This is my story of my June with my aging parents. They live is So Cal, nice house at some point, near 1/2 acre.
My parents vowed to stay and age in their own home. Vehemently, ignorantly, forcefully and dreamily. It IS what they wanted.
This is not a financial story, as they were very smart with money.
They are now 90 and 92, and have been deteriorating. Dad has some brain plaque, mom has brain atrophy. Father has forms of sundowning and most of the off label psych drugs make it worse. Scary worse. All in the dementia family.
On June 3, my father, 92 was in the kitchen by the refrigerator without his walker. The story goes, phone rang (junk call as usual), he went for phone and fell. Severely fracturing his femur near the hip. I did not have access to his medical records until recently and only saw the X-rays June 18th. The bone splinters were quite extreme. June 4th was his surgery for the repair. I will state up front the ortho surgeon did an absolutely amazing job, visually stunning before and after with 4 incisions.
This incident set forth a series of events that taxed our entire family. My surviving sibling, my brother, was already suffering some burnout from caring for them, including ulcers. I immediately cancelled a previously scheduled vacation trip, flew down using the credit from that trip, plus an extra $100 or so. I scheduled a couple weeks. This was not long enough.
June 5 - Upon arrival I found some level of chaos. My brother had engaged a caregiver company and arrangements were being set it place.to care for my mom while dad was in hospital. Tired from travel. Parents house, dusty, set up camp in nasty back room. Just make a hole in the junk to sleep in. Crash out.
June 6-7 - Dad at hospital. Pretty much out of it, skinnier than skinny. Mom at home worried sick, doesn't remember where dad is. Start making appointments for mom, so skinny. Think concentration camp skinny. I am not exaggerating. They have not been eating, forgetting to eat and eating like people on seriously limited diets. Arrange for mom to get doc evaluation June 10
June 8 10-10:30PM Dad's home hospital bed, lift, chair, walker are delivered. Then dad is brought home rather late Sat night. Discharge papers.
June 9 Dad sleeps, mom worries, no idea what happens from minute to minute. Seems a little sick
June 10 Take mom to GP/IM doc. Gives cognitive ability test. Not good. Need blood test. Mom has runny nose. No fever.
June 11 Setting up caregivers, 24/7 one for each. 8 hour shifts. 6AM, 2PM and 10PM. Negotiate fee structure.
They have enough money for 2 caregivers, 24 hours per day, 365 days. Basically approaching $600,000 per year, not counting any other expenses.
June 12 Take mom for blood draw, Quest
June 13 Dad first nurse visit Mom has cough
June 14 Dad First PT dad has cough
June 15 I move to brother's house. Dust and lousy air in parents house getting to me
June 16 Parents sick Positive Covid test. I'm positive COVID as well. Move back to house, feel OK, thoroughly clean room, wash linens, do wash. Get rid of junk. Isolating in room. Sewer backs up.
June 17 Cancel mom's dietitian appointment
Mom falls, minor hip fracture.
The rest of the month deal with every issue under the sun, get POA. medical permissions, etc
Brother and I tour places for them. Find a good place, a house set up. Nice and professional. Put deposit down.
Move them there while drugged.
About once a week they erupt. Ugggh.
All involved say they will get used to it.
Listen only to this, if nothing else: Don't try to age out in a house and property. It's not just you in that decision.
My parents vowed to stay and age in their own home. Vehemently, ignorantly, forcefully and dreamily. It IS what they wanted.
This is not a financial story, as they were very smart with money.
They are now 90 and 92, and have been deteriorating. Dad has some brain plaque, mom has brain atrophy. Father has forms of sundowning and most of the off label psych drugs make it worse. Scary worse. All in the dementia family.
On June 3, my father, 92 was in the kitchen by the refrigerator without his walker. The story goes, phone rang (junk call as usual), he went for phone and fell. Severely fracturing his femur near the hip. I did not have access to his medical records until recently and only saw the X-rays June 18th. The bone splinters were quite extreme. June 4th was his surgery for the repair. I will state up front the ortho surgeon did an absolutely amazing job, visually stunning before and after with 4 incisions.
This incident set forth a series of events that taxed our entire family. My surviving sibling, my brother, was already suffering some burnout from caring for them, including ulcers. I immediately cancelled a previously scheduled vacation trip, flew down using the credit from that trip, plus an extra $100 or so. I scheduled a couple weeks. This was not long enough.
June 5 - Upon arrival I found some level of chaos. My brother had engaged a caregiver company and arrangements were being set it place.to care for my mom while dad was in hospital. Tired from travel. Parents house, dusty, set up camp in nasty back room. Just make a hole in the junk to sleep in. Crash out.
June 6-7 - Dad at hospital. Pretty much out of it, skinnier than skinny. Mom at home worried sick, doesn't remember where dad is. Start making appointments for mom, so skinny. Think concentration camp skinny. I am not exaggerating. They have not been eating, forgetting to eat and eating like people on seriously limited diets. Arrange for mom to get doc evaluation June 10
June 8 10-10:30PM Dad's home hospital bed, lift, chair, walker are delivered. Then dad is brought home rather late Sat night. Discharge papers.
June 9 Dad sleeps, mom worries, no idea what happens from minute to minute. Seems a little sick
June 10 Take mom to GP/IM doc. Gives cognitive ability test. Not good. Need blood test. Mom has runny nose. No fever.
June 11 Setting up caregivers, 24/7 one for each. 8 hour shifts. 6AM, 2PM and 10PM. Negotiate fee structure.
They have enough money for 2 caregivers, 24 hours per day, 365 days. Basically approaching $600,000 per year, not counting any other expenses.
June 12 Take mom for blood draw, Quest
June 13 Dad first nurse visit Mom has cough
June 14 Dad First PT dad has cough
June 15 I move to brother's house. Dust and lousy air in parents house getting to me
June 16 Parents sick Positive Covid test. I'm positive COVID as well. Move back to house, feel OK, thoroughly clean room, wash linens, do wash. Get rid of junk. Isolating in room. Sewer backs up.
June 17 Cancel mom's dietitian appointment
Mom falls, minor hip fracture.
The rest of the month deal with every issue under the sun, get POA. medical permissions, etc
Brother and I tour places for them. Find a good place, a house set up. Nice and professional. Put deposit down.
Move them there while drugged.
About once a week they erupt. Ugggh.
All involved say they will get used to it.
Listen only to this, if nothing else: Don't try to age out in a house and property. It's not just you in that decision.
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