Trust me, I’m well aware of this ideology and I’ve seen it play out. Adult children feeding off parents into their 30s, 40s and beyond. We can disagree on this subject.
Problems trying to help a young adult. I'm about to lose it!
- Thread starter Chris142
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You’ve done a great thing helping her out. I’m sure you feel betrayed but coming up in the foster care system I’m sure this poor kids mental and emotional health is a train wreck. My BiL and SiL have 4 kids they adopted of of the system and it’s hard even on the ones that get out young.
I agree with talking to a mentor, a pastor someone you trust and know personally. I’m gonna give you my personal take but you do with it as you see fit because I’m not there actually involved in the situation, here goes…I’d tell her and future dad that today is the day! It’s the day they grow up because someone else is gonna be depending on them. Drugs? Gotta get gone! Need help with that? I’ll drive you to NarAnon, but it happens..today. School? A 3.5! You’re doing good girl! You’ve got a future keep at this! Here’s the catch…I’ve got a lot going on. If I find you’re not taking this seriously I won’t either, I’ll forget I’ve ever known you and you’ll be back on your own or on to someone else.
I agree with talking to a mentor, a pastor someone you trust and know personally. I’m gonna give you my personal take but you do with it as you see fit because I’m not there actually involved in the situation, here goes…I’d tell her and future dad that today is the day! It’s the day they grow up because someone else is gonna be depending on them. Drugs? Gotta get gone! Need help with that? I’ll drive you to NarAnon, but it happens..today. School? A 3.5! You’re doing good girl! You’ve got a future keep at this! Here’s the catch…I’ve got a lot going on. If I find you’re not taking this seriously I won’t either, I’ll forget I’ve ever known you and you’ll be back on your own or on to someone else.
Difficult situation for sure. I suppose as long as she stays away from drugs and respects your home you can take it one day at a time. With her high grades she really could make something of herself, but having a kid in tow will make it difficult.
It’s a very kind thing you and your wife are doing. Lots of potential for a good or poor outcome, depending on choices she makes.
It’s a very kind thing you and your wife are doing. Lots of potential for a good or poor outcome, depending on choices she makes.
I dont believe drugs are a problem with her or the boyfriend so thats a plus.
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That's quite an intuitive observation.
It wasn't until I was in my late 20s that I realized I'd missed out on many experiences that "kids" usually have.
Don't get me wrong, I know my parents were trying they best, but even in early days of elementary school I felt the burden of family resting on my shoulders.
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I like to ask myself questions like these in situations like these: Where are my preconceptions, biases, and blind spots?
What if you’re wrong about the zero life skills judgement? Have you painted with a broad brush where a medium brush was better suited?
What if you’re wrong about the zero life skills judgement? Have you painted with a broad brush where a medium brush was better suited?
I agree with everyone else, you are doing a great thing, period.
Whether it was wanted in your life or not, maybe it might be a needed change. I see this as a tough road regardless of her choices- but it might offer satisfaction in the simply changing a life for the better- even for something you may not have wanted. Not saying your wife could be right, but a little family life may not hurt.
Keep in mind this might be a different point of view from others.
While not the same as yours, I had a major life changing event almost 3 years ago. It got me into helping others while it might have been better to help myself. I changed lives for the better, even though it was not easy for me. But I have no regrets. Tonight was a good night to see the good changes in their lives, and mine as well.
Wishing you the best in this.
Whether it was wanted in your life or not, maybe it might be a needed change. I see this as a tough road regardless of her choices- but it might offer satisfaction in the simply changing a life for the better- even for something you may not have wanted. Not saying your wife could be right, but a little family life may not hurt.
Keep in mind this might be a different point of view from others.
While not the same as yours, I had a major life changing event almost 3 years ago. It got me into helping others while it might have been better to help myself. I changed lives for the better, even though it was not easy for me. But I have no regrets. Tonight was a good night to see the good changes in their lives, and mine as well.
Wishing you the best in this.
AZjeff
$50 Site Donor 2023
He already covered that, topic closed.
You are a good person who tried to do a noble thing. But the situation appears to be getting worse. At some point she has to accept responsibility for her actions. (Getting pregnant).
Don't let this have a negative impact on your life or marriage. As tough of a pill as it is to swallow, some people just cannot be helped.
Don't let this have a negative impact on your life or marriage. As tough of a pill as it is to swallow, some people just cannot be helped.
The cat's out of the bag and the bun is in the oven. The girl needs to find a way to become self-sufficient which will not be easy and she will need help, especially considering her circumstances. You, your wife, and the girl have to be on the same page otherwise there will be nothing but trouble no matter how much you want to help her. The girl is probably overwhelmed. Making specific recommendations is impossible without personally knowing all involved parties. I suggest the three of you sit down with a competent social worker.
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JTK
$100 Site Donor 2025
Chris you are doing a great thing for this young person and I hope it works out for everyone.
There's a lot of risks, but what isnt a risk in life. One consideration is, if she makes your address, her address (gets her mail sent there, gets a driver's license, etc), booting her out will be difficult, time consuming and potentially expensive.
There's a lot of risks, but what isnt a risk in life. One consideration is, if she makes your address, her address (gets her mail sent there, gets a driver's license, etc), booting her out will be difficult, time consuming and potentially expensive.
Praying for you, your family and the young lady & her baby.
What you do or don't believe has nothing to do with this other than choosing to continue to support her or not support her. What is best for this young lady depends on what SHE as an adult believes. It's a respect of liberty thing...
You just became a parent for the young girl, her baby, and possibly the baby-daddy. Maybe you and your wife should recuse-adopt the baby. She will be have another child in about 9 months and one week after the birth of her first. That’s how she can and will get government support. Sad but true.
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