Cutting ties with my best friend tomorrow.

[Creekside]

So we’ve cleaned out the shop this morning. Their business hours are to open at 8 on Saturday and I showed up at 8:15. They weren’t even out of bed yet. I picked up everything that was mine with the help of my dad who took video of everything. I finally messaged her at 9 and was told to leave the keys on the desk which I refused (found the shop all unlocked when I arrived) and they owed me a spare set of keys for my wrecker. She finally showed up with mine, I turned theirs in, had a brief explosion and I left. He never showed his face. My final words were “tell **** I said hi since he couldn’t be bothered to even show his face over here” and I didn’t hear what she was screaming at me as I left. I think that door has been slammed shut for a while.

 

[Creekside]

I didn’t expect it to go really sideways and it honestly didn’t other than my conversation with her. He is on probation for 3 different charges at the moment and she is on it for 1. The last thing they want is to have to get any law enforcement involved for any reason.

 

[slo town]

I didn’t expect it to go really sideways and it honestly didn’t other than my conversation with her. He is on probation for 3 different charges at the moment and she is on it for 1. The last thing they want is to have to get any law enforcement involved for any reason.

Both of them are on probation? Like others have said, you need to upgrade your circle of friends. If you can find the time, do some volunteer work that puts you into a better pool of humans. IMO, that would be a great way to find new friends.

Scott

 

[Creekside]

Both of them are on probation? Like others have said, you need to upgrade your circle of friends. If you can find the time, do some volunteer work that puts you into a better pool of humans.

Scott

Correct. This should’ve happened a long time ago.

 

[Pew]

I didn’t expect it to go really sideways and it honestly didn’t other than my conversation with her. He is on probation for 3 different charges at the moment and she is on it for 1. The last thing they want is to have to get any law enforcement involved for any reason.

In this case, I would agree that it's best for you to separate yourself from them but be mindful that he may not be doing this on his own accord. It sounds like she's got him by the balls and he may not have the mental "fortitude" (for the lack of better words) to act upon this. In any case, she sounds like bad news and will drag him and anybody else down with her.

FWIW, I was in your friend's situation once minus the drinking and parole. I constantly ignored a friend when he called and eventually after a year or so he cut ties with me. He even found her on Plenty of Fish when we were trying to work things out, he told me, and she completely bombed him like you just experienced. Once I got out of that relationship, I realized just how stupid my actions were, I called him up to apologize for my actions (or lack thereof) and to my luck he understood and we're still close friends now.

Like somebody else stated, distance yourself from them but keep the door open for him. It doesn't sound like he's doing it on his own accord but following this toxic lady.

 

[Al]

I can't begin to suggest what to do. You know the situation. Go with what YOU think is best. If your friend wants to open the door someday.....

 

[WylieCoyote]

They both sound like they're living at Dysfunction Junction so distance yourself as quickly and cleanly as possible. The alternative is to sacrifice your dignity, self respect and whatever else to salvage the friendship, and be dragged down with them.

 

[tnt_motorsports]

Glad it went somewhat ok @Creekside. The world is full of idiots and a$$holes. It seems like you will be better off without these folks. Glad you got your stuff back and good call on not leaving the keys for them.

Here’s to better days ahead! Enjoy the holidays and have a Merry Christmas!

Just my $0.02

 

[spasm3]

Creekside -

Sorry to hear that you're at this crossroads.

Some folks may say that you're not being a good friend for abandoning him/her. The danger with dealing with addicts is that they have far more ability to drag you down than you do to pull them up. They have no control(s) in their lives, and therefore there is genuine and legitmate risk in being around them. It's hard enough for a well-seasoned person to lend help to addicts, let alone a young adult such as yourself. You'll notice that not one person here has said "you're wrong; go back to them." At 27 years old, this is probably a new and tough decision for you; an opportunity to mature. Your friend and his wife are not maturing; they are stuck in childish behaviors, making poor decisions (as is common with addicts). Growth often is accompanied by some pain; this is a perfect example.

I believe the general concensus here would be for you to politely exit their lives, stay available for conversations only from a distance, and move on with your life.

He is on probation for 3 different charges at the moment and she is on it for 1. The last thing they want is to have to get any law enforcement involved for any reason.

Both of them are on probation? Like others have said, you need to upgrade your circle of friends. If you can find the time, do some volunteer work that puts you into a better pool of humans. IMO, that would be a great way to find new friends.

Scott

Keep the toxic people out of your life, especially at 27. You are too young to help them( because they see you as similar to them , not older and wiser), and it seems they don't want help.

I don't see what you would have in common with people that are on probation for multible charges. Clear your life of them, and surround your self with those with higher aspirations for themselves. Drop them like a rock. And stay away. When they get in trouble again, or need money then you will hear from them. Cut the ties and don't go back unless they COMPLETELY turn their lives around, and that will take awhile.

Everything you have stated you have done, makes rational sense and are good decisions, don't go back on them.

 

[Dave Hess]

Both of them are on probation? Like others have said, you need to upgrade your circle of friends. If you can find the time, do some volunteer work that puts you into a better pool of humans. IMO, that would be a great way to find new friends.

Scott

Yep, stay far away from toxic people and find better people to associate with.

 

[brianl703]

Yep, stay far away from toxic people and find better people to associate with.

There seems to be no shortage of people who make one bad decision after another and are always asking others for help in the form of money or a place to stay. They never seem to learn from these bad decisions.

I don't know if they're toxic--that to me sounds like someone who intentionally does malicious things--but their "bad luck" impacts almost everyone that tries to help them.

 

[Dave Hess]

My wife has a very tight group of 5 friends in town. They go to trivia every week and someone is always at the house. She recently asked me if I was ok without having a male "best friend". I reassured her that I'm fine and really don't feel the need for someone like that in my life.

Lots of people have a ‘work spouse’ at their job without any hanky panky going on.

 

[Eric Smith]

I don't blame anyone for cutting ties anymore. Last week I blanked a coworker out of life... almost high school blankety but it's nothing compared to OPs. He never took responsibility for his actions and always try's deflect to others. He's telling everyone I forgot where I come from and he kept me from getting fired several times. Good grief that was 12 years ago and never happened... like I said feels like he's either watched too many mob or high school movies!

 

[wrcsixeight]

I have recently realized most of my so called friends,, a tight group from our early teen years through our mid 20s in the late 8ps through early 90s,. treat friendship like a zero sum game.


In one annoying chain text with infantile 'humor' and endless, witless.political memes, that I had asked repeatedly to be removed from, when I found myself being mocked and portrayed as the universal villain, I told them all to F off, go into their contact list and delete me. Good riddance.

Of course, it did not stop. Group think echo chamber gangup.

I did not respond, instead, I turned on airplane mode and tried to think about pleasant things instead.

Days later, when i took it out of airplane mode, there was 2 voicemails waiting, and dozens of expired mms texts.

1st voicemail was from the day i told em all to F off and delete me from their contacts.
One guy, repeatedly, begging me to call him back.
Drunk and slurring, sounding utterly pathetic.

Figure I'd call on a workday midweek, when he'd be sober.

Next voicemail was from another 'friend', telling me the other guy, the night before, ate his rifle in front of his cheating wife.

No more chain texts after that.
No texts at all....

 

[dlundblad]

I had to do this to a friend in college. We were pretty close for the longest time.

 

[Dave Hess]

Sometimes in life your only and best friend (besides your wife) is your dog.

I‘m NOT joking around. 🐶

 

[DuckRyder]

Status of friendship aside, I would be very concerned about having my property (tools) in a location controlled by felons... sounds like an opportunity for stuff to be seized or tied up in foreclosures etc...

I also wouldn't want them have keys to my anything...

She sounds like a piece of work..

 

[Pablo]

I have no friends. Problem solved.

 

[billt460]

Sometimes in life your only and best friend (besides your wife) is your dog.

I‘m NOT joking around. 🐶

You're correct. That's pretty much my situation. And I'm happier because of it.... As far as the OP's situation. It sounds as though his new "wife" has put him on a Kamakazi course.

Better to pull the handle, and eject from that mess now, instead of waiting to ride it in, and crash with them. After it ends you can then safely search for survivors.

 

[dlundblad]

I have no friends. Problem solved.

Same.