Mom's will - I need help!

Rob Taggs · Mar 2, 2005

Are there any lawyers here? I need help! My mother is slowly dying from cancer and she changed her will from me being the executor to my brother, since she is know living with him and bought the house that my brother, his family, and my mom are living in. The problem is that when I was the executor in the past my brother approached me knowing this and said that he and I should cheat my sister out of her third of any money we receive. This just blew me away! I would never do such a thing. You have to understand my sister is mentally ill and alot of the time not a nice person to be around. My brother thought that my sister being the way she is would give us justification to steal her third of the pie.
Now that my brother is the executor I have the strong feeling that he will get the whole pie any which way he can. I was told at the court house that there is no way I can get a copy of my mom's will after she is dead. I also ran into this when my father died. I asked mom for a copy of the dad's will. That was the wrong thing to ask! Dad had a what I believe is called a conusol or what ever in the will giving mom total control of any assets if she chose to, which she did. Mom has two retirement checks of dad's coming in totaling around $4,000 a month and she still took all the money that dad said in the will (Which I finally found a copy of) was supposed to be split 3 ways among my sister, brother, and myself(There went my college education!) This did not surprise me, my mom's side of the family is very greedy.

When the will is read and my brother who I know will not have my sister or I present how does a person have any recourse? As I understand and maybe I'm wrong but, a will is basically a secret document that no one has any right seeing.

Does anyone have any answers for me? I'm lost. When the day comes I guess I'm going to have to hire an attorney. HELP!!!

wwillson · Mar 2, 2005

Just go talk to an attorney. Don't try to save a few hundred $ by getting legal advice here or anywhere else on the internet.

outrun · Mar 2, 2005

If Medical see a Doctor.

If Legal see a Lawyer.

Sorry to be short, just following an ol' military adage: "KIS" Keep-it-Simple

pitzel · Mar 2, 2005

Long winded, but not really professional post -- deleted.

See a lawyer on this one. And maybe a counsellor/therapist as well -- I've been through the situation of an estate matter, and dealing with it was the most emotionally draining experience I could ever imagine. Especially when your relationship with close family members becomes adversarial.

[ March 03, 2005, 01:37 AM: Message edited by: pitzel ]

Cutehumor · Mar 2, 2005

I'm by no means a lawyer in any sense. But threaten your brother that you'll get a lawyer involved and maybe that will change his tune.

Dave Hess · Mar 2, 2005

Unfortunately, money always seems to bring out the bad in people and your brother might want you out of the picture. Its best to seek advice from an attorney.

msparks · Mar 2, 2005

Sorry about your situation. Why people are that way I don't know. Of coarse ours was just the opposite, My Mother-in-law lived with us for 10 years. The older "brother" to my wife didn't do a thing to help. Actually the "mother" wanted to cut him out of the will, but she passed before she could change it.

All is good now, I think if the "mother" would have done that my wife and her brother would not be talking.

On my side, I don't have to worry about a will, my folks are so far in debt, it would take them until they are 100 if they stopped spending right now (which isn't gonna happen) so I'm not counting on anything.

"I'll make my own destiny thank you"

As said above, go talk to a lawyer about your brother, you should have some sort of case to get the exectutor of the will changed to a "3rd" party becuase of what he said about your sister.

"cheating" someone out of a legal document, even talking of it should be a crime of some sorts. In the very least it shows he is a dirty crook. "If it were me I'd call him on it!!"

andrews · Mar 2, 2005

Either get a lawyer and fight over the whole issue, or forget about it and let your Mom do what she wants in regard to your brother. Your Mom is still alive and has made this decision about your brother, right? It sounds like your brother is a piece of garbage and will do whatever it takes to get any money coming to him. Do you really need the money? Is it worth all the trouble? Give half of your cut to your sister. My brother is a freak as well. It's been eighteen years since I've seen him (his choice). Families can suck, don't let money be your master. Tell your brother how you see it and if he still doesn't care, write his buttocks and the money, off.

Schmoe · Mar 2, 2005

One case that you could use is that if the will was changed will she was undergoing chemotherapy and pain medication, that she was not of "sound will and judgement" and that she may have been forced to sign a will. That could be reason to open a case.

GROUCHO MARX · Mar 2, 2005

If I'm not reading this wrong, I think Robb may have concerns that his brother might just take everything.

An Attorney is called for in this situation. A person's last wish should call for some integrity.

TallPaul · Mar 2, 2005

Definitely need a lawyer. I have about $45,000 tied up in a house I inherited 1/4 of, but can't get it because my sister is living there and won't move out, won't work, won't pay me rent, and refuses to allow the house to be priced to sell. I could force her legally, but it is not worth it to me for various reasons including not wanting the stress. Someday, I should get my 1/4, whatever it is worth by then, but in your case it looks like you could lose the whole thing. Get a lawyer, and do research to find a decent one. There are some whou will just try to milk the estate; others actually will help. Oh yeah, we haven't talked in months now. The lawyer who set up the trust is an incompetent jerk.

pitzel · Mar 3, 2005

quote:

Originally posted by Schmoe:
One case that you could use is that if the will was changed will she was undergoing chemotherapy and pain medication, that she was not of "sound will and judgement" and that she may have been forced to sign a will. That could be reason to open a case.

Unfortunately that tends to be extremely expensive, and unless the conduct was clearly, obviously, and significantly vexatious or abusive, all of the court costs and lawyer costs/disbursements get taxed back to the estate itself.

It really sucks, but usually 'the lawyers win' in estate matters unless they are for enormous sums of money.

3000GT VR-4 · Mar 3, 2005

Rob, do you have a copy of the original will making you executor? If so, hang onto it. If the new will was not executed properly, the old one is still in force and you could still be the executor. I believe that as an heir you have a right to see the will. You might want to talk to your mother about the change and see if she will change it back or at least make you co-executors. I recommend that you have her set up a revocable trust to put all the assets in, if possible. With just a will, even if your brother is the executor, most of the assets will still be probated (the real estate may not, depending on how title is held) and it costs a lot of $$. I went through this when my mother died - she had a trust but didn't put everything in it. My brother and I got immediate control of the assets in the trust, but what she didn't put in there had to be probated - it took 2 1/2 years, a court order, and a lot of cash for us to get control of them. I agree with the other folks, time to call a lawyer (I am not one). Good luck.

Al · Mar 3, 2005

Honestly, for your own peace of mind: Check locally and by word of mouth or other resources talk to a lawter..it'll cost less than a couple of hundred. Get your questions in writing and know exactly what you want to ask. Don't let the lawyer wander fron the topic ($$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$)

Rob Taggs · Mar 3, 2005

I'm definitly taking everyone's advice and getting a lawyer when mom passes away. My mom has always played all three of us kids against one another (You know, the he said, she said this about you) which most of it was just sick entertainment for my mother. I will just never understand why a mother would do this to her own children? My wife and I have caught my mom in several lies over the years. I wonder if this is some sort of mental illness she has?

As for my brother, he is just plain greedy. He has always been that way. This is sad. How he thinks he will be able to pull off an illegal stunt with the will is everyones guess? My brother got out of the Marine Corp and mom put him in business immediatly. He has a very successful floor laying business ( Tile, carpet, and Hard Wood Floors). Bill makes very good money doing this. Makes me think why he would want all the money in the will?

As for my sister, I think the idea of giving her half of what I might get is a very good idea.

It is for the principal of the whole matter that I'm going to fight him on this. I told my wife last night that I don't care if I get a dime in the end. Right is right, and Wrong is wrong. I have always prided myself in being honest with everyone.

Note: I took a test last night to see what career field might suit me best. Attorney came up at the very top of a small list! Maybe I missed my calling!

outrun · Mar 3, 2005

I'm by no means a lawyer in any sense. But threaten your brother that you'll get a lawyer involved and maybe that will change his tune.

My Mom is an attorney and after working there, and hearing stories it has made me both wary and wise.

I reject this option.

Lawyers are essentially hit-men.

Instead of assinating you with a pistol they will take ya out with a briefcase full of eloquently worded motions.

Hit-men will not warn you when they are about to rub you out.

So, do not warn your enemies before you strike.

By alerting him you allow for him to defensively retailate weaking your position.

Last thing you want is to be accused of threating the defendant.

Strike fast, strike silent.

andrews · Mar 3, 2005

Rob,
I'm glad you considered, if all else fails, to maybe give your sister your half of the money. You sound a bit like me.....I don't like looking for or receiving money with any strings attached. It's always best to just earn what you have, and family strife over money just isn't worth it. I've known many families that have been ruined from greed and envy. If your Mom wants her screwed up son to get her money....so be it. Call it yin and yang or what goes around comes around, but your brother will suffer for his actions in the end, and you will have clean hands and a healthy self respect!

Shannow · Mar 4, 2005

I've seen a family of three kids (well 50 year old kids) in similar circumstances. (close friends)

Brother A (executor) says to Brother B "our sister has cancer if we drag it out long enough, then we can split it 50:50".

Brother B immediately sends equivalent to a third of the estate to his sister, not wanting her to suffer, in spite of it putting his business at risk.

Estate settled and each gets a third. Brother B no longer out of pocket.

Sister C passes on.

Sister C's husband sends a bill to the family, claiming 2/3 of his loss of income while caring for their sister.

People suck !!!

I've asked my parents and in-laws to make sure that when they go they have spent every cent that they've earned.

They've earned it, they deserve to enjoy it..all.

JohnnyO · Mar 5, 2005

quote:

Originally posted by Rob Taggs:
My mom has always played all three of us kids against one another (You know, the he said, she said this about you) which most of it was just sick entertainment for my mother.

Some people simply get their jollies by making other people fight. My mom's sister is like that. It's gone on long enough though that nobody believes her anyway. She's nutty and an alcoholic besides.

quote:

Originally posted by Rob Taggs:
I wonder if this is some sort of mental illness she has?

My mom has OCD about certain things, I never realized it until I saw that I did too, although I'm not nearly so bad. Growing up, I just thought everybody vaccumed their house twice a day because I didn't know any different. She's getting worse as she gets older though.

[ March 05, 2005, 12:15 PM: Message edited by: JohnnyO ]

Mom's will - I need help!

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