Which is why them going to therapy is brought up in the process but it's so difficult to bring up the topic of someone needing to think about getting therapy without them getting offended, angry, and feeling disrespected even if you word it in the kindest way you can and show you have good intentions.
One of my best friend's is an alcoholic - Any suggestions how I could help?
- Thread starter Jdeere562
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Likely buying cheap box wine or cheap hard liquor to mix. It's what serious alcoholics start to do, I've seen it.
Alcohol comes before rent, food and bills. Sad situation.
I have helped her before she became this bad. Not a sugar daddy, just small stuff. Winter coat, my old car then I bought new, little stuff.
That kind of thing does not work for everyone so you may do more harm than good. It sure has hell wouldn't work with me.
The same way low income people always manage to afford cigarettes.
When I was drinking, I knew having a lot of money would not be a good thing and just might kill me.
Back in the 80s I was drinking more than I should, and it became concerning. I got to a point that I visited a shrink. After a few visits, she concluded that I wasn’t an alcoholic, but rather I was abusing alcohol. I eventually got my hand slapped, and went cold-turkey and haven’t looked back in 40+ years. 
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The children are the ones you should be worrying about. You say she's lost 25 pounds. What are the kids eating? It is your moral obligation to call Child Protective Services.
Scott
The outcome for a workplace intervention is 65 - 75% "still at work with no apparent problems" 5 years later. To be referred by a workplace things have to be pretty bad. And obviously it has to be a workplace that's willing to give an employee a chance.
So no, it doesn't work for everyone but those are pretty good odds for the treatment of a fatal disease.
And yes I've seen employees walk away from a workplace intervention because they preferred to keep drinking. It's a powerful disease.
To put those numbers in perspective, the chances of a good outcome if a family doctor intervenes are about 10%.
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That's a tough one. A coworker....I told him back in the day, I could drink a six pack, which I could not today. He said he would drink a 12 pack every day after work. One day he fell on his face on concrete steps and got seriously injured--he said that was a sign for him that he couldn't continue. Maybe not good, but he drinks a 2 liter Coke every day at work. Maybe it's one addiction to the other....
Other than an intervention, I don't see how one person would be able to "cure" another person's addiction...
Other than an intervention, I don't see how one person would be able to "cure" another person's addiction...
I think we would all be interested in your perspective on how best to help this person.
Your willingness to talk about your past, your openness, your honesty, have all been truly valuable.
Your perspective on this situation would be equally valuable.
She has been down that road before. Had to wear some kind of alcohol detecting thing on her ankle for 30 days. She gained 25 LBS then.
Me being the friend I am, bought her a seat belt extender and gave it to her at work one day.
She got it off after 30 days, then grabbed a 12 pack on the way home. I can't change her, much as I love her.
You have absolutely no choice but to call CPS. If you don't and she plows into a tree killing her kids, is that something you're going to be able to live with?She has been down that road before. Had to wear some kind of alcohol detecting thing on her ankle for 30 days. She gained 25 LBS then.
Me being the friend I am, bought her a seat belt extender and gave it to her at work one day.
She got it off after 30 days, then grabbed a 12 pack on the way home. I can't change her, much as I love her.
I had a situation 30 years ago with a family member who I should have called CPS on - and it was something far less important than what you are faced with. The child who was affected carries that baggage to this day. What happened back then forever changed her life - for the worse. To this day - 30 years later - I still regret my lack of action.
Scott
Insurance companies normally pay as does Medicaid and Medicare.
Minimum would be AA with a sponsor.
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I've worked in behavioral health. We treated chemical dependency and I would say that some of the patients did succeed in beating alcoholism. It's not an easy path and a lot of support is needed even for the most motivated patients.
Insurances didn't pay so they were self pay, with payment taken upfront. Can be very costly to seek help like that.
Insurances didn't pay so they were self pay, with payment taken upfront. Can be very costly to seek help like that.
The Des Moines link at this site notes that some meetings are still held on Zoom, so you can attend from home:
Al-anon in Iowa
You say "Knows she has a drinking problem and admits it. Really seems to have no desire to change the lifestyle."
That's at least a little bit positive. Like many have said, nobody can make her want to change, but you can be supportive and equipped with helpful knowledge when she's ready. You clearly have your friend's best interest in mind.
A quick search suggests that many in-and outpatient programs in Iowa do accept Medicaid, if she ever decides to go to treatment. There's online therapy now, too, but I don't know about the payment implications.
AA costs nothing, and I'll bet a lot of meetings are still happening over Zoom, so she can't use childcare as an excuse. That could be enough to get her started, at least.
Al-anon in Iowa
You say "Knows she has a drinking problem and admits it. Really seems to have no desire to change the lifestyle."
That's at least a little bit positive. Like many have said, nobody can make her want to change, but you can be supportive and equipped with helpful knowledge when she's ready. You clearly have your friend's best interest in mind.
A quick search suggests that many in-and outpatient programs in Iowa do accept Medicaid, if she ever decides to go to treatment. There's online therapy now, too, but I don't know about the payment implications.
AA costs nothing, and I'll bet a lot of meetings are still happening over Zoom, so she can't use childcare as an excuse. That could be enough to get her started, at least.
The alcoholic has to decide for her or himself. Outside pressure doesn't seem to help until they realize what a mess they've made.
I got my hand slapped, my head slapped, my liberty slapped, my driver's license slapped, my rent slapped, my everything slapped.Back in the 80s I was drinking more than I should, and it became concerning. I got to a point that I visited a shrink. After a few visits, she concluded that I wasn’t an alcoholic, but rather I was abusing alcohol. I eventually got my hand slapped, and went cold-turkey and haven’t looked back in 40+ years.
Didn't phase me one bit.
I have PM'ed @Jdeere562
All I can tell you is, there is no logic here. There is no making sense of alcoholism.
Sobriety is not for people who need it.
Sobriety is not for people who want it.
Sobriety is for those who work it.
The work is the gift.
The most spiritual thing anyone ever said to me was, "Get yer ass to that meeting."
At my 1st meeting, I was a lost, defeated soul. Bankrupt. 3rd DUI; shoulda been my millionth. Destruction staring me down. And I deserved every bit of it.
This wonderful lady stood up and declared, "For you newcomers. I have a message for you. You never have to take another drink for the rest of your life if you don't want to."
It was like an incredible slap in the face; I could never have imagined such a thing. I did not believe it.
That was 37.5 years ago; I have not had a drop since that 1st day.
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