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Mar 19, 2004
what do you call 500 lawyers in the bottom of the ocean?

A Start!!!!
Subject: Lawyers

Lawyers will never be bitten when
thrown into a Shark Tank.

It's called "Professional Courtesy". ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬
You're in a locked room w/ a rattlesnake, an aligator, and a lawyer. You have a revolver w/ only 2 bullets. Which do you shoot?

The lawyer; twice.

Difference Between a lawyer dead in the road and a snake dead in the road:

snake has skid marks in front of it!

1) Gee, can't anyone come up with any fresh lawyer jokes??? With the exception of the Chelsea joke, all of this stuff is at least 20 years old. . .

2) With "insurance adjuster" substituted for "lawyer", these would actually approach be funny.

3) My favorite new clients are the ones who obviously enjoyed this sort of joke, right up until the moment they found themselves in a bind and in my office. Being able to read people well is a gift I enjoy -- no discounts for those who yesterday were equating me with a shark!
Allright Ekpolk.....Let' see if you heard this one.

A hindu, a jew and a lawyer, are walking though a town. They knock on a farmer's door and ask to spend the night. The farmer's welcomes them, but informs them that his spare room only has 2 beds, and that one of them will have to spend the night in the barn. The Hindu volunteers and heads for the barn as the jew and the lawyer settle down for bed. A few minutes later, the jew and the lawyer hear a knock at the door. They open the's the hindu. The hindu says "There is a cow in the barn which is sacred to my religion. I can't sleep with a sacred cow.". The Jew then volunteers for the barn and heads off, as the lawyer and the hindu settle down to bed. A few minutes pass and there is a knock on the door. They open the door and there stands the jew. "There is a pig in the barn. I cannot sleep with a pig.". The lawyer then volunteers for the barn and heads off and the jew and the hindu settle down to bed. A few minutes pass and they hear a knock at the door. They open the door........................It's the pig and the cow.

Ekpolk, I am just messing with you.

[ July 12, 2004, 10:36 PM: Message edited by: sbc350gearhead ]
It's cool, and I actually hadn't heard that one before.

Sorry all for my gram-o/typo in my last post, time for editing has expired. Did you hear the one about the inarticulate lawyer. . .

And I will admit, the Chelsea one is kinda funny.
Got this on email a year or so ago so maybe folks have seen it before, but it certainly bears repeating:

The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps.
They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.

How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three. The rest are true stories.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

What did the lawyer name his daughter?

What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your honor.

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.

What does a lawyer use for birth control?
His personality.

What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites?
New Jersey got first choice.

What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton
(ek, i'm not piling on here, but it was the first time i saw this joke)

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers-by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative. He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer."

"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"
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