Did I go too far?

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I was helping to organize a charity event today, and part of my role was to check IDs and tick people off a list (event was taking place at an embassy, so people coming had to be registered and present a valid ID). We had a couple of people doing this in pairs, and everything was organized by family name in alphabetical order. All was well, until I had to check my ex’s ID. Never seen or expected her on the list, otherwise I would I have made sure I wasn’t responsible for the list with her name on it.

Long story short, I broke it off with her roughly 2 year ago after discovering I was being cheated on. She kept claiming she had family problems and we weren’t seeing each other as much. I wasn’t exactly devoting much time to her either, due to personal issues I was facing at the time. But that isn’t an excuse to cheat nevertheless.

Anyway, the guy she was dating was a freshman in the police force and kept on harassing me after finding out who I was. Needless to say, it wasn’t pretty when I found out what was happening behind the scenes, and I haven’t spoken to her since.

Fast forward to today, and she shows up right in my face with a great big smile, tries to shake my hand and asks how I’m doing. I then turn around to the girl who was helping me and go “Can you check this lady in for me please, whilst I help this gentleman here, thanks!” I then take the ID off the guy behind her and proceed to check him in. So she sort of had no choice but to check her in, although it was kind of an awkward moment, because I had people looking at me rather strangely. But I felt sick to my stomach and ticked off at the same time.

Maybe I am being hard headed, but I hate it when people are two faced…especially in a relationship where honesty is so important. And just playing it off as if nothing happened, two wrongs don’t make a right.
mad.gif
It’s also kind of late to apologize, but it’s never too late to realize one’s mistake and learn from it.
 
I guess you handled it OK. I probably would have given a half-lousy smile and shook hand and said OK, nothing more, then if they tried to make smalltalk asked them to move along as I need to keep the line flowing. Id then have just avoided them like the plague.

I dont think there was anything bad or wrong about how you did it... Its just that you handling it that way would indicate to the ex that you do care, that it still bothers you, and that youre not over it. I'd want them to know that I care so little about them that I dont even care to make smaltalk, so they should move through my line - no treatment of any sort.

Anyone can overanalyze these things as much as they care to, and in the end will have never dealt the absolute most optimal way... I think what you did was fine, and a good approach.
 
I think you handled it very well considering that you were caught off guard.
Dishonest people suck...and unfortunately they are quite plentiful.
 
Originally Posted By: JHZR2
I guess you handled it OK. I probably would have given a half-lousy smile and shook hand and said OK, nothing more, then if they tried to make smalltalk asked them to move along as I need to keep the line flowing. Id then have just avoided them like the plague.

I dont think there was anything bad or wrong about how you did it... Its just that you handling it that way would indicate to the ex that you do care, that it still bothers you, and that youre not over it. I'd want them to know that I care so little about them that I dont even care to make smaltalk, so they should move through my line - no treatment of any sort.



I agree except I would have went one further and said "Your name please?" When she answered say something like "Gosh didn't remember you."
smile.gif
 
Hey...do not beat yourself up, you did it right. Hindsight is always 20/20, and you think of all of the ways you could have handled the situation "better", but you handled it as best anyone could have. Give no apologies, have no regrets, you did well!
 
IMHO you handled it very well.
cool.gif
You made the decision that you didn't feel right about chatting with her and there's not a thing wrong with that in my book. You don't have to ever speak to her again if that's what you choose. I can't say that I would ever want to, if it were me. I agree that her cheating was unnecessary and possibly inexcusable.
 
Originally Posted By: oldmaninsc
Originally Posted By: JHZR2
I guess you handled it OK. I probably would have given a half-lousy smile and shook hand and said OK, nothing more, then if they tried to make smalltalk asked them to move along as I need to keep the line flowing. Id then have just avoided them like the plague.

I dont think there was anything bad or wrong about how you did it... Its just that you handling it that way would indicate to the ex that you do care, that it still bothers you, and that youre not over it. I'd want them to know that I care so little about them that I dont even care to make smaltalk, so they should move through my line - no treatment of any sort.
I agree except I would have went one further and said "Your name please?" When she answered say something like "Gosh didn't remember you."
smile.gif


ROFL! I love this whole plan of action.
 
It's old history and there's no reason to carry a grudge. Let the past stay in the past.

In my opinion, you acted childish and impolite. Even though you've had your differences with the person in the past it's no reason to to act the way you did.

It looks like she got over it but you still carry a grudge, enough so that you couldn't face her and then had to post about it on a discussion forum.
 
Originally Posted By: Pop_Rivit
It's old history and there's no reason to carry a grudge. Let the past stay in the past.

In my opinion, you acted childish and impolite. Even though you've had your differences with the person in the past it's no reason to to act the way you did.

It looks like she got over it but you still carry a grudge, enough so that you couldn't face her and then had to post about it on a discussion forum.


For dealing with someone who betrayed you, I think you acted well. What was childish was for her to cheat and lie to you.

I really have no place for folks like that in my life, and I think I would have done the same, let someone else deal with her.

Life is too short to be subjected to the liars and cheaters who want to act like nothing happened. This woman did something very hurtful to you, and for her to expect that you would be all unicorns and rainbows demonstrates that she's the selfish, childish one, not you.
 
Originally Posted By: javacontour
Originally Posted By: Pop_Rivit
It's old history and there's no reason to carry a grudge. Let the past stay in the past.

In my opinion, you acted childish and impolite. Even though you've had your differences with the person in the past it's no reason to to act the way you did.

It looks like she got over it but you still carry a grudge, enough so that you couldn't face her and then had to post about it on a discussion forum.


For dealing with someone who betrayed you, I think you acted well. What was childish was for her to cheat and lie to you.

I really have no place for folks like that in my life, and I think I would have done the same, let someone else deal with her.

Life is too short to be subjected to the liars and cheaters who want to act like nothing happened. This woman did something very hurtful to you, and for her to expect that you would be all unicorns and rainbows demonstrates that she's the selfish, childish one, not you.



Agreed. Not a fan of drama myself...
 
I have to agree with Pop_Rivet. It's past history and it will improve your life to forgive what she has done to you so you can move on.
 
Quote:
It's old history and there's no reason to carry a grudge. Let the past stay in the past.


Yes, it's history, but once a cheater, always a cheater. If she cheated once, good chance she'd do it again. Some people are always keeping an eye out for a better deal, and if it appears, they are gone. Maybe the man she cheated with dumped her or cheated on her, so she thought she could go back to her ex with no questions asked.

I'm glad to see that he didn't cave in to her. She doesn't sound worth it to me. Cool deal Falcon _LS.
cool.gif
 
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