My friend's wife......

[bdcardinal]

Originally Posted By: bvance554
She must be really hot.....


Literally my thoughts the whole time reading this. My level of tolerance for a hot chic is eleventy billion times higher than an ugly one.

As said before don't leave yourself alone with the wife or any of the kids, this is California, the land of fruits and nuts.

My best friend hooked up with this really ugly fat chic that kept trying to hook me up with her uglier more morbidly obese friends. He could tell I didn't like her because anytime we were out I acted like she wasn't there. Literally she would talk, and I would ignore her in conversation. Our other friends started doing the same until he got the hint that we didn't like her.

 

[LeakySeals]

Don't judge all marriages by that one. My HS friends on Facebook indicate most marriages worked, they are still happy after 20+ years. When they start with the pics and "happy birthday to my best friend" posts it makes me wanna..

because mine didn't work out. Biyatch.

 

[LoneRanger]

I'd stay out of it if it were me. "No good deed goes unpunished"

 

[Donald]

A high percentage of women are nutcases.

I am easily able to find them, and sometimes marry them.

Be there for your friend. Counseling on an individual basis is probably needed.

 

[147_Grain]

Grateful my wife and children are just the opposite!

 

[PandaBear]

Originally Posted By: Tempest
Quote:
I am a bachelor for life, and he will not discuss his marriage with me, but will with our other married friends, and what they convey to me is that I don't know the half of it, and he has asked them not to share.

He may not be the friend you think he is. This is just weird.


Agree. To your friend you may be just as annoying as his wife and he doesn't want to deal with you talking about her because of that.

I have a hard to deal with wife, and I know friends and my parents think of her as a "tough cookies" (that's an understatement). However the last thing I want to do is to deal with the mess of mixing them together. Compartmentalize is the key to happiness in life.

 

[Bladecutter]

Originally Posted By: wrcsixeight
I've told him on numerous occasions that her odd, insulting, and unacceptable behavior was being overlooked, by his close friends,because of the like and respect for him. I can't talk about his marriage with him, but I made sure he knew this before he married her, and before she got pregnant, and that he can't possibly supply her with all the help she needs. I don't think a fleet of psychiatrists could help her.

More recently, I've been avoiding any gathering where the wife and kids will be present, as it is so stressful to witness the children's minds be warped, and my friend to be so disrespected, and emasculated by the psycho wife.

As his friend, I don't know what to do to help him. Continue with the poker face and pretend I don't notice how crazy and unacceptable her behavior is? Or just go off on her and let her know the full contempt everybody feels for her actions, words and behavior. I've suppressed the latter desire for the last 15+ years.

It is just so hard to witness a good man, a good friend, being destroyed by an evil, manipulative woman.

What to do? I'm to see them tomorrow night when a mutual friend is in town.


Unfortunately, you've already let too much time pass without trying to help your friend, and let her win. The only thing you can do is tell him that no matter what happens, when she finally drops the atomic bomb on his head, he can come stay with you, and you will help him dispose of her carcass if need be.

Or better yet, just let him know you will split the cost of a private detective with him, when he needs enough ammo to bury her in court. Honestly, this should be done before she drops the atomic bomb on his head. Nothing defuses that bomb quicker than saying in the middle of that mess that "I have photos and audio of you and XXXX for the past 2 years, sitting in my best friend wrcsixeight's safe deposit box. Are you sure you want to go there with me?"

Just let him know that you've got his back, no matter when he needs you, and that's the best you will ever be able to do.

BC.

 

[NJC]

Originally Posted By: aquariuscsm
If he's a lifelong close friend,have a serious talk with him. I'd avoid confrontation with the wife as well.

I agree, avoid talking to his wife or trying to change her character. But do persist with helping your friend set relational boundaries and salvage his marriage (if possible).

If they were childless then it would be different, they are free to self-destruct with great vigour. But there are kids involved, and they are keenly watching and absorbing the relational dynamics of Mom and Dad.

 

[Kruse]

Originally Posted By: wrcsixeight


What to do? I'm to see them tomorrow night when a mutual friend is in town.


Drink lots of booze, continually bite your tongue, and get out of there right after the instance of leaving early would be bad manners.
It's that guy's fault for walking down the aisle, don't make it yours.

 

[fireman32]

Originally Posted By: Donald
A high percentage of women are nutcases.


ive figured this out the hard way, my last ex sounds similar to the OP's friends wife

 

[spasm3]

If he has been in this situation this long, he is not willing to change or walk away. I can tell you it will get worse and all you can do is not let it bleed over on you.( I agree never be alone with the wife or kids in any combination or situation). I would not bring it up but he might at times vent, even then he will probably not want to change. The best friend you can be is to just listen, not offer too much advice, let him vent. DO not let it affect you, at some point self preservation must be on your mind and you will walk away from the whole situation so that you can keep your wits.

 

[SatinSilver]

Share some of your problems with him. It may prompt him to share some things with you. Two way street.

 

[OtisBlkR1]

Originally Posted By: Tempest
Quote:
I am a bachelor for life, and he will not discuss his marriage with me, but will with our other married friends, and what they convey to me is that I don't know the half of it, and he has asked them not to share.

He may not be the friend you think he is. This is just weird.


I kinda thought this too, if your friend ask's your opinion.. be there for him, otherwise its not your place.. Dont go digging in someone else's yard.

 

[Shaman]

From my prospective

He doesn't think the same way about your friendship. He has compartmentalized you. Some things he won't talk to you about. Lifelong or not, there is the possibility that you may get a different kind of lifelong out of the friendship. See if he wants to talk, and if not, then consider ending the friendship. When I married my wife, my father said you marry the family. They are great when we don't live under the same roof. The same thing happens with friends, you "friend" the family. You have 2,3,4,5 bads and 1 good. To me, there are too many other people in the world than to hang on to a bad "ship" friend or relation.

 

[Drew99GT]

Originally Posted By: andrewg
In all likelihood, this friend of yours chose this woman because he himself has some serious personal issues. It seems evident to me that he does little to remedy the situation....and because he knows that he's being foolish in the way he's been dealing with it....he won't include you in marital conversation for fear of disclosing his actions in all this. He sounds to me like a real milk toast of a guy that has had self esteem problems most of his life. I have a 'friend' that has had similar problems. He's had nothing but trouble with the females he chooses. Turned out HE was making very poor choices because HE was all screwed up most of his life. He will never change and after thirty years of listening to his complaining I had had enough of being dragged down. We really aren't friends anymore and I feel fine about that....good in fact. If I were in your shoes, I would slowly withdraw from this guy and his venomous relationship BEFORE you get involved in a way that negatively effects your life. This nonsense about sticking with friends when they are self destructive (or refuse to change/fix situations) is a ticket to frustration.
Find other friends that will lift you up or at least not drag you down with conditions of discussion on topics they choose. Sorry, the guy sounds like a doormat.

The fact the OPer is worried about a "life long friend" who won't even confide in him, but will to others, is bizarre. Doesn't sound like much of a friendship. And if that is the case, why even get involved if it's going to bring you down? "friends" talking amongst one another about other friends is usually the exit sign for me. I already went through kindergarten.

 

[GreeCguy]

Let's not forget the OP is single and all the other buddies in his friends life are married. If I want wisdom or advice on say, how to repair my car, I don't visit my wife's hair dresser.

 

[SatinSilver]

If he thinks you've never been laid before then he's not going to tell you anything. You have to tell him whats going on with your love life in order for him to talk about his.

 

[andrewg]

Originally Posted By: GreeCguy
Let's not forget the OP is single and all the other buddies in his friends life are married. If I want wisdom or advice on say, how to repair my car, I don't visit my wife's hair dresser.

It really doesn't matter if he's married or not....we all, as friends, should be allowed to express our opinion about whatever the subject is. I've had folks with no experience at many things have opinions I've found highly valid.....while others that HAD experience at stuff giving me opinions that were simply wrong. They are SUPPOSED to be friends. Sounds more like a game with rules to me.

 

[DuckRyder]

This sounds like it could make a Dr Phil 2 parter, but I'll offer some thoughts...

Don't engage or attack her, if he's half a man you'll lose every time. If you "just go off on her and let her know the full contempt everybody feels for her actions, words and behavior." He and "everybody" will probably turn on you, never presume to speak for another.

If you've got some direct evidence that she's unfaithful it is your duty to tell him, it may end your friendship but that is the way the cookie crumbles. You better be darn sure you are right too...

You should also probably tell him that his "friends" who he asked "not to share" are blabbing the stuff they aren't supposed to be sharing to you... He might need a new wife, but it sounds like he needs some new friends too...

 

[wrcsixeight]

Originally Posted By: GreeCguy
Let's not forget the OP is single and all the other buddies in his friends life are married. If I want wisdom or advice on say, how to repair my car, I don't visit my wife's hair dresser.


This.

I would be the last person I would seek out for marital advice, and I don't blame him in the least for not confiding in me about his marital issues. I am not an easy person to talk to and will always recommend talking to someone with experience in the subject matter instead.

Before he married her, I made a couple attempts to relate to him it was not a wise decision. His brother and I confronted him before and after and before she got pregnant and he threw up a wall and we backed off. It is like he is obligated to do everything she wants without thought to his own happiness.

She is not hot. Perhaps when he first met her she was somewhat attractive, certainly not fat, but not now. When he met her, he could literally have had any girl he wanted, all the hotties were chasing him, and when he fell for her we were all stunned and assumed she was the one who could remove chrome from a trailer hitch.

Our friendship has been strained for a while now, but recently we both have been making attempts to keep it going. I have seen her pick up his phone and read incoming texts in the past and called her on it, she acted like it was well within her rights. I told her I thought it was disgusting. I think many texts that I send which are not responded to, have been either erased by her, or he never noticed my text because she already read it. I've asked him about this and there is always an excuse like yeah I got it but was busy or forgot, but I can tell it was news to him.

We go surfing together, and the last topic I am going to bring up out there is what he goes out there to escape from. The last time we paddled out, he did bring up his concern about his son's behavior, which was mimicry of his wife's behavior. I related this, and he said perhaps. I gave 3 examples of how it was exactly how she behaves, going back 10+ years to the first example. Forest for the trees and all that. A wave came in, we split the peak and that was the end of the topic.