Originally Posted By: dlayman
Originally Posted By: Al
Originally Posted By: dlayman
I've seen many of these endeavors undertaken. It almost never ends well. It's disrespectful to the REAL father, and can cause lots of problems with and for other family members. I would drop this immediately. Little to no benefit, lots of risk of pain.
You are generalising. An insecure father might have problems with it. An enlightened one who understands will have no problems.
Yes, I am generalizing, but basing it on what I've seen happen. I was very close to someone who was adopted. Her parents were very loving and supportive, not the least insecure. They never said anything about the person seeking out the birthparents, but it was obvious they were hurt. I must be the odd one out. I would have zero interest in doing this. Like ancestry.com. Of no interest at all.
Again, my Dad who raised me passed in 2002. And my mom is very supportive. We're "science people" - she is a microbiologist who also teaches human genetics, and I get a lot of my natural curiosity from her. So she completely understands my curiosity. She is not bothered by my curiosity or threatened by it in the least.
Originally Posted By: Triple_Se7en
I agree...... zero interest in pursuing this!
Let me add.....
My father walked out the front door of our home when I was eight years old - moved out of state - never returned - never called - never paid child support to five remaining kids.
When I moved out and married at 20 years-old, I had zero interest in finding / pursuing him. I'm from the school that says should the dad abandon me as a young, tender age and break the entire family up into three households of remaining relatives, then I will abandon him likewise as an adult.
Thanks for your chiming in, but, with all due respect, your comment is an emotional anecdote that has nothing in common with my situation at all. I am sorry to hear about that your dad made that choice, though. His loss, I'm sure.
Originally Posted By: NHHEMI
I will chime in and say I don't approve of the OP's actions either. No offense to him I just don't like this on many levels. If the OP is dying and needs something from the donor that is one thing. That can be accomplished while keeping the donors identity private however.
Has the OP even considered the donor may not want his info given out and he does not want to meet the OP? Has the OP considered maybe the donor is married now and if the wife found out it would be a problem for the donor? Has the OP considered anything other than what he wants?
This isn't a dead beat dad. This is a donor who deserves to remain anonymous. Most donors do not wish to meet the kids. Kind of the point. They donate anonymously to help those who can't conceive on their own or maybe it is for money. Either way I am pretty sure they do it with the expectation they are not contacted by the kid. If the OP insists on pursuing this I would ask at the fertility clinic if the donor requested to remain anonymous. If so drop this ASAP.
JMHO.
Did you read my original post? This was done back in the late '70s when there was little to no regulation and oversight of fertility treatment procedures/AI. The doctor has been dead for 4 years and long retired before that. His practice is closed. There is no record of the donor (that I know of). Again, I'll repeat, all I know is what I was told by my Mom, and she was repeating what the doc told her, which is that the donor was a resident physician at a hospital in Memphis at the time.
As far as whether or not he would like to be contacted, a lot changes in 37 years. I can see a young guy in his mid-20s donating sperm in sort of an amused way, thinking it would be kinda neat. Maybe it's some sort of ego trip for him. There's no telling.
Personally, I'm very curious, and, if I'd donated sperm, curiosity would get the best of me eventually. I'd want to know if there had been any successful pregnancies achieved through my donations.
I'd like to think he's as curious as I am. Furthermore, I have to think that we share some traits and interests, and that we could share a relationship, based on common intellectual interests and recreational interests.
I have to think - he's gotta be wondering what ever came of those donations.
The fertility doc had a son who is now also in practice as an OB/GYN. That will probably be one of my next steps - to contact him. Also, to try to obtain a yearbook or other records of University of Tennessee College of Medicine students and residents at that time.
Originally Posted By: wrcsixeight
I have a Surgeon neighbor who was a sperm donor, and did not tell his wife until after they were married, and she is not happy about it.
Next time I see him I'll ask how he'd feel about any sperm donor offspring trying to find him, when his wife is not around.
On my father's side there is good documentation going back to the mid 1400's, Scandinavian with some french and german thrown in.
My mother claims mostly Russian ancestry. I would be more interested to find out via genetics more of her ancestry, but perhaps not happy with the results. Who knows.
I do enjoy watching the genealogy shows on PBS.
I eagerly await to hear what he says!
Personally, I would absolutely tell my wife if I'd ever been a sperm donor...but, then again, I'm a very open person (obviously).
Please also ask him why his wife is not happy about it. I don't understand that.