Then your arguing against math.
Google tells me the average household uses 10,791kWh per year - more than me but OK.,
Google also tells me that the average EV get between 3 and 4 miles per kWh and the average american drives between 13K and 15K a year. So if we average that out its about 14,000 / 3.5 = 4000,kWh About an 40% increase in electricity. 2 car household = double it. You don't think adding a 40 to 80% increase to the residential grid isn't going to cost money to improve?
So far the overall numbers have been small enough to absorb, but the extra is gone. So now were trying to figure out who or how to pay.
As for the datacenters - I wouldn't concern yourself over them. They will generate their own, or move to the UAE, for example
https://www.reuters.com/business/fi...us-deal-far-finalised-sources-say-2025-06-06/
Lifetime average in my Lightning is 2.1 mi/kwh after 6000 miles. Don't care, it's still way cheaper to operate than my Navigator was. Costs me $47 to drive 1000 miles in the Lightning at .10 per kwh (and it's .09 in the parking garage at work). Gas at 14mpg & $2.40 a gallon is $171 and gas near my house is closer to $2.50, but I thought I'd give it the benefit of the doubt.
What backs up your supposition that "other users will have to pay to expand the grid for EV users" is that we are unable to create additional power generation at the same cost structure as existing power generation. Energy companies are in the business of supplying energy. They will figure it out, because their profit margins require doing so. Even if that way of figuring it out is building more LNG fired generation facilties. It's still a win for less carbon, because the thermal efficiency of a combined generation LNG turbine is way higher than any vehicle on the road today.
It's ludicrous to say that new data centers won't be built in the US, I read the article you posted and it is decidely non-technical. I come from a background in network engineering. We already know what the speed of light and the laws of physics are, and we know that serving US users from the UAE, or vice versa, will lead to poor network and application performance. You cannot overcome the laws of physics. There's a reason that the largest technology companies have datacenters all over the world. You can agree to find latency acceptable, but I doubt people, especially in the US, have patience for that.
Your comparing something exigent with something that is convenience. But I can still answer your question
For example as a society have decided we will pay for a poor persons medical care because they can't afford to. I am happy with this - its a matter of life or death, and that person has no other alternative. No different than cutting back on power usage during an ice storm, for example.
Now contrast this to 98.6% should pay so 1.4% can have enough electricity for their EV. There are two simple alternatives to the EV dilemma in this case, the owner can pay for the increase in required electrical infrastructure, or they can buy a gasoline powered car. Easy.
A third would be to simply say you can only charge your EV during periods of excess electricity. This of course gets pushback like you see above about "no one should be able to tell me when I can use power / freedom argument." When there is a draught and they say you can't water your lawn, there is always one guy that thinks there lawn is too important. There green lawn sticks out like sore thumb but there too self absorbed to care.
Its simple - where its exigent and urgent and there is no alternative, society should step in. EV's don't solve any exigent or urgent societal issues, therefore whomever wants them should pay for them.
Saying everyone should pay for expansion to the grid to power EV's is like saying that we collectively should pay for everyone to go to Disneyland.
Do you work in the health care field? Insurance companies and for-profit hospitals are really stretching the definitions of life and death these days. Anyway...
I don't know why you would cut back power in an ice storm unless the grid operator asked you to conserve. For the most part its lights on or lights off. A tree will fall on your power lines, or it won't.
I'm good with Option 3. We only charge L2 at night for the most part. Most people should be shooting for this, but in 'Merica, nobody can tell me how to charge my car, as you stated.
Lastly, we already paid to expand the grid for AC in the last 100 years. It's almost ubitquous in the South and has grown greatly in the North. AC is not "exigent", to use your terminology. Humans can. and have up until the last 100-120 years, survived when it's hot outside. Speaking to extreme heat, I'm sure Phoenix was a relatively small city in the 1800s. We built out the grid anyway to support air conditioning everywhere below the Mason-Dixon line., partially so we could be more comfortable, and partially because supply responded to demand.
Which is the same story here pretty much. Gas vehicle users are not going to be subsidizing EV owners. The infrastructure will be built out for more electricity because it is profitable for the energy companies to do so. Supply will respond to demand, regardless of other arguments.