Originally Posted by MRtv
So my wife believes in what she calls the "ask 10 grandmothers"
her therapist says grandparents should not charge for day care of grandchildren.
She already has a job offer that is available beginning in Jan. The friend is not ready for the granddaughters mother to move out there yet.
I've known various sponge people, sponge relatives, and lost plenty of sponge "friends" after loaning them money.
I'm not a grandmother, but I am a straight shooter.
If the therapist said that, the therapist is stupid.
If she does actually need a therapist, she needs a new therapist that isn't stupid.
Maybe the mother is lying about what the therapist said in order to manipulate you.
You say the mother has a different job lined up. If the friend won't take too much extra time to be ready for the move to that state, then I wouldn't put the hammer down too hard right now on forcing the mom to start paying too much. I'm mainly only saying that because it's Christmas time and because if you've been into this this long, a little more time is worth it if it results in a smooth transition. She really should be paying something right now though simply as an act of good faith if nothing else, even if it's much lower than $800.
If the mother and/or grandchild continues to live with you, and if the mother is honestly trying and truly is "just bad with money," then the mother shouldn't object to something like a joint checking/savings account, or at least showing you receipts for things she buys, so you can if nothing else figure out where her money is going and to show her to not be as irresponsible with it.
And everything else aside, there's this:
You don't owe any of these people anything. Not the son, not the mother, not the grandchild. You can help some, all, or none of them if you choose. You can choose to do what you want from this point on, but I hereby formally declare that you have already done enough.