I am at an age where some of my friends are getting married, and I am being invited to their wedding. If the bride/groom are requesting a cash gift, what is an appropriate cash gift to give?
Thanks.
Thanks.
Appropriate Cash Gift for Weddings
- Thread starter The Critic
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you can give as much as you like, and it depends just as much as what you feel comfortable giving. but a rule of thumb tends to be how much you think the event will be per head.
so typically with a nice meal and open bar and a nice venue you're looking at a minimum of 100 to 200 per person.
A twist on this is but how much you feel such an event is worth to you (not necessarily what they spent on you). overall you need to feel happy and OK with what you give and not have a grudge about it.
Ultimately you need to feel that the couple wants you to be there to have fun with them, and this is not just a business transaction where you need to calculate out value and who came out ahead.
so typically with a nice meal and open bar and a nice venue you're looking at a minimum of 100 to 200 per person.
A twist on this is but how much you feel such an event is worth to you (not necessarily what they spent on you). overall you need to feel happy and OK with what you give and not have a grudge about it.
Ultimately you need to feel that the couple wants you to be there to have fun with them, and this is not just a business transaction where you need to calculate out value and who came out ahead.
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Depends on your relationship with the person ...
Basically it boils down to what you can afford to give.
JHZR2
Staff member
IIRC, depending on the relationship/how well you know the person, $50-75/person is customary, somewhat depending on if it is from one person or a couple.
I wouldn't go lower than $100, especially in $$$ California. If you were going to a low cost area of the south or Midwest you could go on the lower end, even if a couple. In CA, unless you had to travel far and incur a lot of cost, or something like that, Id consider $150 appropriate for all but th most distant coworker.
Of course the closer the people and the greater your means,,, the sky is the limit!
I wouldn't go lower than $100, especially in $$$ California. If you were going to a low cost area of the south or Midwest you could go on the lower end, even if a couple. In CA, unless you had to travel far and incur a lot of cost, or something like that, Id consider $150 appropriate for all but th most distant coworker.
Of course the closer the people and the greater your means,,, the sky is the limit!
I would say between $100 and $200. Depends upon relationship.
Italians are rumored to come to wedding with cash in an unsealed card. If the meal was not so good, they pull some money from the card before giving it to the couple.
Italians are rumored to come to wedding with cash in an unsealed card. If the meal was not so good, they pull some money from the card before giving it to the couple.
Originally Posted By: Donald
Italians are rumored to come to wedding with cash in an unsealed card. If the meal was not so good, they pull some money from the card before giving it to the couple.
Hardly, have you ever heard of a bad meal at an Italian wedding?
I have been to many, and all were .... awesome.
Italians are rumored to come to wedding with cash in an unsealed card. If the meal was not so good, they pull some money from the card before giving it to the couple.
Hardly, have you ever heard of a bad meal at an Italian wedding?
I have been to many, and all were .... awesome.
Originally Posted By: Danno
Donald said:
It should be at the very minimum the cost of hosting you and your partner (if attending with one). It usually means about $100 per person in most metropolitan areas.
By the way it is fully acceptable these days to give a check unless there are specific traditions for hard cash that you follow. You may make it out to just one individual to assist with them depositing the check for practicality over any etiquette.
At weddings sometimes security is not like the scene from Goodfellas. if they aren't expecting cash, checks prevent heartache. It is also easier with checks for the couple to be able to track back later who gave what so they can properly write thank you notes.
At a recent Asian wedding where cash is traditional, to keep it secure the wedding party had 2 aunties tske all the envelopes at the front table, then keep a ledger of who gave what for accounting and thankyou cards. It made it so transactional like walking to a bank teller.
but I could understand they needed to do this so they could secure all the money to a safe for the duration of the wedding.
Don't expect to be handing the couple your crisp Benjamins and then opening and reading your card right there. All the money just turns into a pile of money.
At weddings sometimes security is not like the scene from Goodfellas. if they aren't expecting cash, checks prevent heartache. It is also easier with checks for the couple to be able to track back later who gave what so they can properly write thank you notes.
At a recent Asian wedding where cash is traditional, to keep it secure the wedding party had 2 aunties tske all the envelopes at the front table, then keep a ledger of who gave what for accounting and thankyou cards. It made it so transactional like walking to a bank teller.
but I could understand they needed to do this so they could secure all the money to a safe for the duration of the wedding.
Don't expect to be handing the couple your crisp Benjamins and then opening and reading your card right there. All the money just turns into a pile of money.
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having just had a wedding I got multiple gifts of $25.00. I was happy to get it. Give what you can.
$00.00 Probably be divorced in five years or less.
^^ Funny you said that^^ A friend's son married a mad woman. And of course, everyone extended some of the same assessment of character to the lad.
I even told an old cousin of his that "they wouldn't last two years". I always got along with her and she didn't disagree.
Anyway, I had a beautiful Hudson's Bay blanket to give them but decided not to because, frankly, it was too good a gift for these "obviously to us" wack-jobs.
I gave them a set of real good gardening books and $100.
They were divorced in 22 months. I wish I had money on that bet.
Yeah, cover the wedding hall's per person tab. The kid had a cheaper reception thank goodness.
I even told an old cousin of his that "they wouldn't last two years". I always got along with her and she didn't disagree.
Anyway, I had a beautiful Hudson's Bay blanket to give them but decided not to because, frankly, it was too good a gift for these "obviously to us" wack-jobs.
I gave them a set of real good gardening books and $100.
They were divorced in 22 months. I wish I had money on that bet.
Yeah, cover the wedding hall's per person tab. The kid had a cheaper reception thank goodness.
My wife and I typically give $100 - $200 but lately have been giving $200 since it costs quite a bit to have a catered wedding in Austin.
If they are old enough to get married, they should be financially stable enough not to want (need) cash from friends and family.
I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm kind of old fashioned and think a wedding should be very simple, not a silly circus that is elaborate and expensive just to impress all the guests.
I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm kind of old fashioned and think a wedding should be very simple, not a silly circus that is elaborate and expensive just to impress all the guests.
This.
It is totally up to you. Give what you feel you would like, depending upon how close you are to the couple and their family, and what you feel you can afford.
I find social snobs telling us what we should give, to be very offensive. (And I'm not one to be offended easily.)
While it is tradition to help a newlywed couple start their new life by giving a gift of some sort, whether cash or an actual gift, it is up to the giver to decide what they feel is appropriate. It has become common in our society that we seek help from the potential recipient, in selecting a gift that will be of value. After all, we don't want to give something that will only sit in the closet, or be returned. Unfortunately, this has led to an expectation on the part of recipients.
A gift, by definition, is something given without expectation of any type of payment in return. Thus the entire concept that a gift should be equal or greater in value than what is being spent on the guest, turns a gift into a payment for services rendered. When the family of a couple getting married plan a wedding, they are planning on a celebration of a wonderful event in the life of their son or daughter. They invite you as a guest to give joy to their family in the celebration, and to share in that joy. There should be no expectations for payment in return. If there are, that is very unfortunate.
So, make it a true gift, by giving from the heart. Give what you feel you would like them to have. And don't worry about what the social snobs say. If the recipient is offended, then that is very unfortunate. No friendship or family love should be based upon dollar amount.
It is totally up to you. Give what you feel you would like, depending upon how close you are to the couple and their family, and what you feel you can afford.
I find social snobs telling us what we should give, to be very offensive. (And I'm not one to be offended easily.)
While it is tradition to help a newlywed couple start their new life by giving a gift of some sort, whether cash or an actual gift, it is up to the giver to decide what they feel is appropriate. It has become common in our society that we seek help from the potential recipient, in selecting a gift that will be of value. After all, we don't want to give something that will only sit in the closet, or be returned. Unfortunately, this has led to an expectation on the part of recipients.
A gift, by definition, is something given without expectation of any type of payment in return. Thus the entire concept that a gift should be equal or greater in value than what is being spent on the guest, turns a gift into a payment for services rendered. When the family of a couple getting married plan a wedding, they are planning on a celebration of a wonderful event in the life of their son or daughter. They invite you as a guest to give joy to their family in the celebration, and to share in that joy. There should be no expectations for payment in return. If there are, that is very unfortunate.
So, make it a true gift, by giving from the heart. Give what you feel you would like them to have. And don't worry about what the social snobs say. If the recipient is offended, then that is very unfortunate. No friendship or family love should be based upon dollar amount.
If people are having a wedding to get back the money they spent on the wedding, theyll be disappointed. I joked at my wedding that I wished it was a godfather wedding. That way I'd have 20,30 grand. small bills cash.
You should at least cover the cost of your catered meals. That could be $20 to $100 per plate. You can tell pretty easily if it's expensive or not. My rule of thumb is about $500 for family and $200 for friends.
Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
If they are old enough to get married, they should be financially stable enough not to want (need) cash from friends and family.
I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm kind of old fashioned and think a wedding should be very simple, not a silly circus that is elaborate and expensive just to impress all the guests.
You got that right MrNice. There is a tremendous amount of just plain foolishness connected to weddings, most of it promoted by the interests who cater to the wedding industry. I recall being part of a wedding party where every last detail was subjected to excruciating minutiae that just seemed to go on and on. Of course the marriage only lasted three years.
If they are old enough to get married, they should be financially stable enough not to want (need) cash from friends and family.
I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm kind of old fashioned and think a wedding should be very simple, not a silly circus that is elaborate and expensive just to impress all the guests.
You got that right MrNice. There is a tremendous amount of just plain foolishness connected to weddings, most of it promoted by the interests who cater to the wedding industry. I recall being part of a wedding party where every last detail was subjected to excruciating minutiae that just seemed to go on and on. Of course the marriage only lasted three years.
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