Gents, parking brake was the issue here. Thanks for your input.
However, I rounded off one of the stuck bastard caliper bolts and could not get it out after trying for several hours, alternating a torch and PB blaster for well over an hour. Nonetheless I was able to replace the rotor and brake on that side with a little bit of patience and a lot of bit of profanity, and with one immovable bolt. Jerry rigged piece of kit now. Will follow up with update on whether my brakes seize up or fall out here in the next few days.