Having kids.....1.5 per family the norm?

[Nick1994]

Originally Posted By: CT8
Originally Posted By: exranger06
Wife and I are in our 30s, we both work full time, and we have two young daughters (2 year old and 5 month old). There's no way we could pay all of our bills with just one of us working. We used to have my wife's parents watching the girls full-time, but my father in law's health has been deteriorating recently, and my mother in law is recovering from a broken pelvis, so we had to put the girls in daycare. Daycare costs $532 per week. My in-laws pay half of the daycare bill since we can't afford it on our own.
2006 Ford Ranger Sport
1992 Honda Accord EX
2004 Honda CR-V LX
1994 Ford Bronco XLT (project)
2011 Cadillac Escalade ESV (wife's)


Sorry, but I agree. An Escalade because you needed room for 2 car seats and strollers? An Escalade? Like, really? LOL

A Caravan or Kia Sedona wouldn’t have worked?

 

[Mr Nice]

Escalade is better in crash testing so its safer to transport the kids.

 

[Smokescreen]

"We become more selfish over time and want "our" time"...and material stuff

Pretty much nails it.

What is the difference between the 50's to 80's compared to today? Single income, lots of kids and not an abundance of possessions/vacations/stuff that doesn't matter. It is the exact opposite of what we live today.

It can still be done an I am proof, but I admit...it requires looking beyond ones self.

 

[Nick1994]

Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
Escalade is better in crash testing so its safer to transport the kids.
Sorry but that’s kind of stupid.

Also, so what’s wrong with a Tahoe then?

 

[Al]

Originally Posted By: 28oz
Originally Posted By: Al
Originally Posted By: 28oz
It's hard to see that since I grew up poor and had to fight for every scrap I've ever had. Just my experience. YMMV, of course.

But you did it to yourself so don't complain.



Did what to myself? Grow up poor? Not sure what you mean.

Forgive me I read it wrong. I thought you were complaining bc others have more than you bc you have 4 kids.

 

[pbm]

Originally Posted By: 28oz
Originally Posted By: pbm
Sadly, the only people having large families anymore are those on 'public assistance'.....which doesn't bode well for our future, IMO....


I disagree. I'm not on public assistance and many would think my family of 6 is "large". I know many families that are even larger and not on assistance. I also know many single people who ARE on assistance. It generally comes down to decisions and choices as previously stated.



I commend you for having a large family and taking responsibility for them....sometimes people go on 'public assistance' because of no fault of their own...other times it's because they are irresponsible...other times it's because they are scamming the system.
I live very close to "the poorest community in America" (GOOGLE it) and the entire community SCAMS the system by the woman claiming to be single with many children. The scam is that they aren't married in the eyes of the state but are in the eyes of their 'leadership' (Can't mention religion). The politicians allow this because the community vote in a block (as ordered by their leaders)….they are the 'poorest community in America' but are buying every piece of available property to enlarge their ghetto.

 

[Shannow]

Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
Originally Posted By: Shannow
Its a situation that has been intentionally created.

Will go into it further later...or via PM


I doubt there is a government conspiracy to create a certain ‘situation’ to hold people back.


The destruction of the extended family, and then onto the nuclear family.
The pushing of kids into childcare, and the elderly into homes.

Is all great from the moneygoround and consumption (aka GDP)...it's not been a side effect of affluence.

 

[MCompact]

One child was perfect for us; I still enjoyed my my automotive pursuits, although I did put HPDE instructing on hold until my son was old enough to accompany me. We were able to provide him with an excellent education and many enjoyable experiences. So while I'm glad we decided to become parents, I would not have wanted 3-4 kids, winding up stuck in minivan perdition. That said, if that's what other people like, it's their life...

 

[exranger06]

Originally Posted By: Nick1994
Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
Escalade is better in crash testing so its safer to transport the kids.
Sorry but that’s kind of stupid.

Also, so what’s wrong with a Tahoe then?

4wd was a requirement, so most minivans were out. Also the wife hates minivans. We weren't opposed to a Tahoe or similar vehicle (we almost bought an Expedition but someone else bought it out from under us) but we found the Escalade used for the same price as Expeditions and Tahoes. Do you need any further justification?

 

[Silk]

Wow, what an attitude we have here...I appear to be the complete oppostie of the norm on BITOG...and do live on the opposite side of the world. We have 4 kids, all born at home, all educated at home, all on a single income. I don't have a flash car or home, and don't have a retirement to look forward to...but I think I have something much, much more satisfying.

 

[28oz]

Originally Posted By: Al
Originally Posted By: 28oz
Originally Posted By: Al
Originally Posted By: 28oz
It's hard to see that since I grew up poor and had to fight for every scrap I've ever had. Just my experience. YMMV, of course.

But you did it to yourself so don't complain.



Did what to myself? Grow up poor? Not sure what you mean.

Forgive me I read it wrong. I thought you were complaining bc others have more than you bc you have 4 kids.

No worries, friend.

 

[28oz]

Originally Posted By: pbm
Originally Posted By: 28oz
Originally Posted By: pbm
Sadly, the only people having large families anymore are those on 'public assistance'.....which doesn't bode well for our future, IMO....


I disagree. I'm not on public assistance and many would think my family of 6 is "large". I know many families that are even larger and not on assistance. I also know many single people who ARE on assistance. It generally comes down to decisions and choices as previously stated.



I commend you for having a large family and taking responsibility for them....sometimes people go on 'public assistance' because of no fault of their own...other times it's because they are irresponsible...other times it's because they are scamming the system.
I live very close to "the poorest community in America" (GOOGLE it) and the entire community SCAMS the system by the woman claiming to be single with many children. The scam is that they aren't married in the eyes of the state but are in the eyes of their 'leadership' (Can't mention religion). The politicians allow this because the community vote in a block (as ordered by their leaders)….they are the 'poorest community in America' but are buying every piece of available property to enlarge their ghetto.




Thanks, I know what you're talking about. Fringe lunatics in every persuasion who game the system.

 

[ls1mike]

It is very much a personal choice.
I certainly won't judge anyone for have some or having none.

My wife is one of 11. Yes 11. 9 girls 2 boys all their names start with D. You can imagine I drink during the holidays and family events...

My wife was the second one born. Her father's family had money so they could support 11 kids. I could not and would not want to.

We have two kids 12 and 10. We both work. I would have been ok having some or having none. Having said that I love my kids and couldn't imagine my life without them.

They can be pricey, My boy has expensive hobbies(remote control cars, planes and dirt bikes) I am ok with it because he is not watching TV or playing computer games. I suppose I am an enabler when it comes to that stuff. Oh well.

We adopted our daughter out of foster care. Dad was in prison, mom died of MS and the family didn't want her and couldn't afford her. It has been a different experience and there are lots of little kids out there who need a home/love. As some of you know we make sure she stays in touch with her sister who is 24 and we help her as much as possible.

I certainly get some weird, even just plain wrong questions about Dashia, but I have thick skin(Unless you think you know about 4th gen F-bodies, because you don't

) and usually have a pretty good retort. Adoption or foster care is not for everyone but it can be very rewarding and very eye opening as to the piles of sh*t on this planet. Different story for a different time. Dashia has been a bit of challenge. Worst thing I have had to deal with is someone calling her the N word on the bus and she was is a bit developmentally delayed, but at 10 she has just about caught up.

I guess what I am saying is if you want kids you can always look into foster care. There are kids out there who need you.

 

[wtd]

I have two kids but would have been fine without any. If I would have know that we would get divorced when the kids were 7 & 9 years old, I would have never had kids.

Talk about expensive and being broke, paying child support, paying for their health and dental care, paying half of all non-covered medical and dental bills, and then only getting to see the kids about 95% of the time. Totally not worth it.

Kids can be a blessing or a curse depending on how they turn out. In my profession, I got to see the ones who didn't turn out well.

 

[JTK]

Originally Posted By: 28oz
I'm in my 40's and we have 4 kids. Two of them have medical conditions that require very expensive monthly medications. My [censored] and MBA degrees are less than 10 years old. I worked full time while doing my schooling and didn't get home until after 10 pm many nights. My wife hasn't worked since before our first child was born (16 years ago). We agreed from the outset that we would keep our living expenses within one income. It's been very hard at times, but has been very doable if priorities are in the right place. No grandparents around to watch the kids and certainly no "child-care". Only debt we carry is the mortgage. Student loans have been long paid off. Yes, many of my neighbors are very young, have nice new cars, campers, boats, and other toys, and have parents/in-laws who dump money on them. It's hard to see that since I grew up poor and had to fight for every scrap I've ever had. Just my experience. YMMV, of course.

Edit: Abbreviation for Bachelor Degree is censored. Ha!


Similar situation for my wife and I. We're in our late 40s, with 4 kids ranging from 7 to 16. My wife hasn't worked a paycheck job in years because of the kid's needs, but does do some elder and child care work from time to time. I earned my bachelor's later on, around age 30. My wife never had a chance to go beyond her associates degree.

IMO, having more than 2 kids is stressful in every way possible. I'm fortunate to have had a good job that I enjoy. We do have to watch every penny and could live normally for about 3 days if anything happened to my income LOL. I knew the job was dangerous when I took it.

OTOH, most of our family and friends have 2 kids and 2 incomes. They have a lot more stuff and leisure time ability. I'm assuming their financial situation is more solid too, but you never know on that.

I don't think I know anyone who has chosen to have no kids because of financial burden, etc.. I do know plenty who would have loved to have them but can't/couldn't.

 

[Andrew1972]

I have 3 (12, 10, and 4 girls).

I wish it was easier to afford a trip with flights etc but otherwise we ski all winter cheap as possible and kids spend summer 3 days per week at grandmothers ocean front home. No complaints.

We live in most desirable area($$$ too) of our state which happens also to be lowest crime one in nation. No complaints there.

 

[Al]

Originally Posted By: wtd
I have two kids but would have been fine without any. If I would have know that we would get divorced when the kids were 7 & 9 years old, I would have never had kids.

The reality is that between 1/3 and 1/2 of marriages end up like yours (kids involved).50 years ago things were so different. When I see a woman shopping dragging 4 little munchkins...I sometimes wonder....

 

[billt460]

Originally Posted By: Al
The reality is that between 1/3 and 1/2 of marriages end up like yours (kids involved). 50 years ago things were so different.


Yes they were. I'm an only child. When my parents divorced I was just starting the 6th grade. In the school I attended there were 2, 6th grade classes of 35+ kids each, I was the only one who came from a divorced family. I literally had kids asking me what did I mean when I told them my parents were divorced. They didn't have a clue.

Today I'm willing to bet half or more come from either divorced homes, or else Brady Bunch families.

 

[Mr Nice]

Originally Posted By: madRiver
I have 3 (12, 10, and 4 girls).

I wish it was easier to afford a trip with flights etc but otherwise we ski all winter cheap as possible and kids spend summer 3 days per week at grandmothers ocean front home. No complaints.

We live in most desirable area($$$ too) of our state which happens also to be lowest crime one in nation. No complaints there.


The reason why things are so good.... because you and your wife are educated with good careers.

The same can't be said for people with 3 kids and working low paid jobs or not working at all.

Its all about smart personal decisions in life that make things easier down the road. The American Dream is still alive if you put some effort in life.

 

[wtd]

Originally Posted By: Al
Originally Posted By: wtd
I have two kids but would have been fine without any. If I would have know that we would get divorced when the kids were 7 & 9 years old, I would have never had kids.

The reality is that between 1/3 and 1/2 of marriages end up like yours (kids involved).50 years ago things were so different. When I see a woman shopping dragging 4 little munchkins...I sometimes wonder....



Both my ex-wife and I came from divorced families and I tried to make mine work way longer than I should have because I didn't want to end up like my parents but sometimes things in a marriage just can't be fixed. If I could go back in time, I probably would skip the marriage part as well.