Thank You!

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May 26, 2003
Central Coast, Calif.
I got this in an email I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your **** chain letters over the past year. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern... I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a wet dog on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from **** with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time). I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor. If you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will poop on your head at noon tomorrow. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend...
Hehehe, I got that one too. 2 days later the same guy emailed me a warning that using "Glade Plugins" air fresheners will cause a fire. As a rule, I don't forward anything that tells me that I have to forward it to a certain number of people within a certain amount of time. Once I get that free 6 pack of miller lite for forwarding an email 4 years ago, I may start to forward more emails. Until then, I know that Bill Gates didn't get rich by paying people to forward test emails.
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