Offshore Christmas
It was the night before Christmas,
And everyone at work
Was feeling kind of pissie
Cause the boss man was a jerk.
The people that I roomed with
Were laying fast asleep,
A snoring and a farting
Like a darned herd of sheep.
The hard hats and steel toes
Were outside in the halls
Smelling like Linberger cheese
When suddenly I heard a sound
That almost pierced my ears
Followed by some footsteps
That I thought might be reindeers
So I opened up my door
And what came running past
A roustabout his first time out
With rig dope in his mouth
I watched him in amazement
As he staggered out of sight
And I knew right from that moment
This weren't no regular Christmas night
So I crawled back into my rack
And tried to do my best
To lay there almost motionless
And try to get some rest
When once again I heard a noise
That has to be Saint Nick
Then a Cuban speaking galleyhand
Said 5 o'clock you jerk
So I tried to wash my sleepy face
And start my day with hope
I dried my eyes and then looked down
At pubic hair on the soap
I finally made my way downstairs
And what came into view
The blurry figure of a man
That everybody knew
He didn't have no white beard
Or dimples on his chin
He said Merry [censored]' Christmas hand
Your ain't going in
So enjoy your bloody Christmas
May you have many more
Cause while you're opening up your gifts
My butt is stuck offshore
It was the night before Christmas,
And everyone at work
Was feeling kind of pissie
Cause the boss man was a jerk.
The people that I roomed with
Were laying fast asleep,
A snoring and a farting
Like a darned herd of sheep.
The hard hats and steel toes
Were outside in the halls
Smelling like Linberger cheese
When suddenly I heard a sound
That almost pierced my ears
Followed by some footsteps
That I thought might be reindeers
So I opened up my door
And what came running past
A roustabout his first time out
With rig dope in his mouth
I watched him in amazement
As he staggered out of sight
And I knew right from that moment
This weren't no regular Christmas night
So I crawled back into my rack
And tried to do my best
To lay there almost motionless
And try to get some rest
When once again I heard a noise
That has to be Saint Nick
Then a Cuban speaking galleyhand
Said 5 o'clock you jerk
So I tried to wash my sleepy face
And start my day with hope
I dried my eyes and then looked down
At pubic hair on the soap
I finally made my way downstairs
And what came into view
The blurry figure of a man
That everybody knew
He didn't have no white beard
Or dimples on his chin
He said Merry [censored]' Christmas hand
Your ain't going in
So enjoy your bloody Christmas
May you have many more
Cause while you're opening up your gifts
My butt is stuck offshore
