One of my best friend's is an alcoholic - Any suggestions how I could help?

[Jdeere562]

We worked together for years, and got to be close friends. She came from an alcohol abusing family, so it came naturally.
Probably one of the nicest people that I have ever known. A Really big heart and would do about anything for people.

Knows she has a drinking problem and admits it. I just hate to see what she is turning into. Hard to change their minds that they need help.
Really seems to have no desire to change the lifestyle.

At this point, all I can do is love my friend. I suspect, even if she went into rehab and got dried out, first stop out would be grab a 12 pack.
Has lost about 25 LBS in the last year. It's really getting sad.

Any ideas?

 

[wlk]

Nothing will change unless She wants to change. Rehabs, AA and the sorts are useless until she wants it. Keep loving her and encouraging her until she makes the choice. Seen it too much in my family, work and friends. Good luck

 

[demarpaint]

Join Alanon, you'll learn you can't fix it.

 

[cptbarkey]

Professional therapy to understand why she drinks, how to cope better, focus on stopping, and getting the support she needs for the very dangerous withdrawals.

 

[Clyde the Pointer]

It takes ~ 5 yrs for the alcoholic thinking to go away, so WLK's suggestion is valid at this point.

 

[SARG52]

Your life is a one way trip. Walk away.

 

[ecotourist]

I've helped alcoholics recover. But my own brother died of alcoholism. I sent an alcohol counselor (a fellow Mason) after him. That helped for a couple of months. I enthused about my experience in a substance abuse treatment center (as a medical resident trainee). When he complained of health problems I challenged him about his drinking. He made a choice - and he chose to carry on drinking.

If there is any hope, it would be a group challenge (many or all of her friends at once) or her employer (if they have a strong occupational health or employee assistance program). The "tough love" approach.

Most alcoholics are nice people. They hurt a lot privately and the drinking "helps".

 

[Jdeere562]

Your life is a one way trip. Walk away.

I can't do that, simple as it sounds.

And I can't join Alanon. Shut in and can't drive.

 

[Donald]

Sobriety is for those who want it vs need it.

The preferred way would be inpatient detox followed by inpatient rehab followed by outpatient rehab and AA.

I heard they have outpatient detox in some areas.


If a person needs a drink in the morning and/or doesn't get hangovers then their body has become dependent on alcohol and detox is really recommended.

A relapse or several is not unusual. They need to keep trying.

One of the points of going to several AA meetings a week is to keep busy, not have time to sit home bored and then drink.

Some people need to hit bottom. A common comment from an alcoholic "I did not get into trouble every time I drank, but everytime I got into trouble I had been drinking".

 

[Wylie6G72]

I learned the hard way a long time ago that the changes can only come from the addict. Most people I've known with this affliction have had to hit rock bottom and finally desire change in their life before they made any changes. No external forces can do that for them. I hate to tell you this, but trying to make your friend change will only lose the friendship for you. Their allegiances are with the substance while they're using. I'm not saying you've tried, just advising that you tread lightly if you plan to.

 

[nickaluch]

I have zero patience for alcoholics I just walk away especially the nasty ones

 

[Jdeere562]

Sobriety is for those who want it vs need it.

The preferred way would be inpatient detox followed by inpatient rehab followed by outpatient rehab and AA.

I see no way she could afford that. Single Mom with kids and barley makes ends meet. Probably living on healthcare from Medicaid or what ever. Would Medicaid or Medicare even pay for that? Or even insurance companies?

 

[Kira]

"They say" alcoholics pull 20 people down with them.....don't be one of them.

You just said that you're a shut in .....ergo helping yourself cope is way harder than it should be.
How effective do you think you can be helping someone else.

 

[Astro14]

She has to want to change. It can’t be pushed from any external source, no matter how well meaning.

 

[wpod]

Drugs and alcohol are bad.

 

[JavierH19]

Went through the same with my late brother. There's really nothing you can do as it's only her will in wanting to change that will be effective. Sorry if it hurts but it is what it is. I'd suggest to disconnect and if she asks why you're disconnecting say you are beginning to mitigate future pain and trying to not feel bad anymore because you see a bad trajectory you can't change. Sometimes that can work in getting people to realize more deeply and start that spark of self change. I stopped drinking for the most part but I'll occasionally have something when I'm out or at a gathering but I stop well before getting tipsy.

 

[Kira]

Re post #15 ^^As are laziness, stupidity, cheap/boastful pride, gluttony, greed, selective naivety, selective blindness ....

 

[k1xv]

Often alcohol abuse is a response to a hard to resolve life problem causing a desire to escape via the bottle.

 

[Slick3914]

I see no way she could afford that. Single Mom with kids and barley makes ends meet. Probably living on healthcare from Medicaid or what ever. Would Medicaid or Medicare even pay for that? Or even insurance companies?

How does she afford all the alcohol?

 

[JavierH19]

I have zero patience for alcoholics I just walk away especially the nasty ones

Honestly it's the best thing to do with them. Some alcoholics like the attention they get from people wanting to help them. It really is best to just throw them out of your life and let them burn on their own so they can hit rock bottom faster and harder to where if it's possible for them to change they will and if they never were then you can't feel bad about not wasting your time as it would have been for nothing.