Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction, honey.
Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass
destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll
Find
something, probably right before the 2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use
in a
war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we
went to War with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those
weapons,
so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend
themselves.
Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if they
had
all those big weapons to fight us back with?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.
Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those
Weapons
our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those
Weapons.
We had another good reason to invade them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein
was
a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade
another country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his
country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic
competitor,
where millions of people work for slave wages in
sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate
gain,
it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?
A: Right.
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government.
People who
criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and
tortured.
Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while
China is Communist.
Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are
sent
to prison and tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly.
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other
hand,
is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some
Laws
that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with
Cuba
until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like
us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and
started
doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become
capitalists?
A: Don't be a smart-*** .
Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam
Hussein
came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a
Legitimate leader anyway.
Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a
country By
force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the
United States.
Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is
our
friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by
Forcibly
overthrowing the legitimate government of a Nation is an
Illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he
helped us
invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, Fifteen of them Saudi
Arabians,
hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into
buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive
rule of
the Taliban.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were
from
Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the Mujahadeen repel the Soviet
invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald
Reagan
talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We
call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets - I mean, the Russians - are now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years
after
they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support
our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the
French
and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French
Fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what
We
want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.
Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him
our
friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah*, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked
the
other way, to show him we were his friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically
becomes our
friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an
enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can
profit
by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the
better.
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for
America.
Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a
Godless
un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him
what
to do.
Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because
George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your
eyes,
make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.
Good night, Daddy
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction, honey.
Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass
destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll
Find
something, probably right before the 2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use
in a
war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we
went to War with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those
weapons,
so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend
themselves.
Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if they
had
all those big weapons to fight us back with?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.
Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those
Weapons
our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those
Weapons.
We had another good reason to invade them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein
was
a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade
another country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his
country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic
competitor,
where millions of people work for slave wages in
sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate
gain,
it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?
A: Right.
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government.
People who
criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and
tortured.
Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while
China is Communist.
Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are
sent
to prison and tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly.
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other
hand,
is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some
Laws
that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with
Cuba
until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like
us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and
started
doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become
capitalists?
A: Don't be a smart-*** .
Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam
Hussein
came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a
Legitimate leader anyway.
Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a
country By
force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the
United States.
Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is
our
friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by
Forcibly
overthrowing the legitimate government of a Nation is an
Illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he
helped us
invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, Fifteen of them Saudi
Arabians,
hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into
buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive
rule of
the Taliban.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were
from
Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the Mujahadeen repel the Soviet
invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald
Reagan
talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We
call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets - I mean, the Russians - are now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years
after
they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support
our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the
French
and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French
Fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what
We
want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.
Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him
our
friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah*, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked
the
other way, to show him we were his friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically
becomes our
friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an
enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can
profit
by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the
better.
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for
America.
Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a
Godless
un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him
what
to do.
Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because
George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your
eyes,
make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.
Good night, Daddy
