming in September, that's probably going to be my strategy as well. However, my parents did drill the practice into my head that whenever I was at a friends house, no matter how comfortable I was with that family, I always asked before I grabbed anything to eat or drink. Including water.

 

[supton]

Sadly this is my house.

Our snack food comes from BJs wholesale-- I make it over there once a month or so. Get the big containers but they have to last a month. Our wholesome food (eg fruit) gets replenished weekly from the supermarket.

Kids gorge on junk then don't have room for dinner. IDK if they're tempted by the big containers and figure there's an endless supply or what. I'd like them to have self control but we're not there yet.

I'd let the run out. Lesson learned--learn how to do portion control and stretch it out, or suffer.

I have one kid who would do just that: divvy it up and figure out how to make it last. The other would be like "meh" and just eat up it, and go without until we replenished the snacks, not caring that he'd go without for a while.

Neither are close to have weight problems, otherwise we'd look at portion control for them.

 

[NitroM3]

LOL this is a fun thread...

I am a military (officer) raised kid. Sooooooo yup I had to ask, and ask and ask....... LOL

Now as a Uncle and when my niece and nephew come and visit use staying over for a few days they ask.... and then I tell them (when the wife is at work) , you guys do what you want I am not your boss. And naturally I get the greatest Uncle award from them. LOL

 

[Pew]

My GF's kids do - but from observation they ask moreso because they're too lazy to grab the food themselves despite being reachable.

 

[doitmyself]

What are these mistakes? "Ooops, I ate too many Doritos, now I can't finish my Brussels Sprouts. Guess I learned something."

LIke the yogurt guy said, kids eat food that's staged for later and throw off the shopping/ stashing rhythm.

The OP's statement "kids have to ask for permission on anything they eat or drink" raised some red flags for me. My reply was very generalized and aimed towards the concept of not being a "helicopter parent" (interesting - look it up).

I think many of us here agree about setting boundaries, teaching responsibility, etc.. My own kids remind me of my parenting mistakes. I now get the pleasure of them being challenged with their children. Computers and media precence make today's parenting several levels more difficult than generations past.

My favorite sadistic comment to parents of young children is to say "just wait until they ask for the car keys and tell you they will be back with new tatoos and/or body piercings". The parents always reply "not MY kids. Never." And I just chuckle..........

 

[Barkleymut]

I dodn't have any children but I guess I would rather see parents be stricter than letting them run loose. Sometimes at Wally I can hardly stand to be in there with all the screaming kids running around. Maybe it's because I never had children that I'm like this but there is a couple ladies at work that have the best behaved children I have ever seen, then theres another lady's kid that runs around like her hair is on fire, when she tries to discipline the kid she throws a fit. The kid is six, should tantrums be over at that age.

maybe, but my son is autistic and he threw insane "tantrums" until his mid teens. He looks normal, most of the time acts normal, but when something set him off........... Maybe we should start a thread on why there are so many autistic kids nowadays. #dupontkills

 

[JTK]

Sadly this is my house.

Our snack food comes from BJs wholesale-- I make it over there once a month or so. Get the big containers but they have to last a month. Our wholesome food (eg fruit) gets replenished weekly from the supermarket.

Kids gorge on junk then don't have room for dinner. IDK if they're tempted by the big containers and figure there's an endless supply or what. I'd like them to have self control but we're not there yet.

That big box quantity always proved to be an issue with our 4 kids as well. Even marginally healthy stuff. We got away from it. The produce situation is hit/miss. If it's great it gets consumed. If so/so, we (or mostly I) wind up throwing it out which I hate to do. My bride will buy with the best of intentions, but it rarely works out and produce only lasts so long.

In terms of Zee09's niece's kids. She sounds like a great parent. I wish her the best!

I've had neighbor kids just go though our fridge or cupboards like it was their own. On one hand I'm happy their comfortable, on the other, I can barely keep my family of 6 fed! LOL.

Kind of wish this was my only issue with my kids now that they're 19, 17, 15 and 10. Things were so much more simple 5yrs ago.

 

[tnt_motorsports]

I spent some time with my niece the other day and noticed her two kids have to ask for permission on anything they eat or drink.

Sort of new to me but as my norm I didn't say anything.
Your thoughts please.
For the sake of conversation only.

how old are the kids? My wife did this when they were smaller to help control what they were eating, fruits and veggies versus sugar and snacks. Once they were older (teenagers) she stopped this.

Just my $0.02

 

[ZeeOSix]

Kid: "Can I eat some Tide Pods?"
Parent: "Sure, just don't ruin your appetite for dinner."

 

[02SE]

It doesn't qualify as abuse, so I'd consider it none of my business.

 

[AutoMechanic]

Ask what they can eat and drink? I’ve been sipping down Mtn Dew and other soda since I was 5 lol. Coffee too. You don’t keep a growing boy from food. When I was growing up I had to ask for certain things like sweets but the answer was almost always yes since they always take so long to decide what to eat lol. One thing I’d never drink is energy drinks… gross the only energy drinks I like is Red Bull because it tastes like cherries but Mtn Dew is more addictive lol. But it’s also her house and her rules too. Like my parents have a strict rule that every visitor and resident must follow and that’s no alcohol on the property period until everyone is over 21 in the family.

 

[aquariuscsm]

When we were kids we had total carte blanche to anything and everything in the fridge and pantry But growing up in the 70s, everything was homemade, fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, milk, and fruit juice. I remember my mom telling us that sodas were only for adults. I still never drink them to this day. All meals were homemade and desert was always fruit.

No one in our family was ever overweight and never had any health problems.