Thank You!

[tom slick]

I got this in an email



I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send
me your **** chain letters over the past year. Thank you for
making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your
concern...

I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from
the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a
wet dog on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al Qaida in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from **** with calls
to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain
will turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys
and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out for me.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!

I will now return the favor.

If you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60
seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will poop on your head at noon
tomorrow.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a
friend of a friend of a friend...

 

[medic]

Hehehe, I got that one too.

2 days later the same guy emailed me a warning that using "Glade Plugins" air fresheners will cause a fire.

As a rule, I don't forward anything that tells me that I have to forward it to a certain number of people within a certain amount of time. Once I get that free 6 pack of miller lite for forwarding an email 4 years ago, I may start to forward more emails. Until then, I know that Bill Gates didn't get rich by paying people to forward test emails.