For you newlyweds, not so newlyweds and almost weds. Read and
>beware...
>
>Subject: Point system
>
>In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
>Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes &
>points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something
>she expects... Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a
>guide to the point system.
>
>Simple Duties
> -------------
>You make the bed...................................................+1
>You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..........0
>You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........................-1
>You leave the toilet seat up.......................................-5
>You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty...................0
>When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex........-1
>When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
>You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with
>wings..............................................................+5
>But return with beer...............................................-5
>You check out a suspicious noise at night...........................0
>You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...................0
>You check out a suspicious noise and it's something................+5
>You pummel it with a six iron.....................................+10
>It's her father...................................................-10
>
>Social Engagements
>------------------
>You stay by her side the entire party...............................0
>You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
>drinking buddy.............................................-2
>Named Tiffany......................................................-4
>Tiffany is a dancer................................................-6
>Tiffany has implants...............................................-8
>When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her
>lovingly...........................................................+1
>When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain"
>and pat her on the rump............................................-5
>When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you
>think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive
>as you".................................+1
>When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's
>attractive, you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"..........-6 That
>woman is her sister..........................................-90
>You have one drink, and that's it...................................0
>You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle.......-2
>You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted....-18
>
>Saturday Afternoons
>------------------
>You go to the mall together.........................................+3
>You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car.+4
>You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a
>sports bar .........................................................-2
>You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it.....+3
>You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional.....0
>You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk ..............+3
>Most of it chips and beer ..........................................-6
>You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den.....+15
>Or refinishing the floors..........................................+16
>Or rewiring the basement...........................................+17
>Or adding a second floor...........................................+18
>Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket........-6
>And you're tickled pink about it...................................-15
>You visit her parents............................................... 0
>You visit her parents and actually make conversation ...............+3
>You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television .........-3
>And the television is off...........................................-6
>You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear.-6
>And you didn't even go to college..................................-10
>And it's not your underwear........................................-15
>
>Her Birthday
>------------
>You take her out to dinner...........................................0
>You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ...............+1
>Okay, it is a sports bar............................................-2
>And it's all-you-can-eat night......................................-3
>It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
>the colors of your favorite team...........................-10
>You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player........+3
>You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and
>sing................................................................+4
>If you stink........................................................+2
>If you're not half bad..............................................+5
>You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to
>much applause.......................................................-2
>You give her a gift..................................................0
>You give her a gift and it's a small appliance ....................-10
>You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance .................+1
>You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate.........................+2
>You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months ..........+30
>You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day ........-10
>With her credit card...............................................-30
>And whatever you bought is two sizes too big ......................-40
>
>Thoughtfulness
> --------------
>You forget her birthday completely.................................-20
>You forget your anniversary........................................-30
>You forget to pick her up at the bus station.......................-45
>Which is in Newark, New Jersey.....................................-50
>And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast........................-60
>
>A Night Out With The Boys
> -------------------------
>Go out with a pal ..................................................-5
>And the pal is happily married .....................................-4
>Or frighteningly single ............................................-7
>And he drives a Mustang............................................-10
>With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) .....................-15
>You have a few beers................................................-9
>And miss curfew by an hour.........................................-12
>You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call.....................-20
>You get home at 3 am...............................................-30
>You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars ...........-40
>And not wearing any pants..........................................-50
>Is that a tattoo??................................................-200
>
>Her Night Out
> -------------
>You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from
>work................................................................+5
>She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home
>late...............................................................+10
>You wait up........................................................+15
>She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed....+20
>
>A Night At Home
> ---------------
>You watch TV together............................................... 0
>You rent a movie....................................................+2
>You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY ......................+3
>It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout..............+5
>It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep........................-1
>It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool .............-2
>
>A Night Out
> -----------
>You take her to a movie.............................................+2
>You take her to a movie she likes...................................+4
>You take her to a movie you hate ...................................+6
>You take her to a movie you like....................................-2
>It's called DeathCop 3..............................................-3
>Which features cyborgs having sex...................................-9
>You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans..............-15
>
>Flowers
> -------
>You buy her flowers only when it's expected......................... 0
>You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the [censored] of it ........+20
>You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself ..........+30
>And she contracts Lyme disease.....................................-25
>
>Your Physique
> -------------
>You develop a noticeable potbelly..................................-15
>You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it....+10
>You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
>Hawaiian shirts.....................................................-5
>
>Finances
> --------
>You spend a lot of money on something impractical...................-5
>Something she can't use............................................-10
>Such a motorized model airplane....................................-20
>And she got a small appliance for her birthday.....................-40
>
>Driving
> --------
>You lost the directions on a trip...................................-4
>You lost the directions and end up getting lost....................-10
>You end up getting lost in a bad part of town .....................-15
>You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and
>personal...........................................................-25
>You know them......................................... ............-60
>
>The Big Question
> ----------------
>She asks, "Do I look fat?"..........................................-5
>(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in
>responding.........................................-10
>You reply, "Where?"................................................-35
>
>Communication
> -------------
>When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what
>looks like a concerned expression....................................0
>When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes.............+5
>You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV......+10
>She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..................-20
>beware...
>
>Subject: Point system
>
>In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
>Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes &
>points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something
>she expects... Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a
>guide to the point system.
>
>Simple Duties
> -------------
>You make the bed...................................................+1
>You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..........0
>You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........................-1
>You leave the toilet seat up.......................................-5
>You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty...................0
>When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex........-1
>When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
>You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with
>wings..............................................................+5
>But return with beer...............................................-5
>You check out a suspicious noise at night...........................0
>You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...................0
>You check out a suspicious noise and it's something................+5
>You pummel it with a six iron.....................................+10
>It's her father...................................................-10
>
>Social Engagements
>------------------
>You stay by her side the entire party...............................0
>You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
>drinking buddy.............................................-2
>Named Tiffany......................................................-4
>Tiffany is a dancer................................................-6
>Tiffany has implants...............................................-8
>When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her
>lovingly...........................................................+1
>When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain"
>and pat her on the rump............................................-5
>When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you
>think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive
>as you".................................+1
>When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's
>attractive, you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"..........-6 That
>woman is her sister..........................................-90
>You have one drink, and that's it...................................0
>You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle.......-2
>You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted....-18
>
>Saturday Afternoons
>------------------
>You go to the mall together.........................................+3
>You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car.+4
>You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a
>sports bar .........................................................-2
>You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it.....+3
>You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional.....0
>You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk ..............+3
>Most of it chips and beer ..........................................-6
>You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den.....+15
>Or refinishing the floors..........................................+16
>Or rewiring the basement...........................................+17
>Or adding a second floor...........................................+18
>Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket........-6
>And you're tickled pink about it...................................-15
>You visit her parents............................................... 0
>You visit her parents and actually make conversation ...............+3
>You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television .........-3
>And the television is off...........................................-6
>You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear.-6
>And you didn't even go to college..................................-10
>And it's not your underwear........................................-15
>
>Her Birthday
>------------
>You take her out to dinner...........................................0
>You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ...............+1
>Okay, it is a sports bar............................................-2
>And it's all-you-can-eat night......................................-3
>It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
>the colors of your favorite team...........................-10
>You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player........+3
>You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and
>sing................................................................+4
>If you stink........................................................+2
>If you're not half bad..............................................+5
>You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to
>much applause.......................................................-2
>You give her a gift..................................................0
>You give her a gift and it's a small appliance ....................-10
>You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance .................+1
>You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate.........................+2
>You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months ..........+30
>You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day ........-10
>With her credit card...............................................-30
>And whatever you bought is two sizes too big ......................-40
>
>Thoughtfulness
> --------------
>You forget her birthday completely.................................-20
>You forget your anniversary........................................-30
>You forget to pick her up at the bus station.......................-45
>Which is in Newark, New Jersey.....................................-50
>And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast........................-60
>
>A Night Out With The Boys
> -------------------------
>Go out with a pal ..................................................-5
>And the pal is happily married .....................................-4
>Or frighteningly single ............................................-7
>And he drives a Mustang............................................-10
>With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) .....................-15
>You have a few beers................................................-9
>And miss curfew by an hour.........................................-12
>You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call.....................-20
>You get home at 3 am...............................................-30
>You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars ...........-40
>And not wearing any pants..........................................-50
>Is that a tattoo??................................................-200
>
>Her Night Out
> -------------
>You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from
>work................................................................+5
>She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home
>late...............................................................+10
>You wait up........................................................+15
>She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed....+20
>
>A Night At Home
> ---------------
>You watch TV together............................................... 0
>You rent a movie....................................................+2
>You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY ......................+3
>It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout..............+5
>It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep........................-1
>It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool .............-2
>
>A Night Out
> -----------
>You take her to a movie.............................................+2
>You take her to a movie she likes...................................+4
>You take her to a movie you hate ...................................+6
>You take her to a movie you like....................................-2
>It's called DeathCop 3..............................................-3
>Which features cyborgs having sex...................................-9
>You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans..............-15
>
>Flowers
> -------
>You buy her flowers only when it's expected......................... 0
>You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the [censored] of it ........+20
>You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself ..........+30
>And she contracts Lyme disease.....................................-25
>
>Your Physique
> -------------
>You develop a noticeable potbelly..................................-15
>You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it....+10
>You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
>Hawaiian shirts.....................................................-5
>
>Finances
> --------
>You spend a lot of money on something impractical...................-5
>Something she can't use............................................-10
>Such a motorized model airplane....................................-20
>And she got a small appliance for her birthday.....................-40
>
>Driving
> --------
>You lost the directions on a trip...................................-4
>You lost the directions and end up getting lost....................-10
>You end up getting lost in a bad part of town .....................-15
>You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and
>personal...........................................................-25
>You know them......................................... ............-60
>
>The Big Question
> ----------------
>She asks, "Do I look fat?"..........................................-5
>(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in
>responding.........................................-10
>You reply, "Where?"................................................-35
>
>Communication
> -------------
>When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what
>looks like a concerned expression....................................0
>When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes.............+5
>You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV......+10
>She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..................-20
