Last Day as a Dad

[John105]

Very oddly, I was on a business trip with a coworker, and he said he had to go to the Post Office and had an envelope in his hand. I said sure what's that? He said it's the last child support payment for his daughter. I was surprised and said I didn't know you had a daughter....I guess from a long time ago

I genuinely appreciate this forum for how it imho respects people and their thoughts across many threads...

 

[Astro14]

Interesting...one of my wife's triggers is leaving my phones face down...always done it so I don't drop bolts and tools on it...or put in my pocket face to face.
She showed me one day a meme "he's not hiding his Grandma's apple pie recipe"...
Once we understood THAT trigger, we worked on it.

We are finding our triggers (and we both have them) and working them out.

Ironically, I put my phone screen down (and on silent) out of respect - so that I’m focused on her and not distracted by texts, emails, notifications, BITOG, whatever.

Quite the difference in perception.

 

[doitmyself]

Sincerely wishing you move forward managing your hardships Shannow. I've always advocated seeking professional counseling to learn the cognitive and other skills to navigate life. Still, the hurt is there, forever. Life passes much too quickly. I hope you find your inner peace and remain a role model. Someday it WILL be realized and appreciated.

Best wishes.

EDIT: Loved your "triggers" comment. Just celebrating our 45th. year together, we still have some. Always will.

 

[joekingcorvette]

Life doesn't always turn out exactly how you want it to. I hope you have a great future and a great life. Do not let things you cannot change keep you down.

 

[Cujet]

Yesterday was my last day as a Dad...well what Oz considers a Dad to be

So today, Society (the Gov) stopped extracting $84.46543 every day, 7 days a week from my pay packet....apparently I've done what Australian Dads are here for...

And strangely, that feels like the very last link that I had is gone...

I often think about how the various powers that be, hate the "so called" alpha male, the competition, the man who thinks for himself and knows how to act like a man. They are perfectly OK with a low T man, compliant and agreeable in everything, never rocking the boat, funding through his skillset and labor, the solution to everyone else's problems.

Marriage is an agreement between the state and a man. Nothing more. It has nothing to do with love, or even friendship between 2 people. It has everything to do with controlling society and keeping men in check.

As mentioned above, unless things change (unlikely) the powers that be will continue to abuse the very men that engineered the world out of abject poverty, powered every modern nation, built 100% of the factories, conceived, designed and produced 100% of the products everyone uses, and make every thing work and every bit of food grow,,, at every possible opportunity.

It is that simple.

 

[slo town]

My well-to-do BIL and SIL divorced after 46 years. They made their money on their own. Two beautiful homes plus a spectacular mansion-like cabin in the mountains in California, three Ferraris, horses for the daughters, family trips all over the world.... But now after hateful financial armageddon against each other, 2 1/2 million dollars down the drain, the homes and Ferraris are long gone. My BIL now lives in an inexpensive rental and my SIL now lives in a cheap condo, both scraping by one Social Security check at a time.

Scott

 

[Pablo]

My well-to-do BIL and SIL divorced after 46 years. They made their money on their own. Two beautiful homes plus a spectacular mansion-like cabin in the mountains in California, three Ferraris, horses for the daughters, family trips all over the world.... But now after hateful financial armageddon against each other, 2 1/2 million dollars down the drain, the homes and Ferraris are long gone. My BIL now lives in an inexpensive rental and my SIL now lives in a cheap condo, both scraping by one Social Security check at a time.

Scott

Lawyers?

 

[slo town]

Lawyers?

They weren't. They started a small but very successful boutique stonework construction business that catered to the wealthy. Decades ago my BIL was featured in Sunset Magazine. Absolutely spectacular work! He was always backlogged with work 2 or 3 years into the future, some of his jobs lasting for over a year. The divorce was sad to witness and it all happened soon after he retired and they shutdown the business. With respect to Sue and me the worst part was losing them as friends. They were our best friends for 30 years and the cousins (our kids) were super close and spent their first 25 years growing up with each other.

Scott

 

[Pablo]

They weren't. They started a small but very successful boutique stonework construction business. Decades ago my BIL was featured in Sunset Magazine. Spectacular work! My BIL was always backlogged with work 2 or 3 years into the future. The divorce was sad to witness and it all happened soon after he retired and they shutdown the business. With respect to Sue and me the worst part was losing them as friends. They were our best friends for 30 years and the cousins (our kids) were super close and spent their first 25 years growing up with each other.

Scott

No sorry, I meant the millions - where did that money GO? (lawyers?)

 

[slo town]

No sorry, I meant the millions - where did that money GO? (lawyers?)

Lawyers, four years of battle, fighting for every last nickel, both of them stubborn as mules. Both were at fault for the divorce and should have divorced 30 years earlier while they had runway in front of them.

Scott

 

[Pablo]

Lawyers, four years of battle, fighting for every last nickel, both of them stubborn as mules. Both were at fault for the divorce and should have divorced 30 years earlier while they had runway in front of them.

Scott

To squander the start of a family legacy is really sad. It happens more than we know.

 

[slo town]

To squander the start of a family legacy is really sad. It happens more than we know.

Yep, they did really well and earned it themselves from hard work. It's sad thinking about all the good times we had together.

Scott

 

[slo town]

LOL, In any case it was a good read.

Did you know she posed for "pictures", one of the very things she spits out her hostile venom about?

Scott

 

[BMWTurboDzl]

Did you know she posed for "pictures", one of the very things she spits out her hostile venom about?

Scott

I don't and I have to ask at what age was she? HAHA.

It has been decades but I know she came off hard/rude but so does Dave Ramsay.

The only thing I remember from her book was the section on "White Knight Disease". Young men shouldn't marry women in order to save them from their own issues/problems.

Edit: I just looked at an Ebay copy. The back of the book lists all 10. It's good advice.

 

[Warlord]

It’s a real minefield out there for sure. I share most of the beliefs put forward in this thread but find that if you tell women any of these it’s ”toxic, cynical, hateful, no wonder you haven’t found love with that attitude”. Well that just confirms my doubts.

 

[UncleDave]

More like your last day of indentured servitude.

With the state out of the way you are free to forge whatever relationship you like with your son going forward on your terms.

You seem alike a great guy with a lot to give a young man and I hope you two find a way forward.

 

[UncleDave]

Did you know she posed for "pictures", one of the very things she spits out her hostile venom about?

Scott

Yup - total hypocrite and awful person.

 

[KrisZ]

A sad story that is unfortunately repeated thousands of times.

I don't know how it is in Australia, but in USA, child support is a nice boost to the local state governments.

According to this article, parents on the receiving end get about 62% of what the other parent is paying. Robbery and extortion in plain sight.

One in five children in the US live in households that receive child support payments. In 2017[1], the 5.4 million parents who were owed child support payments received 62% of the amount they were supposed to get, on average.

https://usafacts.org/articles/how-much-child-support-do-parents-actually-receive/

 

[supton]

Sorry to hear this Shannow, although it's now done and over with, one long sad saga comes to an end. At least this book in your life is finally finished. Best of wishes for the next book. [Having family disown you isn't like changing a chapter, I figure, this was a total restart in your life.]

 

[Skippy722]

Interesting...one of my wife's triggers is leaving my phones face down...always done it so I don't drop bolts and tools on it...or put in my pocket face to face.
She showed me one day a meme "he's not hiding his Grandma's apple pie recipe"...
Once we understood THAT trigger, we worked on it.

We are finding our triggers (and we both have them) and working them out.

It was one of my wife’s as well until I explained it to her, same reasons as you.

I’m also sorry about your whole situation…. You’ve handled it far better than I would have. Godspeed Shannow.