All i can say is 18+ years of payments buys a lot of new toys.
any fathers who didn't want children here?
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It sure does. Unfortunately there is no substitute for human interaction and joy posterity can bring. Toys only bring a smile until you can't use them anymore.
Not wanting a debate, but the OP should talk to many older folks in the golden years and get a late life snap shot to go along with the early-mid snippets he is getting here. Older gents tend to be quite frank and tell you their facts either way.
Not wanting a debate, but the OP should talk to many older folks in the golden years and get a late life snap shot to go along with the early-mid snippets he is getting here. Older gents tend to be quite frank and tell you their facts either way.
Originally Posted By: Smokescreen
Not wanting a debate, but the OP should talk to many older folks in the golden years and get a late life snap shot to go along with the early-mid snippets he is getting here. Older gents tend to be quite frank and tell you their facts either way.
You are 100% correct. I think in many cases they will favor having kids because they love their Grandchildren. But really .."Ignorance is Bliss" If you didn't have that child you wouldn't know any better and the relationship with your wife/husband 'could' be immeasurably better as well as the ease of your life.
I am friends with this Gentleman who is 87 and his wife died last year. He has told me that their 60+ years of Marriage has been one long Honeymoon. Oh yea they had No kids. Here is HUUUUUUUGE food for thought. He will tell you he doesn't know what life would have brought with kids. But is hard to see that he had anything but an almost perfect life.
Not wanting a debate, but the OP should talk to many older folks in the golden years and get a late life snap shot to go along with the early-mid snippets he is getting here. Older gents tend to be quite frank and tell you their facts either way.
You are 100% correct. I think in many cases they will favor having kids because they love their Grandchildren. But really .."Ignorance is Bliss" If you didn't have that child you wouldn't know any better and the relationship with your wife/husband 'could' be immeasurably better as well as the ease of your life.
I am friends with this Gentleman who is 87 and his wife died last year. He has told me that their 60+ years of Marriage has been one long Honeymoon. Oh yea they had No kids. Here is HUUUUUUUGE food for thought. He will tell you he doesn't know what life would have brought with kids. But is hard to see that he had anything but an almost perfect life.
True but that works both ways.Some people will always see the grass on the other side greener and others will believe the way it turned out for them was the best way. You never know how you would feel in old age with no kids. It's just like a married person telling a bachelor how much bachlerhood is better and vice versa. No one can really say which way is better than the other and neither is perfect. I'd say it's natural to want to be married and have kids. Some people aren't going to be happy married with kids or not either way while others are.
I would take nothing for my kids and would give everything for them.
I have three total, a daughter 33, a son 29, by my first wife, and a son 13, by my second wife. The youngest came after my second vasectomy. His mom died when he was 3 and he has been diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder. He was a blessing in disguise when he was born and is even more so a blessing now.
I know having children is not for everyone and the one's that don't want kids, just make sure you take steps to prevent them.
I feel sorry for the kids born to parents that don't want them through no fault of their own.
Some folks shouldn't breed anyway.
I have three total, a daughter 33, a son 29, by my first wife, and a son 13, by my second wife. The youngest came after my second vasectomy. His mom died when he was 3 and he has been diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder. He was a blessing in disguise when he was born and is even more so a blessing now.
I know having children is not for everyone and the one's that don't want kids, just make sure you take steps to prevent them.
I feel sorry for the kids born to parents that don't want them through no fault of their own.
Some folks shouldn't breed anyway.
"second vasectomy" ???
Did you have the first one reversed, or did the first one not take?? I thought that procedure was pretty final and a reliable form of birth control..I don't know much about it I guess...
Did you have the first one reversed, or did the first one not take?? I thought that procedure was pretty final and a reliable form of birth control..I don't know much about it I guess...
Neither I nor wifey ever wanted children. And never will.
We started seriously dating only after we made this clear to each other and we were delighted to be on the same page, and still are. Happily married 10 yrs next feb.
EDIT:
sorry: I noticed that this thread was for people who already have kids but didn't want any. I really don't count, as I never had any.
We started seriously dating only after we made this clear to each other and we were delighted to be on the same page, and still are. Happily married 10 yrs next feb.
EDIT:
sorry: I noticed that this thread was for people who already have kids but didn't want any. I really don't count, as I never had any.
97tbird: I really want everyone's opinions and experience. I do appreciate you including yours!
I wanted children. I still love my daughter, and my step kids. But after my divorce, I never wanted to have another child.
I simply could not endure another child being taken away by an unfaithful mother and the courts simply don't care about marital fidelity.
I think a spouse who would betray her marital vows is not a fit parent. But my view is not codified in the law. Instead, we have a family court system where we simply refuse to look at moral fiber.
So rather than expose another child (and myself) to such a system, I had the vasectomy.
Until we get this fixed in America, folks are foolish to have children. Especially men who have stay at home wives.
I tried to do it right, met my ex-wife in church, no sex until we married, let her be a stay at home parent because that's what she felt called to do.
No help from the church when she had her affair. Instead, the pastor asked what I did to cause her affair.
Really?
If that's the kind of support we get from the allegedly pro-family church, then I'd rather not have any more kids.
Then you have the lies about fathers abandoning their families. The reality is that 2/3rds to 3/4s of all divorced fathers were forced out by their ex-wives. Women file for divorce two to three times as often as men.
So is it really men abandoning their families, or is it women and a complicit court system that goes along with their desire to throw him out so they can pursue another Disney romance?
I contend it's the latter.
Husbands are not leaving, they are being dispatched by ex-wives with the help of a willing court system.
Where is the protection for the husbands and their kids from that? It simply does not exist today.
I simply could not endure another child being taken away by an unfaithful mother and the courts simply don't care about marital fidelity.
I think a spouse who would betray her marital vows is not a fit parent. But my view is not codified in the law. Instead, we have a family court system where we simply refuse to look at moral fiber.
So rather than expose another child (and myself) to such a system, I had the vasectomy.
Until we get this fixed in America, folks are foolish to have children. Especially men who have stay at home wives.
I tried to do it right, met my ex-wife in church, no sex until we married, let her be a stay at home parent because that's what she felt called to do.
No help from the church when she had her affair. Instead, the pastor asked what I did to cause her affair.
Really?
If that's the kind of support we get from the allegedly pro-family church, then I'd rather not have any more kids.
Then you have the lies about fathers abandoning their families. The reality is that 2/3rds to 3/4s of all divorced fathers were forced out by their ex-wives. Women file for divorce two to three times as often as men.
So is it really men abandoning their families, or is it women and a complicit court system that goes along with their desire to throw him out so they can pursue another Disney romance?
I contend it's the latter.
Husbands are not leaving, they are being dispatched by ex-wives with the help of a willing court system.
Where is the protection for the husbands and their kids from that? It simply does not exist today.
I have them and also consider the time, energy and $$$ given is the most valuable thing I could do on this planet. There's a good chance that they will grow and become productive members of society - passing along the good they have received.
Originally Posted By: Jeepster_nut
one and done! My son is 2 and a half. Kids accentuate the problems in your marriage. This leads to affairs and eventually divorce.
That's a bit of a stretch. Kids absolutely strain the relationship - but it's more of a lack of relational skill and baggage we bring in vs the kids that come along.
one and done! My son is 2 and a half. Kids accentuate the problems in your marriage. This leads to affairs and eventually divorce.
That's a bit of a stretch. Kids absolutely strain the relationship - but it's more of a lack of relational skill and baggage we bring in vs the kids that come along.
Originally Posted By: javacontour
I simply could not endure another child being taken away by an unfaithful mother and the courts simply don't care about marital fidelity.
I think a spouse who would betray her marital vows is not a fit parent. But my view is not codified in the law. Instead, we have a family court system where we simply refuse to look at moral fiber.
Uh-oh here comes the Woman Bashing again.
I simply could not endure another child being taken away by an unfaithful mother and the courts simply don't care about marital fidelity.
I think a spouse who would betray her marital vows is not a fit parent. But my view is not codified in the law. Instead, we have a family court system where we simply refuse to look at moral fiber.
Uh-oh here comes the Woman Bashing again.
Originally Posted By: NJC
Jeepster_nut said:one and done! My son is 2 and a half. Kids accentuate the problems in your marriage. This leads to affairs and eventually divorce.
Quote:
That's a bit of a stretch. Kids absolutely strain the relationship - but it's more of a lack of relational skill and baggage we bring in vs the kids that come along.
And considering that nobody on this earth is a relationship expert and nobody on this earth is baggage free, the kids accentuate it. Semantics...
Originally Posted By: Al
Uh-oh here comes the Woman Bashing again.
I wouldn't call it women bashing, it happens to men as well.
Uh-oh here comes the Woman Bashing again.
I wouldn't call it women bashing, it happens to men as well.
Originally Posted By: PandaBear
I wouldn't call it women bashing, it happens to men as well.
Not according to him.
https://bobistheoilguy.com/forums/posts/2385438/
I wouldn't call it women bashing, it happens to men as well.
Not according to him.
https://bobistheoilguy.com/forums/posts/2385438/
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When men are choosing to file divorce two to three times as often as women, then bring on the legitimate questions about who is really committed to their vows and so forth.
But right now, since it's women who choose divorce two to three times more frequently than men do, it's a legitimate question.
Remember, I said I was against cheating and against No Fault Divorce. Is it hateful to women to say that for every man cheating, there is at least one woman also part of that affair? Of course not.
Likewise, it's not hateful to remind folks that the majority of divorces filed are cases like Patman's where the folks simply decide marriage isn't working for them.
Where similarity ends is that it's seldom a mutual decision and it's typically the woman who calls it quits. It further breaks down in the settlement arena. One or both parties want it all. They want to end the marriage, possibly have their affair, be absolved of all the debts, get alimony, sole custody of the child, and have none of their behavior come up in the courts.
Being against that doesn't make me some sort of woman hater. But I have no love for the unsavory nature of the divorce business. It certainly is not in the best interest of the children or the family the way it's practiced today.
But right now, since it's women who choose divorce two to three times more frequently than men do, it's a legitimate question.
Remember, I said I was against cheating and against No Fault Divorce. Is it hateful to women to say that for every man cheating, there is at least one woman also part of that affair? Of course not.
Likewise, it's not hateful to remind folks that the majority of divorces filed are cases like Patman's where the folks simply decide marriage isn't working for them.
Where similarity ends is that it's seldom a mutual decision and it's typically the woman who calls it quits. It further breaks down in the settlement arena. One or both parties want it all. They want to end the marriage, possibly have their affair, be absolved of all the debts, get alimony, sole custody of the child, and have none of their behavior come up in the courts.
Being against that doesn't make me some sort of woman hater. But I have no love for the unsavory nature of the divorce business. It certainly is not in the best interest of the children or the family the way it's practiced today.
JHZR2
Staff member
Some of our closest friends have had a child in the last six months. It has been so much fun. Ditto for a set of cousins who have a child now about five that weve been close with all along. So much fun. Granted we get to play with the kids with none of the 3am work or crying.
IMO, one of the greatest problems is that society drums into our heads how bad and tough and difficult it is. We are told this as an excuse for us to think that we deserve junk because of how tough we have it. Remember also that new parents are the most gullible consumers. I always laugh at the walmart commercials where the lady comes on and says how she is a stay at home mom, and its just so tough to do that, so she relies upon Wal mart 1hr photo processing to make her day easier.
Give me a break.
I want kids, for the last few years I havent felt like it was the time. My wife respected that. But we also talked early on that we both did want kids at some point.
nd we may have to give some stuff up when we do. The scary part is the folks living debt-filled, unsustainable lives giving their kids everything and turning them full speed ahead into consumer culture monsters.
IMO, one of the greatest problems is that society drums into our heads how bad and tough and difficult it is. We are told this as an excuse for us to think that we deserve junk because of how tough we have it. Remember also that new parents are the most gullible consumers. I always laugh at the walmart commercials where the lady comes on and says how she is a stay at home mom, and its just so tough to do that, so she relies upon Wal mart 1hr photo processing to make her day easier.
Give me a break.
I want kids, for the last few years I havent felt like it was the time. My wife respected that. But we also talked early on that we both did want kids at some point.
nd we may have to give some stuff up when we do. The scary part is the folks living debt-filled, unsustainable lives giving their kids everything and turning them full speed ahead into consumer culture monsters.
JHZR2
Staff member
Originally Posted By: NJC
Originally Posted By: Jeepster_nut
one and done! My son is 2 and a half. Kids accentuate the problems in your marriage. This leads to affairs and eventually divorce.
That's a bit of a stretch. Kids absolutely strain the relationship - but it's more of a lack of relational skill and baggage we bring in vs the kids that come along.
Without breaking the "S", could it be that kids make it tougher for parents to meet their needs together and then this drives bad decisions and relationship degradation overall?
Originally Posted By: Jeepster_nut
one and done! My son is 2 and a half. Kids accentuate the problems in your marriage. This leads to affairs and eventually divorce.
That's a bit of a stretch. Kids absolutely strain the relationship - but it's more of a lack of relational skill and baggage we bring in vs the kids that come along.
Without breaking the "S", could it be that kids make it tougher for parents to meet their needs together and then this drives bad decisions and relationship degradation overall?
Originally Posted By: JHZR2
Without breaking the "S", could it be that kids make it tougher for parents to meet their needs together and then this drives bad decisions and relationship degradation overall?
if I was in that situation, I would hire a babysitter for the night
Without breaking the "S", could it be that kids make it tougher for parents to meet their needs together and then this drives bad decisions and relationship degradation overall?
if I was in that situation, I would hire a babysitter for the night
I think that the kids can put more of a demand on a relationship, makes money tighter and sometimes the attention is focused on the child instead of on the relationship as a whole. If a relationship was on shakey ground before it probably will fail with the kid. It is nice if you can afford to hire the babysitter, but in to the economy of many now that is a luxury that is hard to afford. However if you try to set up a deal with friends where you can trade off babysitting like in a co op then it can work.
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