My tale of woe…pity party please

[John105]

I wish you were my brother, nice job!

I’ve done some expensive jobs DIY but failed on O2 sensors which the indie said I think you’d have a very hard time with these on your back in your driveway.

Then some folks here said we tend to beat ourselves up when we can’t do something but we shouldn’t.

So at least your sis and bro in law have you to asssist.

 

[meep]

kudos for the more than good deed! What year highlander is this? I see this a lot - where a “doer“ does stuff for another and then finds failed logic, or different values, with the other party. You are essentially working on the car so they can have something “really nice.” Sometimes we want them to have that really nice thing too, so we do it for them and everyone is in agreement. Sometimes we do it for them because they need the help and then go spend money on something we think is not as important, and we are left rethinking what we were really doing it for.

we have watched this with ourselves and other parents who’s kids have asked to come here and live for a short stint. They come over for a real issue, like campus closing for COVID, or a poor roommate situation but then decide it meets their “savings goals” to stay longer than COVID or logistics requires... sort of… their intention changes with the situation while we still remember the initial agreement. And there could be some flexibility, grace, involved as well depending on how it’s all going. At the end of it all, it’s almost like loaning someone money - do you *expect* to get it back from them?

I ask myself:
- do I enjoy the activity,
- is it worth my time,
- do I deep within expect anything in return,
- if I am “paying it forward, is this deed likely to be paid forward by them?
- am I doing this because of what I will get, or because of who I am?

sometimes the answers reveal that I might want something or have an expectation, and that helps me make my decision.

At the end of the day, you don’t seem to have regrets. It sounds like it’s in your nature to give help using your talents and time, tremendously. That is a wonderful thing! If there’s any heartburn at all, future decisions may be to develop discernment on who do you help and how far to go for them. Or, is it a good mentoring opportunity!

 

[UncleDave]

Are you sure that isn't my sisters car?

 

[KrisZ]

Good job, it is what it is. Some jobs are easy and some are hard.
You helped your family out and I hope they appreciate it.

Personally I would've left the bent oil pan alone, unless it started leaking.

 

[wpod]

I will now just buy a new car.

 

[dave940]

For many of us, that's easier said than done.

 

[Paco Pena]

Had to put new lower control arms on my sisters Highlander last weekend. Finshed the job this weekend. Interspersed with having the half shaft come apart at the transmission (was able to get it back together, added grease, replaced clamp, hoping for the best) and having to replace the oil pan (had to lift engine to remove mounts to get to control arm bolts, oil pan freakin bent) it was a great time. I forgot to mention having to sawzall ball joints apart because the nuts were totally rust. All of this in the cold with snow. Finishing up with new rear (transverse V6) valve cover gasket tomorrow. It should be illegal to have this much fun. Thing has 250k on it (it used to be my moms), they need a new car. Brother in law wants to wait a while longer so he can get something “brand new and really nice.”. When I got air plenum off today to start on rear valve cover gasket I noticed high pressure p/s hose starting to weep. Additionally, timing belt interval is coming up in 6k miles and tires are cupped as heck. I’m just doing this to get it past inspection (failed for control arm bushings and leaky gasket dripping onto exhaust) to buy them some time. Book time for new control arms is 13 hours (book says “remove engine and transmission” as step one), so clearly Im saving them a ton of $$. Just frustrating to see them spend their money on other crap when this car is totally at the end of its rope. Anyway, rant over. Hope anyone working on their cars on the east coast these past couple of weekends is doing it in a garage.

No good deed goes unpunished. Been there done that helping friends on driveway projects.

Paco

 

[02SE]

When I was a Mechanic apprentice, the mechanic I was working for told me that if you do a job for someone for free, in the recipients mind that is exactly what the job was worth. Despite that, I still did some work for family and friends for free, until it became clear I was just a sucker, and being used. Eventually, the only work I did was for my parents, and I'd assist a select few friends.

The deadbeats who had taken advantage of me, had to find someone else to do the work for the going rate, or learn to do it themselves.

 

[Cujet]

Wow quite a story. This is why I now live in Florida

 

[The Critic]

When I was a Mechanic apprentice, the mechanic I was working for told me that if you do a job for someone for free, in the recipients mind that is exactly what the job was worth. Despite that, I still did some work for family and friends for free, until it became clear I was just a sucker, and being used. Eventually, the only work I did was for my parents, and I'd assist a select few friends.

The deadbeats who had taken advantage of me, had to find someone else to do the work for the going rate, or learn to do it themselves.

This is more/less what my wife continues to tell me, but I don’t listen.

 

[02SE]

This is more/less what my wife continues to tell me, but I don’t listen.

I know I'm older than you, so give it time. IF there are people taking advantage of you, eventually you'll likely tire of it.

 

[John105]

This is more/less what my wife continues to tell me, but I don’t listen.

I think there’s a tendency for people in general to think that if you help them with something personally, that you do professionally, it’s not a big deal. Meaning somehow it’s like lifting your pinkie and voila! But it’s not.

Once I found myself deeply into a car wash security, pos, and guest network system. And I was thinking this is very odd indeed. At that point I may as well been an independent contractor and billing hours

 

[ecotourist]

Helping somebody is different from doing the job for them. If I have time (and I do now that I'm retired) I'll help anybody do anything I know how to do.

 

[350Rocket]

Those things used to sag so bad in the back. I dont know what the heck they were doing when they designed rear suspension.

Our local rust check owns one of those and it apparently had something like 800k miles on it. But it's mostly retired now I think. They only take it to the odd car show, where you used to see it drive around all the time. They also have an 88 blazer. Both kept rust proofed since new and in great shape.

 

[CapitalTruck]

At the end of the day its hard to watch a loved one suffer even if it’s of their own doing. I guess most of our problems are our own doing. I cant have my sis driving in a “rejected” car because her husband is on a different page. I think I’ve convinced her to just say the heck with it and buy a used Highlander in a couple of month. I told her if she gets one even with 75k on it theres a good 100k left in it. I’m pushing her to carfax one owner no damage.

 

[CapitalTruck]

Good job, it is what it is. Some jobs are easy and some are hard.
You helped your family out and I hope they appreciate it.

Personally I would've left the bent oil pan alone, unless it started leaking.

I just wasnt sure where the pickup was in the pan.

 

[JimPghPA]

Good job, it is what it is. Some jobs are easy and some are hard.
You helped your family out and I hope they appreciate it.

Personally I would've left the bent oil pan alone, unless it started leaking.

Sometimes if you've moved the bottom of a section of the oil pan upward you might be blocking the oil pickup. You might find that out when the engine blows up. If it looks questionable it's best to replace it before you start it.

 

[wtd]

When I was a Mechanic apprentice, the mechanic I was working for told me that if you do a job for someone for free, in the recipients mind that is exactly what the job was worth. Despite that, I still did some work for family and friends for free, until it became clear I was just a sucker, and being used. Eventually, the only work I did was for my parents, and I'd assist a select few friends.

The deadbeats who had taken advantage of me, had to find someone else to do the work for the going rate, or learn to do it themselves.

I'm sure this is exactly how my fiancé's younger son thinks. Any time he has a problem with his vehicle he either calls for help if it doesn't run or drops it off at the house if it does and grabs the truck and expects someone to fix his car. That someone usually is me.

Happened again the other day when his battery died and he called his grandpa to come give him a jump. Gets the car going and brings it to the house and gets the truck. I text him and ask him what is he going to do about the car and he says he doesn't know because he doesn't know what's wrong with it. I ended up going to get a battery for it and installing it in 20 degree weather.

Last week he brings the truck back that he has had for over a week because of the bad weather and tells us that the right side blinker doesn't work and the inside passenger door handle quit working. This is on the 97 GMC farm truck. I had already replaced the inside door handle last year and I guess his girlfriend somehow broke it again. That is not getting fixed for a while because of the cold weather.

Kid is 21 years old and helpless as can be. His girlfriend is also 21, doesn't have a job, a car, or even a driver's license.

I mainly fix this stuff for my fiancé and not for him. At least he always thanks me.

 

[GMBoy]

I felt the cold reading your post. I am from Maryland and have worked on the ground in snow. I live in Texas now and am older so fortunately no more of that for me. I never see rusted nuts out here like I did in MD from salt.

 

[Donald]

Had to put new lower control arms on my sisters Highlander last weekend. Finshed the job this weekend. Interspersed with having the half shaft come apart at the transmission (was able to get it back together, added grease, replaced clamp, hoping for the best) and having to replace the oil pan (had to lift engine to remove mounts to get to control arm bolts, oil pan freakin bent) it was a great time. I forgot to mention having to sawzall ball joints apart because the nuts were totally rust. All of this in the cold with snow. Finishing up with new rear (transverse V6) valve cover gasket tomorrow. It should be illegal to have this much fun. Thing has 250k on it (it used to be my moms), they need a new car. Brother in law wants to wait a while longer so he can get something “brand new and really nice.”. When I got air plenum off today to start on rear valve cover gasket I noticed high pressure p/s hose starting to weep. Additionally, timing belt interval is coming up in 6k miles and tires are cupped as heck. I’m just doing this to get it past inspection (failed for control arm bushings and leaky gasket dripping onto exhaust) to buy them some time. Book time for new control arms is 13 hours (book says “remove engine and transmission” as step one), so clearly Im saving them a ton of $$. Just frustrating to see them spend their money on other crap when this car is totally at the end of its rope. Anyway, rant over. Hope anyone working on their cars on the east coast these past couple of weekends is doing it in a garage. (edit - Mod).

A garage is a place to fill with tools, not store cars.