Fearing my Parents death

[defektes]

For some reason now, for the past year or so I have been fearing the passing of my parents. They are in good health, although older. Sense of impending doom will come out of no where and cause me to become depressed untill I forget about it.

I know when the time comes it will be very difficult for me as I do not deal with death well when it comes to people I care about.

My girlfriend says it could be anxiety.

 

[SteveSRT8]

Anxiety if running wild can be crippling.

While death and dying are terrible subjects, it may help to realize the inevitability of the event. Everyone will be there one day!

My sympathies to you, but no one else can help you much here. Some things you just have to deal with on your own.

 

[Shannow]

Anxiety sucks..I know that deal.

My biggest fears regarding my parents is that they leave their bucket list unfulfilled.

 

[pottymouth]

Use your fear as a reminder to spend quality time with them and settle any issues you have with either of them. Life is very unpredictable and any of us could go at the drop of a hat. Not much worse than someone passing and you having to live with the regret of what you should have said/done but didn't.

 

[Pop_Rivit]

How we deal with death is just as important as how we deal with life. It's a part of life that everyone will experience, not only friends and family, but at some point you'll also be facing your own mortality. You have no choice but to buck up and deal with it.

Live life to the fullest every day, and realize that there are things beyond your control that you simply have to deal with. If it's not something you can control, then it's not something you should spend time fretting about. When the time does come, rather than make it a somber reminder that they have passed, make it a celebration of a life well lived.

 

[JHZR2]

Ive had those thoughts on occasion. It is a tough thing. You really need to just let rational, logical thought govern and block out negativity however you can, IMO. These things will happen and there is no use in getting spun up over it because there isnt much in that single point in time that you can do about it. Try to channel that energy to being more proactive over health, well being and spending time together.

 

[4D-56]

its another classic case of how we generally are either living in the past or preparing for the future. neither of these are LIVING.

living in fear is definitely not living!

life is what is happening each and every moment.

Our conditioning has a large part to play in not being "here now"

I highly recommend a book for you....

http://www.amazon.com/Book-Life-Daily-Me...3710&sr=1-5

the words of Krishnamurti have helped me immensely in my daily life. Dont let yourself be put off by his name....when it comes to philosophy, he invites you to do the deeper work that most of us never do....freedom from fear and your conditioning can be found!!

be well.

 

[Rick in PA]

I'm not a health nut, but I'd throw out the thought of exercise, mostly in the form of walking, biking, etc. Get things moving, get your mind off your worries. Just a thought.

 

[40Deluxe]

+1 on Pottymouth post,make sure they know how you feel about them that will put you at ease more than anything when they are gone.When my dad was getting older and retired i never left him without giving him a hug and telling him i loved him.I felt at ease when the time came because i felt maybe he thought that very thing when he passed knowing that i unconditionally loved him.I think about him every day and as i am doing this get tears in my eyes,he has been gone since 1992 and miss him.

 

[Patman]

Every once in a while I get that fear as well, only it's about my 9 year old son. One day last week at work I had the fear so bad I almost broke out into tears! I guess as a parent you never shake that fear that something bad is going to happen to your children.

 

[redsox1975]

Some excellent advice already guys.

I've already lost both of my parents, so my two cents:

Enjoy everyday with them, live one day at a time, and as already mentioned...don't leave anything unsaid, tell your parents how much they mean to you. Let them know you've appreciated everything that they have done for you in the past.

It will help you deal with their loss when that unfortunate time comes, let's hope it's not for a long time.

 

[dparm]

Rather than focus on the impending negative event, focus on all the past positive events.

 

[Autobahn88]

Originally Posted By: Patman
Every once in a while I get that fear as well, only it's about my 9 year old son. One day last week at work I had the fear so bad I almost broke out into tears! I guess as a parent you never shake that fear that something bad is going to happen to your children.


I am glad that I am not the only one that gets these awful thought about my 2 kids. I get angry at myself for even thinking of my kids getting hurt or worse dying but with all of the freaks out there it is hard not to think about.

 

[chubbs1]

I have that too, where I fear my parents' passing. I sometimes will actually cry at night maybe once every 6mo. just thinking about it. I am not sure if it is anxiety just as much as it is fearing the passing and loss of someone dear to us. Could be your dog too. So don't feel alone and don't run out and get pills to take because you have a normal fear of losing someone close to you. Take care and God bless.

 

[hr1940]

As the others have posted make sure that you have told them that you love them and clear the air concerning unresolved issues. I have lost both parents and there was too many things that were left unsaid. I lost my mom when she was only 45. My son calls me and/or comes over each day. Some people think I am morbid but I have already planned and paid for my funeral -- songs, bible verse, death certificates, chosen my pallbearers and set aside money for flowers from my dogs. The only thing I need to do is find 2 more pallbearers in case someone on the list is unable to. I am in good health but at least my children will not have to deal with any of it when my time comes. Please remember that none of us know when our time here will end and all we can do is let the ones we love know how special they are.

Enjoy life to the fullest and spend as much time with loved ones as possible.

Helen

 

[greenaccord02]

When I was 15, I lost my paternal grandfather, who I wish I had known better. Since then, I've made every effort to have a good and active relationship with my other grandparents and my parents as well. My grandmother lived another 7 years or so after her husband, and we knew each other pretty well. It made the loss when she died more painful initially, but I do not have the same regrets that I would have otherwise. I'm sure it will be hard, too, when the others pass, but that's just life and at least there will be no regrets. And that's really the best possible situation.

And I don't think funeral planning is morbid at all. Rather, it's very considerate. It keeps your family from having to make decisions and spend money in a time of grief and it gives them peace of mind knowing that things are being done just as you wished. Great idea, IMO, and not enough people do it.

 

[Al]

As you get older you will hopefully understand that your parents. Should not be the focus of your life. I am 65 and I would not wish my kids to have angst for me.

My parents died 25 years ago at the age of 76. I had two young kids at the time. I loved my parents and mourned them. But its not something that should go on or be fearful of. Cycle of life.

 

[Firehawk409]

Originally Posted By: Autobahn88
Originally Posted By: Patman
Every once in a while I get that fear as well, only it's about my 9 year old son. One day last week at work I had the fear so bad I almost broke out into tears! I guess as a parent you never shake that fear that something bad is going to happen to your children.


I am glad that I am not the only one that gets these awful thought about my 2 kids. I get angry at myself for even thinking of my kids getting hurt or worse dying but with all of the freaks out there it is hard not to think about.


I guess that makes three of us! We had our first son dec of 09. Off and on since then I think of things like that. I hate myself for thinking like that and try to block it. It kills me to even think something terrible could happen to him. On the flip side I see how as a kid he is full of life and innocence only to grow up and see the cruel realities of life.



On subject. It seems once I got married time started to have more of an impact and then having a baby seemed to make time move even faster. I started to notice change in everything. I am now where my parents where years ago. Hard to see them get older.

 

[97tbird]

i also suffer from the same thing that the OP suffers..
the fact that they are physically far away (in Sri Lanka) makes it even harder...

 

[daves87rs]

I'd agree....it's a very kind and thoughtful idea. It's much easier if you know their wishes...