any fathers who didn't want children here?

[SteveSRT8]

Not always representative of the parenting. You only get a certain amount of time to shape a child, then the rest is up to them.

Sometimes they turn out funny. It's not always Mom or Dad's fault.

My 3 are so different I am uncertain as to their gene pool!

 

[andrewg]

Originally Posted By: SteveSRT8
Not always representative of the parenting. You only get a certain amount of time to shape a child, then the rest is up to them.

Sometimes they turn out funny. It's not always Mom or Dad's fault.

My 3 are so different I am uncertain as to their gene pool!

Very true....I agree and realize that. But on this fella you can trust me. Actually I'd be shocked if any of his children turned out well being the type of person he is.

 

[Al]

Originally Posted By: SteveSRT8
Not always representative of the parenting. You only get a certain amount of time to shape a child, then the rest is up to them.

Yea.
You can lead them to water, you can demonstrate how to drink. That's it.

We know some very good homes where kids wound up in jail.

 

[SteveSRT8]

Originally Posted By: andrewg

Very true....I agree and realize that. But on this fella you can trust me. Actually I'd be shocked if any of his children turned out well being the type of person he is.


It sometimes seems as though there needs to be an exam and license issued before child bearing begins!!!

 

[John_K]

Originally Posted By: sir1900
The challenge for men who don't want children is to find a woman who doesn't want children either.

Not many women I know don't want children. Most dream of the "perfect family": the man, the dress, the kids, the house, etc.....


Yes, it's been tough for me. Finally found a woman with a birth defect that she's been advised not to have children. WOO-HOO! Pretty much anyone I have known a long time with kids admits to me they wish they hadn't had them!

John

 

[greenaccord02]

Originally Posted By: KrisZ
Most women will get that "urge" to have a child sooner or later, so guys that think their wife is on the same wave length should not be kidding themselves, this may change sooner than you think.



Maybe I'm kidding myself, but when my wife nags me constantly about "When are you finally going to get a vasectomy?" I have to think she's pretty serious. She really absolutely cannot stand small, medium or quasi-adult size children.

Perhaps you're kidding yourself by thinking the behavior of all women are determined by hysterics?

 

[dwendt44]

Of the five couples I've known that didn't want and didn't have kids, two were materialistic. The others just didn't want children.

 

[navcanman]

I have three kids at home 16 year old boy, 14 year old girl, and an oops I mean a 6 year old boy. I cannot imagine my life without them and the rewards and joy that they give me could never be replaced by more stuff or more money. To me they give meaning to my life and hopefully they will thru their lives help in some way to make the world a better place...........

 

[OtisBlkR1]

OP:

its odd that this ends up on BITOG, but ive been talking about this with my buddies for a few months now (man-thearpy) so to speak.. My wife and i are financialy secure, we both work, and decided after 5 years together 2 married that it was time to start our family back in 09, we talked it to death, and decided it was time.. a few months later she was overjoyed that the test was positive.. 9 months later my son was born, I wouldnt trade him for anything, but i traded alot for him, i was a avid motorcyclist, hunter, home improvement nut, movie critic, food critic, garage fanatic... ect, you get the point.. dating and married was amazing, plenty of cash, toys, hottie wife that never said NO.. then Shane was born.. the first six months were pure h*ll, sleep 30 minutes, up 20, sleep 20, up 30, he was cauliky (sure i spelled that wrong) and had lungs like nothing i had EVER heard before.. diapers and formula alone were costing me a Ducati payment each month.. then the ear aches started and for some reason unknown to me the doctor never thought tubes were a good idea.. every week back to the doctor for more scrips for infections, up all night with screaming uncontrollable fits.. the first 12 months were 12 months i want to forget, but they haunt me.. from 12-18 months there was a little break.. he started sleeping through the nite, i started recovering and catching up on a years worth of little to no sleep.. This past summer things have turned around alot, my little boy is my pride and joy, id give up all earthly posessions for him.. and i did give up about 80-90% of my free time, NO EXAGERATION, my wife and i work opposite shifts to save some money on unholy costs of daycare (i think only doctors and lawyers are realy suppose to enjoy this service) $250-400 per week depending where you go) So i have pretty much work, then daddy-daycare when i get home, im pretty used to Barny at this point.. my boys only a few months shy of 2 years old now and most of the time he is a joy, he loves comming out to the garage with me and he's a real sponge.. he obsorbs everything i do.. he loves rideing on the garden tractor, he wants to "go-go" constantly, loves the polaris ranger..(we have 5 acres out in the woods on a lake) so theres plenty of room for him to run and play.. but i will agree with other posters

my love life took a big hit after a child, we are both so exhausted after chasing him around.. the honeymoon is deffinately over..

my guy time is short, and most of the time weeks apart..

I have toys, but rarely get to use them (things that go vroom and things that go bang) but schedules conflict most of the time.

I have no regrets, i do miss my spare time, and miss alot of $$ but my son is.... my son, unless you have kids you just dont get the connection.. its something only parents get..

I cant hardly imagine trying to rais kids with no money or a unwilling wife..

my advice: if your broke or paycheck to paycheck.. buy trojans.. If your not with the absolute perfect WIFE (for you) its going to be tuff, if your wife and you have troubles now.. there only going to tripple with a baby..

I waited till i was done partying and over 30 to get married, was 33 when she got prego.. it was all planned, its been hard, its been filled with ups and downs, joys, disapointments.. tears, and makeups,.. alot of sleepless nites.. alot of screaming baby..

be prepaired, be ready.. and you still wont be ready.. just remember you helped make that little boy/girl.. it was your choice, not the childs.. its your duty to give and do everthing you can for them..

my two pennies

sorry for the bad gramar.. fast typing..

 

[SEMI_287]

I used to want kids. So far in my 26 years I've met one woman I considered having kids with. Then she ripped my heart out. Between jobs I drove school bus and between those two events I do not want children. I suppose if I found someone worth it sure. But in these times I don't really want to raise children.

 

[calvin1]

[censored] is other people's children. Sartre was so close.



EDIT: LOL, I never see the BITOG sensor coming. Oh well, use your imagination. Hint: it's hot there.

 

[KrisZ]

Originally Posted By: greenaccord02
Perhaps you're kidding yourself by thinking the behavior of all women are determined by hysterics?

Yes, I'm kidding myself, and we just went over 7 billion population mark all because MEN want to have kids

It's not hysterics, it's the survival instincts imbedded in our genes. Why do you think poor families/countries have so many kids knowing full well they cannot financially support them? In defies "modern" wisdom, but strength is in numbers and guess who controls the "gates"?

Your gal is an exception, not a rule.

 

[andrewg]

Originally Posted By: OtisBlkR1
OP:

I have no regrets, i do miss my spare time, and miss alot of $$ but my son is.... my son, unless you have kids you just dont get the connection.. its something only parents get..

This statement in your post is where I have difficulty. To say that ONLY a parent can understand the attachment to a child is really not valid and almost smacks of an elite or superior ability. No insult intended here but it's statements like that that come off sounding arrogant or dismissive of any other opinion. Those that do not have children can certainly put themselves in your place and have accurate empathy. It's not hard to grasp that if you have a child you are bonded to them in a special way. No issue there. But please....no more statements that 'only a parent can understand'. It's simply not true.

 

[Al]

Originally Posted By: andrewg

This statement in your post is where I have difficulty. To say that ONLY a parent can understand the attachment to a child is really not valid and almost smacks of an elite or superior ability. No insult intended here but it's statements like that that come off sounding arrogant or dismissive of any other opinion. Those that do not have children can certainly put themselves in your place and have accurate empathy. It's not hard to grasp that if you have a child you are bonded to them in a special way. No issue there. But please....no more statements that 'only a parent can understand'. It's simply not true.

I thought the same thing but I wasn't gonna' say it.

And I 'could' say that as a parent (with grown kids out of the house)....One can not 'understand' the amount of extra loving time spouses have to give each other unencumbered (without kids-to get in the way)

 

[PR1955]

I agree that a person who is not a parent can grasp that there is a special bond. I believe that it would be very difficult for them to fully understand the strength of that bond unless they have experienced it, no superior ability, eliteness, or arrogance implied or intended. It' like saying you understand how a broken leg feels if youve never experienced it-you understand that it is painful,and you can have empathy, but if you've never felt it, you can't fully understand the severity.

 

[SteveSRT8]

Originally Posted By: Al
And I 'could' say that as a parent (with grown kids out of the house)....One can not 'understand' the amount of extra loving time spouses have to give each other unencumbered (without kids-to get in the way)

Hahaha! We are also blissfully childless now!

It's a wonderful thing.

 

[andrewg]

Originally Posted By: PR1955
I agree that a person who is not a parent can grasp that there is a special bond. I believe that it would be very difficult for them to fully understand the strength of that bond unless they have experienced it, no superior ability, eliteness, or arrogance implied or intended. It' like saying you understand how a broken leg feels if youve never experienced it-you understand that it is painful,and you can have empathy, but if you've never felt it, you can't fully understand the severity.

I understand that without actually breaking a leg....a person can't 100% know what it's like to break a leg. But my point is that many parents use the 'only a parent can understand' statement (or a variation of it) to exclude or marginalize others during everyday conversation. I've raised and become bonded to living beings before (just not human ones) and can imagine the bond between a parent and child being far more powerful. It's not hard to understand. I just don't like being excluded from valuable conversational input (marginalized) when a parent pulls out the...'you don't understand unless you've been a parent' statement. I certainly do understand the bond. It's just not a particular bond that I want to be saddled with. Perhaps those that have had children express this attitude toward childless adults as a form of passive-aggressive or elitist behavior in order to make themselves feel special or validated? That's a stretch....I know. But seriously, in many conversations I've had with parents it often comes off that way.

 

[calvin1]

Originally Posted By: andrewg
Perhaps those that have had children express this attitude toward childless adults as a form of passive-aggressive or elitist behavior in order to make themselves feel special or validated? That's a stretch....I know. But seriously, in many conversations I've had with parents it often comes off that way.
No, I think that's a valid observation. It's often used as cover for irrational, poor choices made in the name of parenting. I've even had people - women, specifically

- use that line on me online not knowing that I do have children.

 

[Al]

Originally Posted By: PR1955
I agree that a person who is not a parent can grasp that there is a special bond. I believe that it would be very difficult for them to fully understand the strength of that bond unless they have experienced it


I can't believe I am hearing this.

I have Grandchildren..I love them as dearly as my children. I would do anything in the world for them...its a special bond that is exactly like you have with your wife...Its love, caring, desire to protect, willing to give your life for, etc.

So it is special in that sense..But one can understand the bond only if you have a child??.. scheesch..gimmie a break.

 

[bigmike]

We're really arguing over "loving bonds" here?

Maybe I'm not as Internet savvy as I once thought... Did I stumble on a Days of Our Lives chat board?