Not Wanting To Be Involved In Siblings Wedding

vavavroom said:
Just a few thoughts.

Never agree to do anything you absolutely don't want to do.
Asking family members to do something you know they don't want to do is just as selfish as not wanting to participate in a family event.
Alcohol could be the solution.
Click to expand...
Yeah but we are not talking about knocking off a spouse, or even future spouse.
 
I have been to quite a few weddings and I've always had fun. I've never been a groomsman though. Stand there and look pretty for all the pictures (it sucks. You'll survive) once all the pictures and stuff are over, enjoy a nice wedding dinner and talk to some people you haven't seen in a long time, or make some new friends. There's usually a few people who got dragged there against their will by wives and relatives, maybe you can go commiserate with them.

Most of the weddings I've been to were cousins or uncles getting married, and so there's always some relative that you haven't seen in years to catch up with.
 
Bailes1992 said:
I don't really care about the cost. I know it's in excess of £30,000 and a comment was made yesterday by her future husband was that he was putting the suits on a credit card.

I do feel like the money would be better spent elsewhere. They own a 13 year old Ford Fiesta (their only car) that is literally falling to pieces. Or the money would be a good deposit on maybe a small flat or house somewhere they could rent out for a future income? But I'm not going to judge. But it wouldn't be my first choice.

My Wife and I (both introverts) went to Gretna Green to get married. It's 320ish miles away from where we live. We gave our parents the option to come if they wanted to, they both did. I was glad of that, but also glad we didn't have a huge audience. The wedding was £1,500 including 3 hotel rooms for 2 nights.
Click to expand...

I tend to be more judgmental and vocal about it. It's not one of my finer qualities.

My wife and I got married at a local small chapel with just 14 guests. Only her mother was there as far as family goes, the rest were friends. My wife made our cake (and it was darn good) and we had nice party at our house with drinking and cards against humanity well into the morning hours. I have a picture of me wearing another woman's bra on my head, which I have only limited recollection of, that my wife brings up often to poke fun at me. We had a great time! lol I think total we spent ~$750 (~£600) and at least half of that was on food and alcohol.

To me, the whole concept of a wedding, regardless of cost, is pretentious. Have a party to celebrate, sure. Go on a nice honeymoon. The rest is just for a piece of paper IMO. The cost is a big factor still though. I know of several couples who ran themselves in a deep hole and ended up fighting and divorcing over financial matters because they spent all of their money on one stupid day instead of investing in their future together.
 
RDY4WAR said:
I tend to be more judgmental and vocal about it. It's not one of my finer qualities.

My wife and I got married at a local small chapel with just 14 guests. Only her mother was there as far as family goes, the rest were friends. My wife made our cake (and it was darn good) and we had nice party at our house with drinking and cards against humanity well into the morning hours. I have a picture of me wearing another woman's bra on my head, which I have only limited recollection of, that my wife brings up often to poke fun at me. We had a great time! lol I think total we spent ~$750 (~£600) and at least half of that was on food and alcohol.

To me, the whole concept of a wedding, regardless of cost, is pretentious. Have a party to celebrate, sure. Go on a nice honeymoon. The rest is just for a piece of paper IMO. The cost is a big factor still though. I know of several couples who ran themselves in a deep hole and ended up fighting and divorcing over financial matters because they spent all of their money on one stupid day instead of investing in their future together.
Click to expand...
This is the best kind of wedding. Small, cheap, fun. No fancy buildings, no schedule to follow, less overbearing and cranky distant relatives.
 
Pablo said:
Yeah but we are not talking about knocking off a spouse, or even future spouse.
Click to expand...
There could be many reasons a person would not want to participate in any or one particular kind of social event. OP said he was an introvert. Attending may be like getting raked over the coals due to a past experience. The thought and lead-up to having to attend may be worse for him than attending the actual event. Why should he be forced to put himself through it? He's clearly uncomfortable right now. People are complex and one shouldn't judge too harshly. I don't do funerals - unless I need to make sure the person is really gone.
 
alarmguy said:
Agree but you pick and choose, he has done things for people too. But you dont do everything for everyone at every request, even way more so when you lose sleep over it.
Click to expand...
All true statements, but hopefully...she only gets married once and it is for his sister. For me personally that is one I would suck it up for. However I don't know their relationship.
 
I will also caveat my responses by saying: having been underway for two weddings and the funerals of 3 of my grandparents. I try not miss any events like that anymore. I am trying not to be judgmental, but OP did ask what people thought.
 
Are you familiar with the three rings of marriage? The first one is the engagement ring, the second one is the wedding ring, and the third one is the suffering.
 
OP, my brother asked me 25+ years ago (pre-internet) to be his best man. I agreed even though I had terrible anxiety about it. It turned out to be miserable for everyone. I had never been to a wedding as an adult and had no idea what was expected of me. It was humiliating; I didn't even know I was supposed to give a toast until the night before when the other groomsmen asked me about it, and I totally flubbed it. I still regret saying yes - everyone would have been better off if I had bowed out.

Granted being a groomsman is not quite the same as being best man, but it does involve a lot of forced socializing and performing.

Don't let anyone tell you it's your "duty" to say yes. It's okay to change your mind. You don't have to do it if you don't want to.
 
vavavroom said:
There could be many reasons a person would not want to participate in any or one particular kind of social event. OP said he was an introvert. Attending may be like getting raked over the coals due to a past experience. The thought and lead-up to having to attend may be worse for him than attending the actual event. Why should he be forced to put himself through it? He's clearly uncomfortable right now. People are complex and one shouldn't judge too harshly. I don't do funerals - unless I need to make sure the person is really gone.
Click to expand...
I apologize to OP for my insensitivity.

I thought he could turn it around to an empowering event. Doesn't sound like it. I'm sorry.
 
Your life your choice, not getting involved is a choice to be made by you, of your own free will!
BUT
Do not get offended if she misses the wedding of your son or daughter, or disappears from your life in the future.
This type of tension is common in many families and someone needs to put an end. Life is too short, family is to be cherished - sooner than later.

Good luck.
 
Arent the groomsmen chosen by the groom? Is the OP even friends with the groom? What I want to know is why the sister insists on her brother performing a role he objects to. She probably knew he didn't care for that kind of thing even before asking him, so why would she insist? What is she going to make her husband do?

I presume the OP has consulted other family members and his own wife regarding this.
 
Last edited:
Pablo said:
Wife and I flew to HI to attend a funeral. Nice service and spread.

I did not know the depth of animosity. Actual physical fight broke out. I can tell you I would never want to be punched by a large Hawaiian woman.
Click to expand...
Every time you have a group of people some of whom necessarily despise each other you get tension.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

slo town
End of life experience during my Dad's passing
2 3
Replies
49
Views
2K
bbhero
redbone3
A family history
Replies
0
Views
166
redbone3
G
Neighbor Issue
2
Replies
30
Views
2K
Pablo
shortyb
Lost 135lbs.
2
Replies
23
Views
813
4WD
C
Parenting concerns
2 3 4
Replies
65
Views
2K
fat biker
Back
Top Bottom