What Red said

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5,889
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Tn.
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.
 
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8,005
Location
The Midwest
Looks like he was one of the best comedians of all time.

Speaking of cuss words, I don't cuss myself other than saying the word crap, which the mods allow on here now after a member suggested it.
Crap is my default cussword.
Hearing cusswords doesn't bother me however unless it's hurting someone. As an example, if a co-worker drops a wrench and yells a cussword out, who cares.

I don't like modern comedy. If the comedian is black as an example, he or she is often poking fun at their own race.
If the comedian is fat, he or she is most likely poking fun at their weight problem.
 
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843
Location
Cedar City Utah
We saw him at John Asquagas Nugget in Sparks, NV. Photos weren't allowed in casinos but during his routine a flash went off and security was on the way to the table. Red dropped his hat to his chest and said "Please don't do that. Flashes went off throughout the floor without any more interference.
Quite the man.
 
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9,108
Location
Marshfield , MA
cussing is the sign of a poor vocabulary. Its verbiage, substituting Jeepers or rassenfrassen gets the point across just as well and lightens the mood :cool:
 
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