- Joined
- Jan 6, 2005
- Messages
- 10,327
Very sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad suddenly on June 4 1992. I think of him every day. Try to remember the good times you had together.
My dad died this morning
- Thread starter mechanicx
- Start date
- Status
I debated on writing this, as personal things I usually don't share. My grandmother fought lung cancer, stage 4, for a number of years. She never smoked in her life, but had grown up in West Virginia in a really old house with asbestos. She underwent over 90 radiation trips, chemotherapy, and had several stints with different hospitals, before finally giving in. I spent a great deal of time traveling to see her, every week taking her to chemo or doctor's visits and I was the last to be with her. At the hospital, I asked her if she was ready to go and she said yes. I took her hands and prayed for God to take her before the day was over. By 11PM that night, she took her last breath, with all of her family around her. My uncle, her only son, and I stayed with her after everyone else was gone, covered her body, and we had the funeral a week later.
10 months later, I got married. I missed my grandmother dearly - we had a special bond that makes me emotional even today, when thinking about it. At my wedding, I wanted to do something that remembered her and how she felt towards her family.
I wrote the following, in her point of view, and it was read at my wedding:
My Family. Those words have so much meaning for so many. In my case, it is the only thing I have had for all of my years. The only thing that I can cling to and hold on to with all of my strength.
The reason for all of this, of course, is my love for each of you. I would hope that you all know that I do love you and you were the reason I did the things I did in my life – the reason I was able to sacrifice all that I had to offer. Once I accepted what I knew to be true, I realized that I had not said those words often enough when you were all growing up.
My Family. Those last few years were especially hard on us all. Remember though that I needed to go through them. Remember that because of that time and those pains, I am walking the path that was set before me.
My Family. Do not only think of the good times. Think of the hard times too, because those were the times I loved and needed you even more.
My Family. I have seen each of you go through so much and I want to help, I want to tell you what it means to me, I want to say that you will be alright. Be assured that I am better now – all of life’s problems are gone. I am free of life’s pain. I can now go on and so can you. Enjoy the time you have and remember that every day is a precious one. You can be sure that now I am in the best place in order to witness today – in order to see all that is to come in each of your lives.
My Family. God has me in his keeping, but you have me in your heart.
mechanicx, hospice was called in for my grandmother, but we refused their help. They said she couldn't go to chemo or radiation, or do anything to help fight the cancer, in order to have their assistance. I have the same feelings as you.
I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard and I know it. Remember the good times and the wisdom given, the relationship you had, and you have alot of people here praying for you.
10 months later, I got married. I missed my grandmother dearly - we had a special bond that makes me emotional even today, when thinking about it. At my wedding, I wanted to do something that remembered her and how she felt towards her family.
I wrote the following, in her point of view, and it was read at my wedding:
My Family. Those words have so much meaning for so many. In my case, it is the only thing I have had for all of my years. The only thing that I can cling to and hold on to with all of my strength.
The reason for all of this, of course, is my love for each of you. I would hope that you all know that I do love you and you were the reason I did the things I did in my life – the reason I was able to sacrifice all that I had to offer. Once I accepted what I knew to be true, I realized that I had not said those words often enough when you were all growing up.
My Family. Those last few years were especially hard on us all. Remember though that I needed to go through them. Remember that because of that time and those pains, I am walking the path that was set before me.
My Family. Do not only think of the good times. Think of the hard times too, because those were the times I loved and needed you even more.
My Family. I have seen each of you go through so much and I want to help, I want to tell you what it means to me, I want to say that you will be alright. Be assured that I am better now – all of life’s problems are gone. I am free of life’s pain. I can now go on and so can you. Enjoy the time you have and remember that every day is a precious one. You can be sure that now I am in the best place in order to witness today – in order to see all that is to come in each of your lives.
My Family. God has me in his keeping, but you have me in your heart.
mechanicx, hospice was called in for my grandmother, but we refused their help. They said she couldn't go to chemo or radiation, or do anything to help fight the cancer, in order to have their assistance. I have the same feelings as you.
I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard and I know it. Remember the good times and the wisdom given, the relationship you had, and you have alot of people here praying for you.
My condolences for your loss. I lost my grandmother in Feb to lung cancer, and a host of other problems. The cancer manifested itself during a treatment for something totally different. My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in July, and is nearing the end rapidly. He does use hospice, since his doctor told him that chemo isnt helping anything and there is no point to continue it. He does take some medication from them and refuses others, as he beleives the same as you watching my grandmother go through it all. I will keep you in my thoughts my friend. This is certainly not easy to watch, he lives 9 hours away from me and I fear the next time I will see him, he wont be alive. I have however spent a great deal of time with him since his diagnosis and talk to him on the phone as much as possible.
Thanks Mike for your story. See this is what makes it worse than my Dad dying was what hospice did. I can't go into all the details. My dad had lung cancer diagnosised late spring and was not stage 4 when he died. He was completely lucid and relatively strong. His main complaint was an ocassional feeling of shortness of breath. However his oxygen level was normal and he was mobile without using a walker or oxygen.
He should've gotten surgery for the cancer but all he ended up getting was radiation treatment which did help but is not the cure that surgery is. His main problem he was anxious about what might happen and going through into the future.
What hospice did among other things is tell him he needed morphine for shortness of breath. Then they upped the dosing suddenly and drastically. While in a impaired state they told him he needs to go into a facilty for a short time for 5 days. Everyday they pressured him to go on medicaid to be able to pay the $6000+/month cost of a nursing home that Medicare and Anthem did not cover. Anyway, they take him to this facility and he is his same ol lucid self. I talk to him and my dad said they are going to keep him 5 more days to get Medicaid applied for.
I visited him Wednesday to have a nice conversation with him but they have him sedate and medicated near death, where his breathing has been slowed. You had to be there but it was clear they had started the process of terminating him. I could not arouse him he was lying there with his eyes open, but he was gone, and ocassionally gasped a breath and twitched I won't go into details.
They never told me what was going on and it was a complete surprise. They clearly euthanized him without his consent or control and terminated him at least months before his time.
I tried to help him, I tried to switch hospices and I tried to stop them from over medicating. My dad wouldn't listen. This hospice would not respect the families wishes, lied, manipulated, even made false accusations and in the end they cajoled him out of his house to terminate hime early.
Hospice many times terminates their patients who have many months to live decently. It's very common. They hide behind "we are just giving them comfort care and easing pain" even when there is no pain and claim the disease suddenly killed them. I believe there is financial incentive involved.
He should've gotten surgery for the cancer but all he ended up getting was radiation treatment which did help but is not the cure that surgery is. His main problem he was anxious about what might happen and going through into the future.
What hospice did among other things is tell him he needed morphine for shortness of breath. Then they upped the dosing suddenly and drastically. While in a impaired state they told him he needs to go into a facilty for a short time for 5 days. Everyday they pressured him to go on medicaid to be able to pay the $6000+/month cost of a nursing home that Medicare and Anthem did not cover. Anyway, they take him to this facility and he is his same ol lucid self. I talk to him and my dad said they are going to keep him 5 more days to get Medicaid applied for.
I visited him Wednesday to have a nice conversation with him but they have him sedate and medicated near death, where his breathing has been slowed. You had to be there but it was clear they had started the process of terminating him. I could not arouse him he was lying there with his eyes open, but he was gone, and ocassionally gasped a breath and twitched I won't go into details.
They never told me what was going on and it was a complete surprise. They clearly euthanized him without his consent or control and terminated him at least months before his time.
I tried to help him, I tried to switch hospices and I tried to stop them from over medicating. My dad wouldn't listen. This hospice would not respect the families wishes, lied, manipulated, even made false accusations and in the end they cajoled him out of his house to terminate hime early.
Hospice many times terminates their patients who have many months to live decently. It's very common. They hide behind "we are just giving them comfort care and easing pain" even when there is no pain and claim the disease suddenly killed them. I believe there is financial incentive involved.
Sorry to hear about your dad being in a similar situation. Lung cancer can vary in how advanced it is when diagnosised and how fast it progresses, some people live a few years and others a few months. I hope you and your father are able to make the best of this time.
Originally Posted By: mechanicx
Thanks Mike for your story. See this is what makes it worse than my Dad dying was what hospice did. I can't go into all the details. My dad had lung cancer diagnosised late spring and was not stage 4 when he died. He was completely lucid and relatively strong. His main complaint was an ocassional feeling of shortness of breath. However his oxygen level was normal and he was mobile without using a walker or oxygen.
He should've gotten surgery for the cancer but all he ended up getting was radiation treatment which did help but is not the cure that surgery is. His main problem he was anxious about what might happen and going through into the future.
What hospice did among other things is tell him he needed morphine for shortness of breath. Then they upped the dosing suddenly and drastically. While in a impaired state they told him he needs to go into a facilty for a short time for 5 days. Everyday they pressured him to go on medicaid to be able to pay the $6000+/month cost of a nursing home that Medicare and Anthem did not cover. Anyway, they take him to this facility and he is his same ol lucid self. I talk to him and my dad said they are going to keep him 5 more days to get Medicaid applied for.
I visited him Wednesday to have a nice conversation with him but they have him sedate and medicated near death, where his breathing has been slowed. You had to be there but it was clear they had started the process of terminating him. I could not arouse him he was lying there with his eyes open, but he was gone, and ocassionally gasped a breath and twitched I won't go into details.
They never told me what was going on and it was a complete surprise. They clearly euthanized him without his consent or control and terminated him at least months before his time.
I tried to help him, I tried to switch hospices and I tried to stop them from over medicating. My dad wouldn't listen. This hospice would not respect the families wishes, lied, manipulated, even made false accusations and in the end they cajoled him out of his house to terminate hime early.
Hospice many times terminates their patients who have many months to live decently. It's very common. They hide behind "we are just giving them comfort care and easing pain" even when there is no pain and claim the disease suddenly killed them. I believe there is financial incentive involved.
Uumm....isn't the more common term for this 'murder'?
Thanks Mike for your story. See this is what makes it worse than my Dad dying was what hospice did. I can't go into all the details. My dad had lung cancer diagnosised late spring and was not stage 4 when he died. He was completely lucid and relatively strong. His main complaint was an ocassional feeling of shortness of breath. However his oxygen level was normal and he was mobile without using a walker or oxygen.
He should've gotten surgery for the cancer but all he ended up getting was radiation treatment which did help but is not the cure that surgery is. His main problem he was anxious about what might happen and going through into the future.
What hospice did among other things is tell him he needed morphine for shortness of breath. Then they upped the dosing suddenly and drastically. While in a impaired state they told him he needs to go into a facilty for a short time for 5 days. Everyday they pressured him to go on medicaid to be able to pay the $6000+/month cost of a nursing home that Medicare and Anthem did not cover. Anyway, they take him to this facility and he is his same ol lucid self. I talk to him and my dad said they are going to keep him 5 more days to get Medicaid applied for.
I visited him Wednesday to have a nice conversation with him but they have him sedate and medicated near death, where his breathing has been slowed. You had to be there but it was clear they had started the process of terminating him. I could not arouse him he was lying there with his eyes open, but he was gone, and ocassionally gasped a breath and twitched I won't go into details.
They never told me what was going on and it was a complete surprise. They clearly euthanized him without his consent or control and terminated him at least months before his time.
I tried to help him, I tried to switch hospices and I tried to stop them from over medicating. My dad wouldn't listen. This hospice would not respect the families wishes, lied, manipulated, even made false accusations and in the end they cajoled him out of his house to terminate hime early.
Hospice many times terminates their patients who have many months to live decently. It's very common. They hide behind "we are just giving them comfort care and easing pain" even when there is no pain and claim the disease suddenly killed them. I believe there is financial incentive involved.
Uumm....isn't the more common term for this 'murder'?
Addguy, it's the way that most of the cancer sufferers that I've known have passed on. Basically extreme levels of pain medication until they suffer respiratory failure.
MIL's case, the pain was excruciating, and the levels of morphine required for the pain was beyond that which she could function...then towards the end, she was virtually sweating morphine. Former Boss' wife, they started the extreme meds when she self admitted for (admittedly) a couple of busted ribs. He dragged her out, and she had nearly another year with her family.
If they control the day that children come into the world to suit resourcing, holidays etc., why is the end different ?
MIL's case, the pain was excruciating, and the levels of morphine required for the pain was beyond that which she could function...then towards the end, she was virtually sweating morphine. Former Boss' wife, they started the extreme meds when she self admitted for (admittedly) a couple of busted ribs. He dragged her out, and she had nearly another year with her family.
If they control the day that children come into the world to suit resourcing, holidays etc., why is the end different ?
My dad died in '07. My surgeon told me that the lump in my right breast started growing about the same time. I still miss him, but the emptiness has subsided gradually.
Seek solace in your family. They will give you the strength to carry on.
Seek solace in your family. They will give you the strength to carry on.
Just wanted to add my sincerest sympathy and condolances along with the other members here. My Father died from cancer 13 years ago, and I too did not get to say "Good Bye" to Him before He went into a coma. I sat and watched Him die. Somehow I think He was able to know that I was there, as did your Father know that He was not alone. I empathize with You greatly.
Sorry dude.
Originally Posted By: mechanicx
Thanks Mike for your story.
Thanks to all of you who have gone to what has probably been unusual effort to share. It has been quite moving...
Thanks Mike for your story.
Thanks to all of you who have gone to what has probably been unusual effort to share. It has been quite moving...
i'm sorry for your loss. we watched my wife's uncle die of lung cancer in december. I still remember as a little boy how i was afraid of kissing my grandad's 2nd wife on her death bed because she was emaciated from pancreatic cancer. I wish I'd become a scientist to solve concer instead of digging holes all day and filling them back in.
- Status
Similar threads
