Do grandparents charge for watching grandchildren?

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What a horrible situation. I don't believe that some people here understand the influence that a grandchild's welfare can have on your actions. Some here also haven't taken to heart that the OP says his son is out of the picture. I hope the OP is serious about this, to the point that serious tough love should be applied. Jail time might be the only answer for him. The only advice I can offer is to seek professional assistance on the matter. However, I would be cautious about getting child welfare agencies involved unless the child is in grave danger. Here's a start for seeking help in Idaho: https://www.google.com/search?q=ida...tf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b-1 Wishing you the best.
 
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I've read this whole thread and have been sitting here pondering what I would do in this situation. FWIW, in my humble opinion OP, you are holding a single pair while she's holding a straight flush. At this point in time, she has absolutely nothing to lose and continues to gain everything with your generosity. It's time for some tough love. She needs to pony up for the care of her daughter or she's out on her own. In your own words she makes $26,400/year and in the end she should keep the whole amount minus the SS withholding. She can most definitely contribute to her, and her daughter's welfare. Spending yourself broke continuing down the same path will end up helping no one. Sorry, but not making her contribute as a condition of her room and board, and daycare, is on you. That is the only hand you hold right now. Other than suing for custody should that be your desire, I just can't see you having any other legal standing right now (I'm not a lawyer) other than moving her out. The mother is the one who needs to get busy and she needs start with your deadbeat son. If she chooses to continue to ignore this avenue, I'm afraid it's a losing battle. Tigers don't change their stripes and it appears your son and the child's mother are tigers. If your ultimate goal is for this child to be with you going forward, without getting custody, I just can't see how this will be possible especially if she follows through on her new job and moves out of state and takes your grandchild with her. At least with custody it would provide you with some legal, and social, avenues for assistance. Truly hope the best for you going forward.
 

MRtv

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Originally Posted by Lolvoguy
OP, how old are the parent's of your grandchild? The age of those involved is required to make an informed suggestion (teens vs. twenty or thirty somethings). Reason why I ask is I had teenage members in my family who got girls (yes, teenage girls and not "young women") pregnant. This drastically changed everyone's life in my family and led to many other ill-suited decisions. This didn't bother me tho, I turned out just fine crazy coffee
My son, the father, is 39. The mother is 28 or so. Can't recall perfectly. So both are adults and both are working full time jobs.
 

MRtv

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Originally Posted by doitmyself
What a horrible situation. I don't believe that some people here understand the influence that a grandchild's welfare can have on your actions. Some here also haven't taken to heart that the OP says his son is out of the picture. I hope the OP is serious about this, to the point that serious tough love should be applied. Jail time might be the only answer for him. The only advice I can offer is to seek professional assistance on the matter. However, I would be cautious about getting child welfare agencies involved unless the child is in grave danger. Here's a start for seeking help in Idaho: https://www.google.com/search?q=ida...tf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b-1 Wishing you the best.
If the grandchild had not been in the picture we wouldn't be here at all. She was though and I made some decisions to help when my wife and I focused on the welfare of the child. When the mother moved in a third time that is when we asked for rent and childcare. The first time she had no job. The second time she was waiting at a local restaurant. We had asked for childcare only previously but didn't get a full amount. It came at first from my son who retaliated on the ex by not paying any support when she went to court to seek custody and child support. She does have full custody now and he has a ruling to pay support. He recently went back to work and as soon as the state finds he has income it will be garnished. He seems to blame me that this occurred. We took her in and he cannot see that we did it not for his ex but for his daughter. Anyway she obtained a job which allowed her to stop doing the waiting job and it pays much better. So we asked for her to pay rent and childcare. She can't see why she should. That is where we are now. She doesn't see her condition has improved over the last many months and she can and should pay. In another month she will possibly move out of state. She has a interview for a job related to the field she is in now. Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I frankly was a bit surprised by the positive support. I thought some would say "It's your grandchild. You shouldn't charge." As you see I don't have that opinion and it looks like many of you don't either. It is validates my feelings that young people today who have the means should help out and not expect a handout.
 
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Originally Posted by MRtv
So we asked for her to pay rent and childcare. She can't see why she should.
Kids these days. Sheesh. I agree she needs to stop seeing that therapist. Obviously he is not putting any sense into her. Is he putting something else into her, by any chance?
 

MRtv

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Originally Posted by alarmguy
Its impossible to give the OP an answer, it depends as a parent how their raised their kids. Bottom line, the grandparents should not be providing care and food for the grandchild. That is the responsibility of the parents. Their son knocked up a girl, had a baby and their son and the girl are not caring for the child. So something went wrong and I see the problem is with the grandparents in the way they raised their son and enabled him to be an irresponsible person. Fact is their son had a baby and doesnt take care of it, I blame the grandparents for enabling this situation. I can see how it happened by the OP, blaming the girl for getting pregnant be their "young son". Funny, son has a baby and not taking care of it.
I see your perspective and have held it myself in many cases when people shared thier situation. Yet I see another angle. Sometimes we teach our children how life should be lived and the right things to do and they will choose another path very contrary to the one you tried to get them to take. My son does pretty much 180 degrees off of what I did in my life and tried to have him do also. Sad really because all of his choices have led him to living a harder life than is necessary. He also suffers from mental illnesses that I will say he inherited from my ex wife (his mother). I am not a perfect person but I do try to be.
 
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Originally Posted by Quattro Pete
Originally Posted by MRtv
So we asked for her to pay rent and childcare. She can't see why she should.
Kids these days. Sheesh. I agree she needs to stop seeing that therapist. Obviously he is not putting any sense into her. Is he putting something else into her, by any chance?
If she is even seeing a therapist. She may be lying about that. Offer to call the therapist and schedule a joint session with the family. That'll weed that out right away. UD
 
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Given the situation you should have rules and put it in wriitng and file with local court as a stipulation order. Why? I will tell you a story at the end: Your son needs to step up to the plate and be a "dad" both doing his part for the child emotionally, financially... Same applies for the baby mama. Story Time: my buddy Lucy has 2 sons, oldest was dating a nurse (older than him) and she gave birth to a son. Lucy quit her job as Director of Nursing at a large local hospital to take care of the grandson for 3 years till one fine the baby mama filed sole custody with court, would not make any allocation for time with grand parents or dad alledging fake stuff.
 
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Sounds like the mother is simply ignorant of how to manage her money. Sit down at payday and show her what she needs to do. If she's bringing home $2200 per month, wow that's more than lots of people make. Sit down with her paycheck, take the first $400 ($200 for rent and $200 for daycare) each paycheck. That'll leave her with 900 for two weeks. Then find out where her money is going. If she won't agree, your son's out of the picture being an insecure controlling jerk to another young woman and isn't paying child support, and you're going broke trying to be nice, well you tried and it's time for her to move. Last resort you could adopt the two kids if you really care about them, but that's a long discussion for another thread and has its own pitfalls.
 

blupupher

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Originally Posted by MRtv
I see your perspective and have held it myself in many cases when people shared thier situation. Yet I see another angle. Sometimes we teach our children how life should be lived and the right things to do and they will choose another path very contrary to the one you tried to get them to take. My son does pretty much 180 degrees off of what I did in my life and tried to have him do also. Sad really because all of his choices have led him to living a harder life than is necessary. He also suffers from mental illnesses that I will say he inherited from my ex wife (his mother). I am not a perfect person but I do try to be.
Yup, as a parent you can do everything "right" but the child can still make poor choices despite their upbringing and values. My parents had 7 kids. 1 has passed away, 5 have at least a bachelors degree, and the last one, well, she does not make the best choices considering her upbringing.
 
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Wife mumbles "if you collect rent you may jeopardize your SSI". https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/ssi-housing-regs-faq/ I own my house. Can I rent out a room and charge rent? 🌷 If your tenant pays their share of the utilities directly to the utility company, this will have no effect on your SSI. (as long as they pay just their share, not your share). 🌷 If your tenant pays you rent, this would likely be considered income and may make your SSI check lower. You will need to report this to Social Security, and to the IRS. Social Security might not consider the entire amount - The IRS will allow a homeowner to deduct certain business expenses on income from renting a room. Social Security would consider the amount of income after expenses were deducted, if you report this information to them. There are specific rules around what types of income affects SSI, and what does not: How You Can (and can't) Make Money While on SSI
 
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Originally Posted by Quattro Pete
Originally Posted by RDY4WAR
Our parents don't charge to watch the kids. They are usually enthusiastic to spend time with them. My wife's parents take them on Wednesday nights, and my parents take them on Friday nights, every week.
There is a difference between watching the kids one night a week vs 24x7, every day for over 6 months, and be their primary care taker, like in OP's case.
I meant to comment more. I absolutely agree that they should be compensated in their situation. Their hospitality is being taken advantage of.
 
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I would pay if it is a regular event and they are not much better off than we are. If they are loaded and we are broke, probably not. We gave them a condo to live in on our dime, so that's their "pay".
 
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It is one thing if you occasionally watch grand kids tp help out. It is another thing when it becomes a regular job.
 
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Originally Posted by Yah-Tah-Hey
Learn to say NO and then enjoy life.
Saying no to strangers is one thing, saying no, although indirectly, to your grandchild is quite another. One can choose to blissfully go through life not helping out others because it detracts from enjoyment, great, but no enjoyment lasts forever.
 
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Originally Posted by MRtv
Mom is not really attached to the child emotionally but does not wish to give her up for adoption due to her own abandonment issues with her mom.
That's a red flag, of course. Which leads to the concern that if she does give up, and if you are quite emotionally attached to the child at that point, then you're looking at possibly raising the child for at least the next 15 years. Even if the parents wind up paying the bills for the child, raising another child for at least 15 more years is a big decision on your part. Maybe her emotional involvement will change during the next few years as the child goes from being a baby into being a little person. Kids can be a lot of work and not much else when they can't even talk or do basic things. It may be difficult to have a rational conversation with a six-year-old, but at least it's not boring. That's part of why I suggested to not push overly hard on requiring $800 now. If she gets the other job and moves in pretty soon with the friend, then another month or so is a small price to pay to make the transition smooth and give the mom the grandchild a good launching pad. It also can benefit you in the future for various reasons, such as a good restart for her means she'll be less likely to need your future help, she and the child will be on good terms with you, you and grandma will have good feels about yourselves knowing you did more than any reasonable person should expect, etc.
 
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Originally Posted by MRtv
My son, the father, is 39. The mother is 28 or so. Can't recall perfectly. So both are adults and both are working full time jobs.
If he's working a legitimate full time job, and his paternity has been established in the eyes of the law, his wages can be garnished. It's time for a reality check for the mother. She's not 14 anymore. She needs to take care of herself and her kid. The longer you enable her to live a carefree existence, the harder it will be for her to learn self-sufficiency. What happens if you and your wife pass away, who will take care of the mother and your granddaughter then? This may sound harsh, but it's a serious situation with no easy or pleasant answers. Good luck.
 
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It's hard to give concrete replies without knowing the attitude and demeanor of the mother. It's easier to help someone, and have hope the future will get better for them, if they are honestly trying to improve, and if they are a nice person and not an ingrate. It's up to you to decide if the mother is an ingrate, or is just oblivious when it comes to money. Oblivious is easier to fix than ingrate. Yes, the mom should be paying at least something right now, but in my opinion a lot hinges on her attitude and what happens with that other job and the move. If nothing happens with that job and the move, that's when it will be time to put the hammer down. Either way, she should right now at least be showing you receipts for where her money goes.
 
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