Is being married with no children good or bad

[skyactiv]

My wife and I tried having a baby in 2014.
She has type 1 diabetes albeit being tall and skinny. She takes good care of her diabetes, but went into diabetic shock in her sleep which caused her to have a miscarriage in the second trimester.
Due to her age and career, we decided not to give it another go or to adopt.
I feel like I'm missing something in life having no children. Things I can't put in words.
And what may sound odd to some is that I believe my wife's and I existence will cease when we die. We obviously won't have the possibility of great, great, great, great... grand children long after we're dead.

 

[DuckRyder]

IMO You need to be talking to your wife about this, not us.

IMO 2 Being married with no children is neither good nor bad inherently, it is simply being married with no children...

 

[d00df00d]

Well, you're definitely missing something. Whether that's a net-negative or net-positive in your life is up to you. There are people who are happy or miserable in all degrees, with or without kids.

As for your position on death, I'm with you 100%. But keep in mind, the same is true whether you have kids or not. The only thing you KNOW lives on after you is your legacy, and there are plenty of ways to have a legacy without kids.

FWIW.

 

[Al]

Originally Posted By: skyactiv
We obviously won't have the possibility of great, great, great, great... grand children long after we're dead.

Who cares...you always "think" you miss what you didn't get. I raised 2, put them through college. But there was sacrifice which took a physical toll on both of us.

We love our grandkids/kids. But ignorance is bliss. Raising kids is a fools mission. Enjoy each other, travel, do good works, retire in Hawaii and don't worry about the "Road Not taken"

Besides the earth doesn't need more kids. And the way this world is going, do you want to bring kids into this world?
[/adjusts flame suit]

 

[andrewg]

Adopt then. I'm sure plenty of great kids could use a wonderful home to loving and caring parents.

You can adopt here...or abroad. As long as you guys qualify and have a decent income, I don't think it's all that difficult.

 

[Dave Hess]

Bad.

No children = no family

 

[JC1]

Having kids is an experience like no other. It teaches you a lot about yourself and forces you to change your view of things.

There are days I wish we didn't have kids, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world.

If you cannot conceive, what about adopting?

 

[Leo99]

Originally Posted By: Al
Originally Posted By: skyactiv
We obviously won't have the possibility of great, great, great, great... grand children long after we're dead.

Who cares...you always "think" you miss what you didn't get. I raised 2, put them through college. But there was sacrifice which took a physical toll on both of us.

We love our grandkids/kids. But ignorance is bliss. Raising kids is a fools mission. Enjoy each other, travel, do good works, retire in Hawaii and don't worry about the "Road Not taken"

Besides the earth doesn't need more kids. And the way this world is going, do you want to bring kids into this world?
[/adjusts flame suit]



I concur. My kids drive me nuts. I'd be looking forward to retirement in a few years if I didn't have kids. I mean I love them and support them but... You're not missing out on anything.

 

[UNC151]

Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
No children = no family
I have children and step children, but no children != no family. The two of them are a family despite the traditional definition of the word. In many ways, a family is a state of mind. Just my

 

[CT8]

Besides the earth doesn't need more kids. And the way this world is going, do you want to bring kids into this world?
[/adjusts flame suit] [/quote]Yep there are enough kids that do not have proper parenting. The who be daddy puppies.

 

[NHGUY]

I'm not married and have no kids.I actually feel quite lucky as opposed to the abuse/turmoil some others have had.But,they made their own bed...and now have to lie in it...

 

[yvon_la]

if you want to experience the mischief children bring then open a help house for children . usually governement have homeless children that need help and need to be steered in the right direction . usually governement pay for it all . you only need to want to help children in need. ( some children are stuck with parent that cannot help their children because those parent are enslaved to their bad ways ,sometime of their own chosing most of the time other made the situation happen for these people but the problem for the children remain , no parent or anybody that can even feed them one meal a day or a hug a week

 

[BigD1]

You are missing attending that graduation day(s), all those birthday parties, opening presents on Christmas morning, and hearing your kids say, Daddy, I love Santa Claus. Teaching them how to catch a ball, and hit it too, and all the trips to the ball park cheering for them. These are some of the things that I would have missed if I did not have kids.

 

[Trav]

Originally Posted By: DuckRyder
IMO You need to be talking to your wife about this, not us.

IMO 2 Being married with no children is neither good nor bad inherently, it is simply being married with no children...


+1 on that. A message board is the last place you should be looking at for that sort of feedback.
People with kids are going to say you are missing out on something great and those without will say you are not missing anything, both are totally biased and equally useless to you IMHO.

A Priest, Pastor or other religious leader or a professional may be a better place to look, not for the answer (I don't think anyone can give you an answer) but to help you and your wife find your own answers that you can both live with.

 

[beanoil]

The only thing that matters here is how you and your wife feel about it. If you want a child, you have options. Adoption or maybe a surrogate Mom.
As you have seen in the thread, some have had a blessed experience, others not so much. That's just life, period. You won't know what the future holds either way until you are there. My experience has been a mixed bag, good and rewarding to "Wow why did I do this?". Still don't think I'd trade it for the road not taken though....

 

[Leo99]

Originally Posted By: BigD1
You are missing attending that graduation day(s), all those birthday parties, opening presents on Christmas morning, and hearing your kids say, Daddy, I love Santa Claus. Teaching them how to catch a ball, and hit it too, and all the trips to the ball park cheering for them. These are some of the things that I would have missed if I did not have kids.


Swing by any courthouse or jail and you'll see people's kids, too. Raising kids is not all cake and presents.

 

[JHZR2]

Sorry to hear of the miscarriage.

How old is she? Diabetes aside, that's the greatest determinant of all.

Never expected the joy we have had raising a child. Yes, there are some late nights, some lost sleep, etc. but it's beyond worth it. Granted, my wife does a lot of the heavy lifting. And it would likely be the case for you too. So your wife would really, really need to be into it to try again.

I can't imagine my life without a little one, and certainly more than one. That's just us. I didn't necessarily always feel that way and there's nothing wrong with others who don't. Whatever choice you and she make is the right choice. Nothing else about it. But I'd be lying to you if I said there wasn't joy every time my three year old smiles.

 

[BigD1]

Originally Posted By: Leo99
Originally Posted By: BigD1
You are missing attending that graduation day(s), all those birthday parties, opening presents on Christmas morning, and hearing your kids say, Daddy, I love Santa Claus. Teaching them how to catch a ball, and hit it too, and all the trips to the ball park cheering for them. These are some of the things that I would have missed if I did not have kids.


Swing by any courthouse or jail and you'll see people's kids, too. Raising kids is not all cake and presents.


That's just life up and down. I know I have gone through some bad times myself personally with my kids, but in the end after they are all grown up like mine, and everything has gone full circle I would do it again.

 

[turtlevette]

Originally Posted By: skyactiv
sound odd to some is that I believe my wife's and I existence will cease when we die. We obviously won't have the possibility of great, great, great, great... grand children long after we're dead.


I don't understand that. After a couple of generations, they couldnt care less about you. All the corny platitudes you hear about how kids are so great, about how the birth of a child is the most wonderful thing. I get tired of hearing all that. Why do you want to bring more people into the world only to have their existence cease? Isn't that a kind of cruel joke? You need to think it thru a little better. Or stop thinking about it and live the life you are given.

I mean, if your existence ceases when you're dead, then there's no point to any of this for any of us. Might as well blow your brains out now.

 

[Dave Hess]

JHZR2,

I agree. The most important thing in any woman's life is her children and having a family.