Well, I'd say that you need to take the high road here and treat this as an accidental viewing of privileged information. (Let me add, as a side bar, that although I pride myself on this ability to view this as her PRIVATE thoughts ..99% of those I know couldn't resist "using" this as a tool to gain some imaginary "upper hand" in the eternal battle of the sexes.) Now, and this I'M SURE of, if the situation were reversed, your wife would cut you to pieces without batting an eye for such transgressions ..and punish you for an eternity for them ...but you've got to realize her handicap in these matters. She has friends and an ego too. As you mature ..and if you gain wisdom and some of the imagery of the bonding process are removed ..and you come to grips with the core motivations and realities of such things, I think you too may, in joking, reduce stuff to the lowest common denominator in rhetorical reference.
You need to realize that she's not as candid as you expected in her more intimate opinions of life as you see it. My wife openly whines about my apparent shortcomings ...and it's a total joke. She'd kill for me. Now I'd die for her ...but she'd kill for me. Once you enslave a woman to you ..and you're the king of your domain ..don't expect your primary subject to act grateful for being put in the position. In fact, they'll do whatever they can to belie the notion that they're "yours". They have their warped images of self esteem with their pals ..and they don't get to measure their ego in terms of range, with elevation, into a headwind.
"She never forgave me for making her love me."
G0D - I love my life!!
As far a in-laws and their opinions ...WHO CARES? My FIL is one miserable SOB ..he knows it ..I know it. He will always promote "his" and be critical of "others". It's in his nature. My wife's younger brother has been writing checks his reality can't cash for all of his life ..yet he's a champion in my FIL's eyes. Her older brother got where he is because, in part, due to me getting him a job in an organization that he flourished in. Yet ..I'm still the lousy son in-law
Who cares?? If I depended on meeting his criteria for my personal self esteem, I'd never be anything but a disappointment no matter how many hoops I jump through. He'd always have to assure, in his mind, that he did a better job with his son's.