Greetings and good evening to all in the land of the Great Bitog: So, we've just spent an entire month re-digging all the canals that run through my parents property. We rented a backhoe, drank several cases of beer and created huge piles of muck. I the process of re-digging the canals, we found, one lawn mower, a front axle to a pick up truck, part of a metal roof, some wrenches I lost about ten years ago and a pair of high top shoes, (they were actually just the rubber soles as the uppers had rotted away. While we retrieved all these treasures, we did contribute to future mysteries when we lost a logging chain in the muck. We saw it go in, we fished around with our hands in the general area, but no logging chain did we find We decided to stop looking when we felt something that felt back). We rented the machine for the entire month, which we assumed was 30 days. Turns out a month to the rental company is four weeks which according to their calculations is 28 days. Yikes!!! How in the wide world of all things smooth are we going to level all this dirt? "Self," says I to me, "we need to invent a drag." I head to my handy dandy dump pile and pull out six old rubber tires and proceed to make a triangle, (3, 2, 1). I tie these together with old wire and run drywall screws through the tread into blocks of wood which are inside the tire. I tie one end of a logging chain, (not the one we lost) to the front of this triangle and then tie the other end to the back of the soon to be famous "Luv" machine. Now the moment of truth. I turn the ignition key, the motor barks to life with a symphony of cylinders. Gently, I ease the transmission into "drive" and with a certain amount of boldness, press the accelerator pedal. I aim the "Luv" machine toward a pile of dirt along side of one of the canals. The "Luv" machine grabs the pile of dirt and claws it's way to the top like an angry alligator attacking it's prey. Some quick heal toe action keeps me on top of the pile and out of the canal, (beer, I discover, is a big help in the decision process here). My drag is dragging behind me, chasing the "Luv" machine like a love sick bull chasing a cow during mating season, (let your imagination run wild here). It hits the dirt pile and explodes clods of black dirt in all directions, (yes, the "Luv" machine took some direct hits on the rear end). I continue down the side of the canal, hitting pile after pile, sending countless showers of black dirt in all directions. The "Luv" machine bucks like a wild mustang and I grip the steering wheel with bull dog tenacity to keep from being thrown. I reach the end of the canal and so turn around and hit the same piles again. Over and over, back and forth I go during the remainder of the afternoon. Bucking, jumping, motor roaring, tires spinning, drag bouncing and busting until finally - all is smooth. It looks like I had a crew of men out there with rakes. Once grass begins to grow, I could turn it into a golf course. After the final run I eased back toward the barn to call it a day and my mind drifted to the final scene in the movie "Rollerball." Organ music began to play, and hundreds, nay, thousands of voices filled my head: "Drag King! Drag King! Drag King! Drag King."