Do grandparents charge for watching grandchildren?

[eljefino]

Originally Posted by DejaVue

That's part of why I suggested to not push overly hard on requiring $800 now. If she gets the other job and moves in pretty soon with the friend, then another month or so is a small price to pay to make the transition smooth and give the mom the grandchild a good launching pad.


I say take the $800 now, she will see the out-of-state job as greener pastures while simultaneously your house is looking worse. Win-win.

You can always gift it back to the granddaughter in a 529 college plan later.

 

[ecotourist]

From an income (or it's not income) point of view, it might be better if your grandchild's mother simply paid some of the bills.

(I'm not a lawyer) but arguably you're not making an income if she's simply reimbursing you for clothing, food and supplies you purchased specifically for her and her child.

 

[dave1251]

Originally Posted by JamesBond
It sounds like your son, his baby's mama and your granddaughter really need your help. You're probably the only stable people in their lives. The best thing you can do is provide a safe calm environment for the granddaughter.

No, it's not fair to you, and yes they need to grow up, but that isn't happening right now.


His son is 39. He wont grow up. OP you have to take him to court. Sorry but it is the only way you will get support money.

 

[Nick1994]

Now that I've thought some more, I think the best thing to do is to get out a calculator and estimate what she costs you per month. I'm not so sure it's beta to make a profit off of her, so $800 a month for $300 a month of expenses might be a little high. Just break down some numbers, show her them, make a weekly or biweekly plan for payments. If you want, say, $70 a week for babysitting maybe she'll see that $10 a day isn't so bad and can pony it up.

 

[JHZR2]

Maybe I missed it; why isnt your son fielding some of these costs?

I think it is only fair in this situation to ask for expenses for living and care. This is a LOT of care.

If you were asking for $15/hr to babysit for three hours in the evening, Id say youre silly. If theyre live-in, substantial time, and she is earning money, theres no question you should ask for it.

If you wanted to be double sweet, youd save the $400/month and only use the $400/month for care. Once you saved a non-trivial amount, like, say $10k, Id give it to her contingent upon finding a small house or condo that she can afford.

 

[bbhero]

Originally Posted by dave1251
This situation is terrible. I feel for everyone involved except your son. We can teach our kids right from wrong and hold them accountable growing up. So he made a grown up decision to father a child and decided not to live to his responsibility. Now it's your turn to contact your local attorney's office and start a case against your son. I understand you and your wife do not want to go after him but he is the among the lowest of the low of not providing for his children. He made his bed and like it or not your Granddaughter has a higher priority of care than he.



^^^^^^^

This... In my opinion.

Feel bad for you though. Tough tough circumstance.

 

[stockrex]

Dad's out of wedlock get little parenting time depending on the state. Please ask your son to take this seriously, a child has the right to both parents. Consider that when the mother sees greener pastures she will most likely fly.
Establish status quo for 6 months, have your document the time he spends with his child and make sure he does most of the doctor visits, etc. Agree to a workable parenting time and put it in writing and enter as an order in the local court. Legal aid in the court can help you reduce it to writing.

 

[02SE]

Originally Posted by stockrex
Dad's out of wedlock get little parenting time depending on the state. Please ask your son to take this seriously, a child has the right to both parents. Consider that when the mother sees greener pastures she will most likely fly.
Establish status quo for 6 months, have your document the time he spends with his child and make sure he does most of the doctor visits, etc. Agree to a workable parenting time and put it in writing and enter as an order in the local court. Legal aid in the court can help you reduce it to writing.


It seems pretty clear to me that the sperm donor in this case has no interest whatsoever in being a part of the child's life, on any level.

 

[ls1mike]

My wife's mom gets paid for watching her other grandkids. If we use her for a night out we pay her.

Once in awhile? Sure free is fine, but everyday....Pay up sucka.

 

[MRtv]

Here is the continuing story. First I appreciate all you have said and advised. Some great ideas here. In short the 10 grandmother theory has born fruit and we appreciate all of you.

Before I originally posted we had sat down with her and made it very clear that we expected her to begin to help herself. My wife explained to her that the day she moved in my wife had made the request she would pay $400 rent on one check and $400 child support on the next. The mother agreed. When it came time to pay she had excuses why she could not pay all of the money and gave her $200. My wife was then told she would have the rest in a few days and she had given a friend of hers some money to buy mediation for his kids. I informed her she had her own obligations to worry about and that over the last few months she had also given us reasons she could not pay us.

We gave her a few days and no additional money was offered. So we sat down and told her we could no longer afford to carry her. She had a job and the means but was not doing her part. She now has a choice. Decide to pay the obligations or perhaps move to her dads. Let us know what you decide. This discussion went on for some time but this is the summary of it. Meanwhile I had contacted my son who has returned to his old job and informed him that we no longer were going to support his daughter and that he could help us out. I also informed him he could expect that the state will catch up to him and garnish his wages and not to be upset when it occurs because he was not the first man to come along and have to pay up in these situations. He still felt I had betrayed him somehow that he just isn't able to make clear to me. Well in my opinion he can't really he is just mad at me and that is that. He can't see I have really been trying to help him with the daughter. There was much more but that is the summary of it.

So today my wife asked the mother what she has decided? She said that she guessed she would have to give us all of her next check and on the next one after that she will move to her dads who lives out of state. I have never seen her checks or a stub. I don't know if she is giving me all of her check or a line of bull that she is. With her hourly I doubt we are being given her entire check but at this point I feel she has taken so much advantage of us. She has used the love we have for her daughter to manipulate us and we have to do this hard thing. I feel so bad for this innocent little girl. She will be devastated when she is taken from us. May He bless her and keep her through those trying times. May she come to know and realize how much we love her and know we did not do this thing lightly. May she some day be able to return to us and see our arms outstretched for her should she make that decision in her own life. Most of all may she be protected from the bad decisions of her own mother.

I personally know that mother returning to her father will be not very good for my granddaughter but I have to let this happen so that the mother comes to MAYBE learn she should have made other decisions. I expect the return will be as abusive and bad as it has been on many other visits and returns to her dads home. I am hoping this return may have a chance to be a little better. He has remarried and his new wife is expecting a child by Easter. I just hope the new wife may have some tempering of his behaviors which can get pretty heated as I have been told can happen.

The girls mother may then go on to the next job opportunity in yet another state. It is across the country from us and it is doubtful we would ever be able to go and visit. As it turns out the interview she was expecting is for a sketchy job. Not really a job at all just one of those misrepresented type of opportunities that make you part of a fraud situation. I am sure you have received those phone calls.

Well that is how it is for now. I put it into His hands and leave my heart and arms open to this little girl. I hope this trail doesn't damage her that she is about to be taken on by her mother. If we have the chance we will take her in again but without the mother. We will do what we can legally to allow her to stay and mom can be free to live her life as she wants. My son will be invited to start doing his part. We shall see what now comes. As I type this my granddaughter has crawled up on my lap and slumbers. I pray for her. Thank you all for helping me to know I was not being out of line.

 

[Mr Nice]

Hopefully things work out.

This reads like a slow car wreck in motion...

 

[Quattro Pete]

All the best, MRtv. Hope this story has a happy ending.

 

[MRtv]

Originally Posted by Mr Nice
Hopefully things work out.

This reads like a slow car wreck in motion...



Tell me about it.

 

[Gasbuggy]

Originally Posted by Mr Nice
Hopefully things work out.

This reads like a slow car wreck in motion...




"Jesus, take the wheel"

 

[Crispysea]

Sad situation all around. FWIW, my widowed mother-in-law watches our two kids every weekday, and takes them to and from school most days. We help her with expenses, and I do all maintenance on her car. I just changed her oil Sunday.

 

[Mr Nice]

Originally Posted by Gasbuggy
Originally Posted by Mr Nice
Hopefully things work out.

This reads like a slow car wreck in motion...


"Jesus, take the wheel"


It might be too late. Hopefully loser bum son will man up and start acting like an adult in his late 30's..... ...•

 

[stockrex]

Originally Posted by Mr Nice

Hopefully things work out.


It might be too late. Hopefully loser bum son will man up and start acting like an adult in his late 30's..... ...•


Unfortunately not all humans as made alike, what is regular everyday task for you or I might be paralyzing for some. We humans are complex and most of us have psychological issues that we do not realize we need help for.

Take my buddy who is a lic psychiatrist, he has a fear of meds and refuses to take any med , he ruined a few boat trips when he later admitted that he did not take the anti-nausea meds before the trips.

Back on topic - OP, you and I are both dads, but you brother are a grandpa also. You need to be both, dad and grandpa and do what is right and best for your grandchild first and then steer your child to what is good for him.
The problem your son will face some day is that even if he wants to be a "dad" he will won't be able to exercise that once the status quo is ingrained without him in the grand child's life.

I have been quite a few grand parents take legal and physician custody both parents are ordered by the court to pay child support to the grand parents, this CS is not considered income.

Being a dad I had to put my children's interest first and spend many years in the legal system getting back what they need for the best. So, you need to have clear head and think future innings and do what is good for your grand child now.