I got off work early last night. I walked in the house, my fiancee dident notice me/I dident notice her. I went into the family room to read, and heard her on the phone on the staircase talking to her best friend. I heard her mention that she wants to get pregnant by the end of spring! I was in a weird, happy shock! She's an RN, and cant get any time off her job until she has a year in where she works. The plan is or was to get married in september when she can get a week of vacation, and get married in Hawaii, more of my idea. She has hinted it wouldent bother her to have a civil marrige. She is 30, has stated she thinks she wont be able to get pregnant too much longer because her older sister couldant have any more childern past 32. So I guess I should just ask her this weekend to get married this week at the courthouse. God help me!
Time to get hitched, now!!
- Thread starter drive it forever
- Start date
- Status
How long have you guys dated?? Are you ready to settle down and start a family? Do her parents like you?
Good luck to you. Civil ceremony would be good you might need the extra bucks when junior arives. BTW..having kids isn't all its cracked up to be. Lots of worry, work,worry, expense, sacrifice. etc. Then they leave and you appreciate that they are gone.
Six years of dating/living together, Money is not in issue, we save and live well below our means, but, she makes more then I do, she works at the moment 6 days a week and gets lots of OT, she dont mind at all making more then I do, but it bothers my manhood a tad. Her dad probably wishes she would be with a doctor instead being that her parents are well off, but we get along good. If I knew marriage came with a 100% guaranty, I would like to have 5 childern.
There is a related topic somewhere near this one currently.....never mind....no one ever guarantees it will be easy.
I think you have the right idea. Go to Hawaii and get married. I began planning a "traditional" July or August wedding in early January. The date is now going to be September 17th. When I started looking into places for a reception, I was shocked to find out that they were all booked into 2006. This left me with very few choices.
My fiancee's parents have both passed on, so we will be sharing all of the costs between us. I have asked myself multiple times why I am paying so much for other people to come mooch food and beer from me on my wedding day. I have accepted that this will not be cheep, but I almost fell over when I saw the price for a 1/2 keg of beer - $195. I have really considered cancelling the whole thing, doing the civil thing and having a small party in the back yard. It would be so much easier and cheeper.
While I have to agree with Al on the children thing, but he only lists the bad parts. He doesn't talk about the happieness and joy that they can also bring you. I haven't really discussed this with anybody yet, but I am planning on at least one child in the next couple of years. I just hope that this child doesn't give me the grief that I gave my parents.
Good luck
You know what? If it feels right and you think you are responsible enough to make a committment of a lifetime, then do it! A warning though! Life as you currently know it will be total chaos and completely different. Marriage and kids are a HUGE RESPONSIBILITY! If you are not 100%, 100%, I will say this again, because the majority does not think, 100% committed to working yourself to the bone for a long time, then don't do it! The majority ends in failure with divorce and fatherless and motherless children.
That being said I have been married for 13 years and together for 19 years. We have 2 children, 2 and 7. You can see that timeline. It was carefully planned. I didn't care what others thought or percieved, if it wasn't right, I waited. I was pushed and I resisted.
The only thing I didn't plan for was the ******* in-laws!
When its all said and done we are happy and so are the kids.
That being said I have been married for 13 years and together for 19 years. We have 2 children, 2 and 7. You can see that timeline. It was carefully planned. I didn't care what others thought or percieved, if it wasn't right, I waited. I was pushed and I resisted.
The only thing I didn't plan for was the ******* in-laws!
When its all said and done we are happy and so are the kids.
Thinking of myself. It has taken me a year to adjust to be married and the realizations. I am beyond happy and was previously. Even though you possibly may live together and what not previously it takes time to adjust. I believe time as a married couple alone is very important as you learn each others needs, wants and desires.
Pregnancy and then childbirth I have not experienced but is likely on my horizons. The only observation I have their is do NOT place your relationship on hold for that first year. It seems to strain or ruin relationships in my observations. Time is important with one another even small bits. The reason I bring this up is you are attempting to mix two stressful but joyous events at once in your life.
I wish you the best, you know whats best in your heart and your own needs.
Pregnancy and then childbirth I have not experienced but is likely on my horizons. The only observation I have their is do NOT place your relationship on hold for that first year. It seems to strain or ruin relationships in my observations. Time is important with one another even small bits. The reason I bring this up is you are attempting to mix two stressful but joyous events at once in your life.
I wish you the best, you know whats best in your heart and your own needs.
Drive it forever,
Well, my advice would be to think long and hard that you're certain you want your life to change. Things WILL be different no matter what you think in your head. And not all the changes will be good ones. Some will be downright terrible....others, not so bad. And yes, some will be good....but not as many as you may think right now. Children will cost tons of money, hamper your free time to do your own thing, tire you out like ten puppies, cause you to lose sleep on a weekly basis, and sometimes cause friction between you and your wife. If you're a homebody, love commitment, enjoy self sacrifice, don't need much female attention, and can handle the smell of human excrement....you'll do great!
And about the wedding? Go to Hawaii and have a good time because if you don't, your wife will get very upset everytime another couple mentions how great THEIR wedding was. (Trust me on this, it matters to the ladies more than the guys. Oh, and get her a nice ring...no cheapy).
On the good side, your woman sounds like a good income earner....always a positive (you'll need the income for sure). The parent deal (inlaws) may be bothersome in the future. If you know that they prefer her to marry a doctor over you, friction will eventually rear it's ugly head. It sounds like money is very important to her family....maybe even too much. Good luck with them, I predict some relational stress though.
Final advice? Get married, be positive, accept change, love her even when your angry, and get some premarital counseling from a clergy.
Good luck my friend!
Well, my advice would be to think long and hard that you're certain you want your life to change. Things WILL be different no matter what you think in your head. And not all the changes will be good ones. Some will be downright terrible....others, not so bad. And yes, some will be good....but not as many as you may think right now. Children will cost tons of money, hamper your free time to do your own thing, tire you out like ten puppies, cause you to lose sleep on a weekly basis, and sometimes cause friction between you and your wife. If you're a homebody, love commitment, enjoy self sacrifice, don't need much female attention, and can handle the smell of human excrement....you'll do great!
And about the wedding? Go to Hawaii and have a good time because if you don't, your wife will get very upset everytime another couple mentions how great THEIR wedding was. (Trust me on this, it matters to the ladies more than the guys. Oh, and get her a nice ring...no cheapy).
On the good side, your woman sounds like a good income earner....always a positive (you'll need the income for sure). The parent deal (inlaws) may be bothersome in the future. If you know that they prefer her to marry a doctor over you, friction will eventually rear it's ugly head. It sounds like money is very important to her family....maybe even too much. Good luck with them, I predict some relational stress though.
Final advice? Get married, be positive, accept change, love her even when your angry, and get some premarital counseling from a clergy.
Good luck my friend!
Hmmm, sounds like my job
I could quit if I wanted, but I usually love it.
The church that my fiancee and I are getting married in is making us take a compatability test. It is 153 multiple guess questions. We have to go to pre-cana on June 12th. I have always wondered, with the amount of Catholic divorces in this country, does this stuff really matter? When people go into a church and make a promise infront of God, they should do their best to make that promise good - for better or for worse.
[ May 01, 2005, 06:34 PM: Message edited by: medic ]
The question is, does this stuff matter to the couple getting married. If not, then no, it doesn't matter. Premarital screening is a good idea for Christian couples that follow and believe in God. Some people just don't take their faith as seriously as they should.
As society goes, so will part of the congregation. Catholics seem extra-susceptable in this regard. Just my opinion.
#1 Money is always an issue. It drives most couples towards divorce. And if you are not living in the Riveria (and not working) , you don't have enough of it. Believe me..you can never never have "enough" money.
#2 And 5 kids
I was clueless in what it takes to successfully raise 2 kids. Most people are I suppose.
Be real careful bud. I would want to be married for a couple of years before I considered kids. It's really hard on them if things don't work out. I have been married 5 yrs and was ready to have kids. Next thing I know the wife moved out with paper soon to follow. Make for absolute sure what your in love with. Make sure it's her and not the idea of having a wife or a family. Just my $.02 after having been pulled through the fire.
About the age thing with her and children. Its very possible, we are still trying 2 invitro atempts and $16,000 later we still dont have any money burners(kids).
You have enough money when you can, at this moment right now, walk into a Mercedes Benz dealership, find the expensive convertible sports coupe and ask to have it in your favorite color, fully loaded, ready for pickup ASAP, and you're paying in CASH.
If you're like me and have to haggle your way through at a Kia dealership, you don't have enough money
That is what a professor once said to me right before I graduated.
If you're like me and have to haggle your way through at a Kia dealership, you don't have enough money
That is what a professor once said to me right before I graduated.
JHZR2
Staff member
All I know is this:
It IS possibe to have mom and dad work successful jobs, IF their scheduling is right.
My mother is a teacher, my father works for the state government. My mother was always home at my lunch hour, after school, and all summer. This was important.
My parents always included my brother and I in everything they did. None of this "us two are going away on vacation" stuff. We were always together, allowed us to have a lot more parents time. We also went out to eat a lot on the weekends. Not to anyplace expensive, usually to an early bird special at a restaurant, or the lunch special at the local Chinese sit-down restaurant. Why? Not necause it was the simplest path (though my father did want my mother to not have to do dishes, etc), but because we were usually out doing stuff. We would go along with our parents to go shopping to learn how o be better consumers, nd that sort of thing. Eating out made it easier for my mother, and gave us an extra hour of family time that was IMO very important.
My mother made time to cook, keep our two homes clean, do the shopping, laundry, etc. My father did the mechanical work, lawn, cars, etc. They helped each other out as necessary, but kept out of one anoter's hair when doing their respective jobs.
So, I think that he two of you can have careers, kids, etc., and be financially sound, but likely your wife will have to give up the 6 day a week/OT based job, once kids start coming around. I dont think a stay-at-home mom is necesssary after a child is 1.5-2, but having a mother that is there during the off-hours is crucial. The ability of the mother to be there for the kids helps reduce some of the problems hat kids encounter when theyre endlessly shuttled from day care to day care, but at the same time, both parents working allows the family to be comfortable financially (plus of course sacrifice and not always trying to keep up with the Joneses and incurring lots of debt), so there arent money woes.
Ive lived through it appening successfully, and am now getting ready to do the same thing in my life (Im in my mid-20s, so my next big steps will be coming up in the next few years).
Good luck!
JMH
It IS possibe to have mom and dad work successful jobs, IF their scheduling is right.
My mother is a teacher, my father works for the state government. My mother was always home at my lunch hour, after school, and all summer. This was important.
My parents always included my brother and I in everything they did. None of this "us two are going away on vacation" stuff. We were always together, allowed us to have a lot more parents time. We also went out to eat a lot on the weekends. Not to anyplace expensive, usually to an early bird special at a restaurant, or the lunch special at the local Chinese sit-down restaurant. Why? Not necause it was the simplest path (though my father did want my mother to not have to do dishes, etc), but because we were usually out doing stuff. We would go along with our parents to go shopping to learn how o be better consumers, nd that sort of thing. Eating out made it easier for my mother, and gave us an extra hour of family time that was IMO very important.
My mother made time to cook, keep our two homes clean, do the shopping, laundry, etc. My father did the mechanical work, lawn, cars, etc. They helped each other out as necessary, but kept out of one anoter's hair when doing their respective jobs.
So, I think that he two of you can have careers, kids, etc., and be financially sound, but likely your wife will have to give up the 6 day a week/OT based job, once kids start coming around. I dont think a stay-at-home mom is necesssary after a child is 1.5-2, but having a mother that is there during the off-hours is crucial. The ability of the mother to be there for the kids helps reduce some of the problems hat kids encounter when theyre endlessly shuttled from day care to day care, but at the same time, both parents working allows the family to be comfortable financially (plus of course sacrifice and not always trying to keep up with the Joneses and incurring lots of debt), so there arent money woes.
Ive lived through it appening successfully, and am now getting ready to do the same thing in my life (Im in my mid-20s, so my next big steps will be coming up in the next few years).
Good luck!
JMH
- Status
