Don't like your daughters friends

[danez_yoda]

I just met a about 10 of my 16 year old daughters friends. I was taken aback at the variety of personalities. two or three goth girls, crazy punk rocker hair due (this one greeted me with a straw stuck in her nose), the shy one hiding behind the big one with a straw in her nose, a crazy one that screamed at the top of her lungs then giggles and the echo. Good gracious. There were yapping about crazy stuff like I want to eat your unborn child. :O WTH?!?!

My daughter is a little hyper (I am an old dude on an oil site so I have prospective) and she was the most "normal" one in the group. It was like a bunch of cartoon characters on one of the modern channels. absolutely bizonkers.

Not sure what to do, let her stay with them and either grow away from them or let her become part of that clique. Some would say "as long as she is happy" but I feel like my duty as a parent is the do something. maybe I should sell the house and move.

On a positive note, none of the girls smoke, vape, drink, drug or sleep around. Those are all big ticket items.

Any of you guy have the same issue?

 

[FowVay]

Help your daughter to encourage high self esteem and self respect. As a parent all that can be done is to teach our children right from wrong and how to conduct themselves in a respectful manner. I personally preached humbleness and humility to my children. At the end of the day they're going to grow to be adults in their own world. Teach your children good moral principles and then turn them loose and never, EVER turn your back on them for their actions.

 

[MolaKule]

I just met a about 10 of my 16 year old daughters friends. I was taken aback at the variety of personalities. two or three goth girls, crazy punk rocker hair due (this one greeted me with a straw stuck in her nose), the shy one hiding behind the big one with a straw in her nose, a crazy one that screamed at the top of her lungs then giggles and the echo. Good gracious. There were yapping about crazy stuff like I want to eat your unborn child. :O WTH?!?!

My daughter is a little hyper (I am an old dude on an oil site so I have prospective) and she was the most "normal" one in the group. It was like a bunch of cartoon characters on one of the modern channels. absolutely bizonkers.

I'll have to remember to use that phrase

Not sure what to do, let her stay with them and either grow away from them or let her become part of that clique. Some would say "as long as she is happy" but I feel like my duty as a parent is the do something. maybe I should sell the house and move.

On a positive note, none of the girls smoke, vape, drink, drug or sleep around. Those are all big ticket items.

That's good. I think in time she may veer away from those who act out-of-bounds or who do not share her interests.

But yes, IMHO as a parent you must set bounds with rules.

I have found the best way to understand the daughter's friends is to talk with them, get to know them, and determine their interests, such as rock groups, movies, etc., and then google this stuff.

 

[ekrampitzjr]

On a positive note, none of the girls smoke, vape, drink, drug or sleep around. Those are all big ticket items.

Are you sure? How do you know? Serious question. Teen girls are real good at hiding behavior adults frown on.

 

[WylieCoyote]

"none of the girls smoke, vape, drink, drug or sleep around"

Out of curiosity, where did this information come from? The reason I ask is, odds are, in a group of girls that large, this is not likely to be true, even if they look you right in the face and testify to it.

On the upside, nothing in that list necessarily makes someone a bad person. It depends a lot on the frequency and intensity of any of these events. Peer pressure is a huge thing now that social media occupies all of their lives. Just listen to their testimony of virtue with slightly skeptical ears, because more than a few friends' teenagers have turned out to have some skeletons in their closets when all was revealed. My nephew is held and very high regard by his parents and grandparents, especially now that he's grown and successful, but I have watched him lie right to their faces when he was a teenager.. Teenagers do that to get what they want, just keep that in the back of your mind.

I have found that these weird things the kids get involved with are eventually pushed aside once they get self-esteem and realize that they don't have to work so hard to make people find them fascinating. I wouldn't worry about your kid adopting all of this weirdness as lifelong traits, although they may very well experiment with it. Just don't abstain from putting your foot down in order to remain friends with your kid, because that's not why you're there.

 

[RooflessVW]

Her friends sound like my friends, past and present.

And now we're all college educated, gainfully employed, and we have kids of our own. Tattoos, colored hair, piercings, and all.

Let the kids be weird and have fun. They're not hurting themselves or anyone else.

 

[JeffKeryk]

Wow, heavy stuff. I would try and make friends with all of them, take them places. Ask about school. I emphasize school to all the younger people I know because it played a key role in saving my life.
Good luck.

 

[c502cid]

I had the same deal with my daughters oh about 10-12 years ago. Same group, same styles....I was told by other parents to watch out for ..... she's a bad one. It turns out the bad one was the best of the bunch, and some of the ones I thought were the best turned out the worst. My point is if you have taught your daughter values, they will use them now more than ever as they try to shape their present and future. Yes, I'd keep with curfews and limits, but be respectful to her and them, and you'll see how much you really think you know.

 

[Leo99]

I had the same deal with my daughters oh about 10-12 years ago. Same group, same styles....I was told by other parents to watch out for ..... she's a bad one. It turns out the bad one was the best of the bunch, and some of the ones I thought were the best turned out the worst. My point is if you have taught your daughter values, they will use them now more than ever as they try to shape their present and future. Yes, I'd keep with curfews and limits, but be respectful to her and them, and you'll see how much you really think you know.

My daughter was the bad one of her group and dropped out of high school. Now, she's the only one with a college degree and gainfully employed and no kids and no drug issues.

 

[Chris142]

My little cousin who was my best buddy for years got herself into a huge pickle with a boy a couple years older than her. So far he has had the cops called on him,then put into a rubber room as a 5150 and the list goes on.

Toothpicks in noses or purple hair is nuthin compared to this guy.

 

[billt460]

I just met a about 10 of my 16 year old daughters friends. I was taken aback at the variety of personalities. two or three goth girls, crazy punk rocker hair due (this one greeted me with a straw stuck in her nose), the shy one hiding behind the big one with a straw in her nose, a crazy one that screamed at the top of her lungs then giggles and the echo. Good gracious. There were yapping about crazy stuff like I want to eat your unborn child. :O WTH?!?!

My daughter is a little hyper (I am an old dude on an oil site so I have prospective) and she was the most "normal" one in the group. It was like a bunch of cartoon characters on one of the modern channels. absolutely bizonkers.

Not sure what to do, let her stay with them and either grow away from them or let her become part of that clique. Some would say "as long as she is happy" but I feel like my duty as a parent is the do something. maybe I should sell the house and move.

On a positive note, none of the girls smoke, vape, drink, drug or sleep around. Those are all big ticket items.

Any of you guy have the same issue?

Stories like this make me glad I never had children... I don't think I would cope too well.

 

[Andrew1972]

Keep your communication open with her and let her know whatever she does if she needs you call you get her without question or judgement.

I have a 16 year old daughter who likes to have too much fun. We do our best to keep open communication.

 

[BMWTurboDzl]

Hormones combined with bat$h!t craziness. God help you.

 

[billt460]

My little cousin who was my best buddy for years got herself into a huge pickle with a boy a couple years older than her. So far he has had the cops called on him,then put into a rubber room as a 5150 and the list goes on.

Toothpicks in noses or purple hair is nuthin compared to this guy.

OK, I'll bite... What is a "5150"??

 

[ecotourist]

I suspect if you keep the communication open it will all work out. You can't choose the friends for your kids anyway.

 

[WylieCoyote]

OK, I'll bite... What is a "5150"??

Emergency commitment to a facility to keep you from harming yourself.

 

[DuckRyder]

It could be worse.

 

[danez_yoda]

Are you sure? How do you know? Serious question. Teen girls are real good at hiding behavior adults frown on.

My daughter and I have a good relationship and she assures me they are the straight laced girls at the school. They frown on all of that stuff. looking at that group, the seem quite childish (like 6 year olds) not mischievous. One was carying a teddybear. . Through the years I got pretty good at spotting the signs folks that did that. none of these girls gave off that vibe.

 

[Passport1]

Having and raising children is difficult. Do the best you can and don't second guess your efforts if they don't get the desired results.

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

Mark Twain

 

[HyundaiAbuser]

As someone who is not far detached from that era (I'm 22) there's not a whole lot you can do. She is 16 and anticipating freedom to where any restriction you may try to place could just as easily backfire. If they don't drink, vape, smoke, sleep around or cause drama her friends are doing better than 99% of those out there. Punk rock and emo is on the milder end of edgy now a days and I'm sure each of their personalities are different. Also if her friends like and respect you, they're more likely to keep her out of trouble. Talk to them and make sure they know you are there to be a positive figure and help whenever possible. The very worst thing you could do is give them reason to spite you.