Do grandparents charge for watching grandchildren?

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Is the mother of your granddaughter receiving any sort of government assistance? Is there a way for you to receive some? If anything, I would come down hard on your son. At least the mom has a job and is working, your son should be helping out. Tough situation and I feel no matter what you do, there will be someone unhappy about it. Maybe start rationing food, so that it's only for you, your wife and the baby. Cut off TV and any internet service for the mom.
 
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Just how much is the son in arrears on the child support? You should do some kind of split where you lend him the "money", he pays her so there's a paper trail and she pays you right back for the past rent. Then it's just the son that owes you money. Otherwise he could get into a lot of trouble with the court for not paying. If you kick her out, she could go to the courts to force him to pay and you'll end up with nothing.
 
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Originally Posted by Wolf359
Just how much is the son in arrears on the child support? You should do some kind of split where you lend him the "money", he pays her so there's a paper trail and she pays you right back for the past rent. Then it's just the son that owes you money. Otherwise he could get into a lot of trouble with the court for not paying. If you kick her out, she could go to the courts to force him to pay and you'll end up with nothing.
Bad idea. Loan money to the son and kiss it good by. He's a deadbeat and until he steps up and assumes responsibility at 39, it won't change anytime soon. You've already bailed out the grandchild's mom by allowing her to stay with unpaid compensation. If the son gets in trouble with the courts, that's on him. Don't be bailing him out, enabling him to continue making bad decisions. In retirement mode, money is already tight so don't damage yourself on their behalf.
 
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You and your wife are not out of line and have every right to ask for some money for rent and childcare. I'm not a grand parent and my wife's parents watched our son when he was an infant and still watches him (he's 12 now) during school breaks. He can't hang out with friends because they are on different tracks. When my son is out of school his best friends are in school. The Dept of Education does that here when there's a large student body and not enough classrooms to house everyone. We try to pay my in laws but they don't want money and cherish every moment with their only grand child.
 
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Are you actually unable to make ends meet in the current situation? If you are, I wouldn't force anything with the mother and deal with it for the sake of my granddaughter. If you force them out, you may never see your granddaughter again and no telling what kind of terrible situation she may end up in. It sounds like her only hope is you. The only thing I would force is the court to garnish your sons wages. Also look around for ways to supplement your income through other forms of assistant like getting food from a food bank and other programs that the government or churches might have.
 
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Originally Posted by czbrian
Are you actually unable to make ends meet in the current situation? If you are, I wouldn't force anything with the mother and deal with it for the sake of my granddaughter. If you force them out, you may never see your granddaughter again and no telling what kind of terrible situation she may end up in. It sounds like her only hope is you. The only thing I would force is the court to garnish your sons wages. Also look around for ways to supplement your income through other forms of assistant like getting food from a food bank and other programs that the government or churches might have.
I'd be willing to bet the worthless bum of a son has no "wages" to garnish. Usually this kind of deadbeat only has money coming in under the table. And he's already established he won't be taking any responsibility for the child he helped create. Somehow the OP is going to have to convince the mother that it's time to grow up, make a budget and stick to it, and take some responsibility for her kid and herself.
 

JTK

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I know years ago when my wife still worked part time and we had one, then two children, we paid my mother inlaw to provide daycare on the days both my wife and I worked. If both of those parents are earning money, they should be paying something for your services.
 
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Originally Posted by MRtv
So my wife believes in what she calls the "ask 10 grandmothers" her therapist says grandparents should not charge for day care of grandchildren. She already has a job offer that is available beginning in Jan. The friend is not ready for the granddaughters mother to move out there yet.
I've known various sponge people, sponge relatives, and lost plenty of sponge "friends" after loaning them money. I'm not a grandmother, but I am a straight shooter. If the therapist said that, the therapist is stupid. If she does actually need a therapist, she needs a new therapist that isn't stupid. Maybe the mother is lying about what the therapist said in order to manipulate you. coffee You say the mother has a different job lined up. If the friend won't take too much extra time to be ready for the move to that state, then I wouldn't put the hammer down too hard right now on forcing the mom to start paying too much. I'm mainly only saying that because it's Christmas time and because if you've been into this this long, a little more time is worth it if it results in a smooth transition. She really should be paying something right now though simply as an act of good faith if nothing else, even if it's much lower than $800. If the mother and/or grandchild continues to live with you, and if the mother is honestly trying and truly is "just bad with money," then the mother shouldn't object to something like a joint checking/savings account, or at least showing you receipts for things she buys, so you can if nothing else figure out where her money is going and to show her to not be as irresponsible with it. And everything else aside, there's this: You don't owe any of these people anything. Not the son, not the mother, not the grandchild. You can help some, all, or none of them if you choose. You can choose to do what you want from this point on, but I hereby formally declare that you have already done enough.
 
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Interesting situation. I'm a money guy usually... but that goes out the window because you care about your grand daughter, as you should. She's family. Perhaps your guidance will make enough of a difference that she won't turn out like her mom or her dad. Your real out of pocket expenses are what you should figure out first. Decide if you and your wife are willing to raise this little girl. If yes, you'll need to be more tactful about dealing with the mom. I think you've got about 50/50 chance that happens even if you just let things play out on their own. Having a kid and trying to find a guy is a drag. She'll realize this eventually, if she aleady hasn't. Also, I would consider convincing this woman to drop the childsupport case while she's living with you. Technically, she is being supported by the fathers family and if she gets any of the money I doubt you'll see it. You don't want her getting to used to that kid being a paycheck and it would help your son out.
 
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Its impossible to give the OP an answer, it depends as a parent how their raised their kids. Bottom line, the grandparents should not be providing care and food for the grandchild. That is the responsibility of the parents. Their son knocked up a girl, had a baby and their son and the girl are not caring for the child. So something went wrong and I see the problem is with the grandparents in the way they raised their son and enabled him to be an irresponsible person. Fact is their son had a baby and doesnt take care of it, I blame the grandparents for enabling this situation. I can see how it happened by the OP, blaming the girl for getting pregnant be their "young son". Funny, son has a baby and not taking care of it.
 
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My MIL struggles in retirement with no real savings and I think they made money under the table by her and FIL in life so you get burned with little SS since she put in little. My wife and I pay her $50/day x 2 days to watch 4yr old in home and also cart our 11 and 13 year old around for activities after school. In the summer our kids(2-3) spend two nights sleeping over at her home(beach) and we pay her $75.day. We do pay her $50/month for fuel.
 
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We don't.... but I understand if some charge. You son is not so nice. Mother needs to go to court and have a paternity test so your bum son PAYS child support. Keep being good grandparents, but try and guide the mother in the 'right direction' .
 
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Originally Posted by Wolf359
Just how much is the son in arrears on the child support? You should do some kind of split where you lend him the "money", he pays her so there's a paper trail and she pays you right back for the past rent. Then it's just the son that owes you money. Otherwise he could get into a lot of trouble with the court for not paying. If you kick her out, she could go to the courts to force him to pay and you'll end up with nothing.
I doubt the son will repay a penny of that $$$. MOTHER NEEDS A COURT ORDERED PATERNITY TEST !!!! Quote: "Maybe the mother is lying about what the therapist said in order to manipulate you." That's exactly what I was thinking so the grandparents feel obligated to care for child and not receive any money.
 
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This has happened to my parents and now the adult grandkids are milking them dry. It's so sad that I dont even like to visit them anymore, it makes me too upset. I'm always looking for advice on this topic.
 
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Our parents don't charge to watch the kids. They are usually enthusiastic to spend time with them. My wife's parents take them on Wednesday nights, and my parents take them on Friday nights, every week.
 
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No you are not out of line. Both are reasonable amounts and you are under no obligation to provide either of those two things. You are providing services not an occasional helping hand.
 
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Originally Posted by RDY4WAR
Our parents don't charge to watch the kids. They are usually enthusiastic to spend time with them. My wife's parents take them on Wednesday nights, and my parents take them on Friday nights, every week.
There is a difference between watching the kids one night a week vs 24x7, every day for over 6 months, and be their primary care taker, like in OP's case.
 
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Loose the parents & keep the grand child . What ever you do or do not do , let it be for the child & not for the supposed adults .
 
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Kick the Mother out and keep the grandkid. Make both parent pay you child support? What a bad position to be in. How old is the kid?
 
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Classic enablement. The son's a deadbeat dad and needs to be pursued in court as such. (bummer but true). He either pays up or goes to jail- he'll pay up after a bit of that. Therapy? -get real. Therapy is off the table for broke people subbing out parenthood and bills to in-laws. This is a bag of groceries at min per session. Who knows/cares what they said or what they were even told. That money should go for the kids food and clothes until the parents actually have money. rent - unless you were going to rent the room you aren't out the money- but clothes food and other needs for the chid should be paid. Mom needs to get state help, to help with the burden largely created by the son. Sounds like mom is hiding money- free rent comes with the condition that paychecks and money are co- monitored until the situation ends. The grandparents almost always have NO parental rights and cannot just take the kid as has been stated before - that would be called kidnapping The nexus of problem here starts with the son, so unless you are prepared to go after him - you need to let it all go and just accept it. UD
 
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