Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Don't pay her.
A fellow accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose and discovered that he
had no ill effects. Apparently he was ambidextrose.
"A bloke walks into a pub, and asks for a pint of
Adenosinetriphosphate.The barman says "That'll be 80p (ATP) please!"
Some genetic researchers were studying Acinonyx jubatus to find out
why he had a high abnormal sperm count. They gave a group of these
animals a histocompatibility (tissue-type) test."This is singular,"
observed one to the other. "Every one of these cats gave the same
answers." "Aw," drawled the other, "they're all a bunch of cheetahs
Did you hear about the biologist who had twins? She baptized one and
kept the other as a control.
Q: What tool is used to measure a hole in the head?
A: A Phineas gage.
Q: How do you eat DNA-spaghetti?
A: With a replication fork.
stereochemistry........having the correct speakers for your CD player
free radical...........a political movement
propane................sadomasochistic tendencies
grignard...............a three foot mile
periodic acid..........sometimes it is and sometimes it ain't
biotin.................how much coffee you purchase
prostate...............when you want FSU to beat U.Florida in football
helminth...............what the hockeyplayers wear on their heads, thilly
IL-2...................me also
homology...............the study of real estate
membrane...............the opposite of forgettin'
synapse................what you have after horizontal recreation
phorbol................why the batter took first base
Q: How do you call a positively charged *****-cat?
A: A CATion
Q: What is the only thing worse than a mecium?
A: A Paramecium
Q: As what did the antibody go to the Halloween costume party?
A: As an "immunogobulin"
Q: What did the male stamen say to the female pistil?
A: I like your "style"
What did one thermophilic bacteria say to another?
"I think you are really hot."
What did the Smooth Endoplasmic Reticulum say the the Rough Endoplasmic
Reticulum?
Answer:
Is that Ribosome on you or are you happy to see me?
THE HARVARD LAW
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature,
volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it ****
well pleases.
There was this biologist who was doing some experiments with frogs. He
was measuring just how far frogs could jump. So he puts a frog on a line
and says "Jump frog, jump!". The frog jumps 2 feet. He writes in his
lab book: 'Frog with 4 legs - jumps 2 feet'.
Next he chops off one of the legs and repeats the experiment. "Jump frog
jump!" he says. The frog manages to jump 1.5 feet. So he writes in his
lab book: 'Frog with 3 legs - jumps 1.5 feet'.
He chops off another and the frog only jumps 1 foot. He writes in his
book: 'Frog with 2 legs jumps 1 foot'.
He continues and removes yet another leg. " Jump frog jump!" and the
frog somehow jumps a half of a foot. So he writes in his lab book again:
'Frog with one leg - jumps 0.5 feet'.
Finally he chops off the last leg. He puts the frog on the line and
teels it to jump. "Jump frog, jump!". The frog doesn't move. "Jump
frog, jump!!!". Again the frog stays on the line. "Come on frog,
jump!". But to no avail.
The biologist finally writes in his book: 'Frog with no legs - goes deaf'
A friend of mine studying medicine once told me this story.
Apparently one day there was a lab where all the students were
learning how to identify various cells. As samples they were
using tissue scraped from the inside of the mouth.
One girl was having terrible difficulties figuring out what kind of cell
she was seeing under her microscope--eventually she called over the
teaching assistant to identify it.
He came over, smirked, and exclaimed, loud enough for everyone to hear,
"Oh wow! That's a sperm cell!"
She was somewhat more careful after that experience....
Biology Humor
- Thread starter schwartr88
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quote:Groan... I actually got that one...
Originally posted by schwartr88: A fellow accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose and discovered that he had no ill effects. Apparently he was ambidextrose.
quote:That's as close to understanding any of them as I got too.
Originally posted by Vilan:quote:Groan... I actually got that one...
Originally posted by schwartr88: A fellow accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose and discovered that he had no ill effects. Apparently he was ambidextrose.
What is Avagadro's number of avacadoes?
A guacamole.
How do you make a hormone....a whore moan. By not paying her, I guess they are not funny if you have to explain them. I tried.
No, no, I got that one too. In fact I thought of that double entendre long long ago. ![[Smile]](images/icons/smile.gif)
But as a chemist, a lot of it just whooshes overhead...
But as a chemist, a lot of it just whooshes overhead...If thems jokes fer smart folk,,, mighty glad tuh be dumb!
Bob
schwartr88,
I liked them...
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