OVERKILL
$100 Site Donor 2021
My grandparents on my dad's side had similar aspirations of dying at home on their 100 acre farm. Grandpa was the "Terminator", survived breaking his neck in his 80's falling off the roof (was up with an axe trying to remove an ice dam), then later a punctured lung compounded by pneumonia after falling down the concrete basement stairs with his neck brace on, which led to 5x back-to-back heart attacks. Still ended up back home for several years after that.
Both were suffering mental decline, though grandpa's true condition was muddied by his alcoholism (hence being on the roof). I think he was in better shape than she was, she'd had several strokes in her early 80's and that seemed to precipitate a moderate rate of mental decline (dementia).
Despite considerable home care, things were not great and my grandfather got harder and harder to deal with (he was angry and uncomfortable due to the injuries) and eventually ended up having to be taken from the home after getting abusive. Once he realized he wasn't going home he went to sleep and didn't wake up.
The whole situation was an absolute nightmare for my dad and his brother to deal with, like your situation. It drains you.
Grandma was checked into a home once grandpa was gone, she was forgetting who people were and was adamant that she was going home to the farm "any time now". She lived there for several years, passed away at 93.
My parents are now in their 70's and, like yours, have considerable financial resources. My mom is quite sedentary, while my dad, like his dad, is pretty hyper, so stays active, though we are concerned and watching for any signs of mental decline (because of what happened with his parents), since he's my mom's primary caregiver, manages all the finances, does the shopping...etc. Mom, even with two new knees, still won't put in the effort to exercise like she's supposed to, and we are concerned this is going to lead to a situation where she can't, not just won't.
It's not easy, and I remember my grandparent's situation being a nightmare, and yours sounds considerably worse, so I can't even begin to imagine the stress that put on you guys.
My good friend, when faced with considerable physical pain, also in his 80's, arranged for assisted and "peaced-out" on his own terms. I still struggle with that situation, as he was otherwise in excellent health and sharp as a tack, but the decision was ultimately his to make. My dad's brother developed terminal cancer and also decided to exit via assisted, that decision was far easier to handle.
Both were suffering mental decline, though grandpa's true condition was muddied by his alcoholism (hence being on the roof). I think he was in better shape than she was, she'd had several strokes in her early 80's and that seemed to precipitate a moderate rate of mental decline (dementia).
Despite considerable home care, things were not great and my grandfather got harder and harder to deal with (he was angry and uncomfortable due to the injuries) and eventually ended up having to be taken from the home after getting abusive. Once he realized he wasn't going home he went to sleep and didn't wake up.
The whole situation was an absolute nightmare for my dad and his brother to deal with, like your situation. It drains you.
Grandma was checked into a home once grandpa was gone, she was forgetting who people were and was adamant that she was going home to the farm "any time now". She lived there for several years, passed away at 93.
My parents are now in their 70's and, like yours, have considerable financial resources. My mom is quite sedentary, while my dad, like his dad, is pretty hyper, so stays active, though we are concerned and watching for any signs of mental decline (because of what happened with his parents), since he's my mom's primary caregiver, manages all the finances, does the shopping...etc. Mom, even with two new knees, still won't put in the effort to exercise like she's supposed to, and we are concerned this is going to lead to a situation where she can't, not just won't.
It's not easy, and I remember my grandparent's situation being a nightmare, and yours sounds considerably worse, so I can't even begin to imagine the stress that put on you guys.
My good friend, when faced with considerable physical pain, also in his 80's, arranged for assisted and "peaced-out" on his own terms. I still struggle with that situation, as he was otherwise in excellent health and sharp as a tack, but the decision was ultimately his to make. My dad's brother developed terminal cancer and also decided to exit via assisted, that decision was far easier to handle.
