Don't like your daughters friends
- Thread starter danez_yoda
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I am 67. Though I've been comfortable for most of my life and have never really suffered, this is NOT the world I hoped I would live in when I was young...not even close. I've been thankful every day of my life that I've never married or had children. I have been treated like a pariah because of these views and I'm not happy about that but it is what it is. Be honest with your child and do what you feel is right. It won't be perfect...but nothing ever is.
I've got a 23 yo daughter who has been through trials and tribulations trying to find friends, find her place and figure out who is compatible with her, her style, personality, etc., combined with her father staying on her about "you are who you run around with".
I do feel the parents of young people have some real responsibility to shape their children's ideology, their thoughts, etc. This is not wrong, This is instilling values in your kids, values that you want your kids to have. You want them to be a free spirit and roam unfettered? That's exactly what you will get. You want them to have structure in their lives, you want them to succeed, you want them to live as good/better than you? You need to work on it.
I do feel the parents of young people have some real responsibility to shape their children's ideology, their thoughts, etc. This is not wrong, This is instilling values in your kids, values that you want your kids to have. You want them to be a free spirit and roam unfettered? That's exactly what you will get. You want them to have structure in their lives, you want them to succeed, you want them to live as good/better than you? You need to work on it.
Goth girls usually grow out of it by college age, you don't see too many goth middle age women or goth old ladies around do you? They have been around since what? 80s? 90s? The world hasn't ended yet, so just chill.
Kids being kids, yelling and screaming off their lungs are normal. Drugs would be a concern but these days you can't tell just by how they dress.
Kids being kids, yelling and screaming off their lungs are normal. Drugs would be a concern but these days you can't tell just by how they dress.
My first thought was an album by Van Halen.
In ~ 1975 My daughter, whose was freshman in college was being bothered by an obnoxious jerk. She was continually pestered by this long-haired freak with nose rings eyebrow rings etc. She became afraid of him and stayed in her dorm instead of going to class. The University said they could do nothing. I drove two hour and had a serious talk with this jerk. This smart a.s person would not listen so I told him I would tie a concrete block on him and dump him off the Lake Michigan pier. Never an issue after that. Brings back old memories. )
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That's a good start.My daughter and I have a good relationship and she assures me they are the straight laced girls at the school. They frown on all of that stuff. looking at that group, the seem quite childish (like 6 year olds) not mischievous. One was carying a teddybear.
But honestly, she could also just be telling you that to keep you from getting involved in her choices/decisions.
At the end of the day, kids will do whatever they want.
We can all try our best to guide them to making the best/correct choices, but ultimately the choice falls on them.
It's our job to love 'em regardless of what they've done or will do.
I wouldn't worry excessively about it. Kids that age, whether they admit it or not, want attention. Add in the group atmosphere and there will be some over-the-top goofiness. Dressing or acting weird is sometimes their only way of standing out.
The ones you have to worry about hide it much better.
The ones you have to worry about hide it much better.
This. You really have no idea.
Very, very true.
When I was a senior in high school (in '88, ugh) I became friends with a small group of sophomore girls. They called me 'Dad' if that gives you an idea of what our dynamic was like. They were all nice and cute and normal and appreciated that I looked out for them. But once I got to know them better, I was blown away at the stuff they did, the drinking, the sex, the risks they took meeting older guys from other schools, guys in the city, etc. I got a real education one night as one of them drunkenly told me about their sordid adventures. I realized they were going to do whatever they wanted anyway and I stopped trying to be a good influence on them. They made it out of high school in once piece so maybe it wasn't a total waste of time.
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It's hard to answer the OP's question directly but this ^^^^^ kinda sums it up, they will grow out of it.
I still want to take my kids on a prison tour...lol.
I bet I drove my parents crazy with them not knowing who I was hanging out with even though none of my friends did anything off the wall.
For the ones who went to school before the internet, can you imagine growing up with social media in school? Pics and videos being sent around the world in an instant? Immediate global shaming. These kids live in a COMPLETELY different world than most parents in regards to going to school.
I absolutely FORBID my kids from any form of social media, Instagram, Snapchat, Tik Tok, FB, Twitter, you name it. They have their phones for calling and texting. They are young teens now and I can see how the peer pressure of this day and age affects them slightly.
The dopamine hits are real and lasting, sculpting if you will.
I STRONGLY urge parents and their kids to watch the documentary "The Social Dillema" on Netflix. This is a very powerful awakening for parents.
Shame that it's done for ad revenue...pretty much nothing else, at the expense of our kids' minds.
There's a good line in that documentary, that....we were not evolved to have to worry about what 10,000 people think about us or what we do...except that's what social media does to kids.
I follow this guy who speaks very well and has great content. Not a plug, but if you want the low down on that documentary, take a little bit and watch this. It won't spoil the entire show, but should open your eyes to the issue.
It even polarizes adults who are unaware of the pitfalls.
I promise it's worth the time to watch.
Enjoy.
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Yea they do. I cant wait for my daughter to be a teen, there goes the rest of my hair.
Put limits on it. When our kids were in HS, we never let them drive with their friends. We allowed them to drive with a limit of 3 in the car. I feel for 'ya. Goood luck.
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True, they all might have a whole vape shop worth of stuff in their rooms. Before my sister went to college I cleared out her room to shampoo the carpet upstairs, didn't tell my parents though.
This. My kids will be outright banned from any form of social media until they're 18. Once they're out of my house, they can do what they want. But in my house, I will not let the literal physical structure and chemical makeup of their brains be tampered with by Zuckerberg's algorithm. It's a HARD no in my future home with kids. Social media has destroyed this world.
I too have a teenage daughter. I taught her to have a good heart, not to judge a based on appearance, and to surround herself with people whose actions show they truly care about her well-being. So far, her judgement has been solid. She has stepped away from friends that didn't meet her expectations. I never had to nor tried to choose her friends for her.
I don‘t think you have anything to worry about unless she starts dating a 25 year old guy named Bubba with a Harley Davidson, covered with tattoos and was released early from state prison for good behavior.
I just met a about 10 of my 16 year old daughters friends. I was taken aback at the variety of personalities. two or three goth girls, crazy punk rocker hair due (this one greeted me with a straw stuck in her nose), the shy one hiding behind the big one with a straw in her nose, a crazy one that screamed at the top of her lungs then giggles and the echo. Good gracious. There were yapping about crazy stuff like I want to eat your unborn child. :O WTH?!?!
My daughter is a little hyper (I am an old dude on an oil site so I have prospective) and she was the most "normal" one in the group. It was like a bunch of cartoon characters on one of the modern channels. absolutely bizonkers.
Not sure what to do, let her stay with them and either grow away from them or let her become part of that clique.
On a positive note, none of the girls smoke, vape, drink, drug or sleep around. Those are all big ticket items.
Any of you guy have the same issue?
Are they achievers?
Do they know they have to work for things in life?
Or are they lazy asses?
Do they know they have to work for things in life?
Or are they lazy asses?
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