I'll attempt to keep this short and to the point, including only as much background info as necessary.
The backstory:
My fiancee left me in March after I found out that she had cheated on me. She moved out citing that she "just needed a couple of months alone and not in any relationship to figure out what she wanted in life". I guess she misspoke and must have ment a couple of weeks since 2 weeks after moving into an apartment she got hooked up with a recently divorced (actually was still married at the time with the divorce proceedings in their final few steps) 28 y.o. with 3 kids who he has custody of.
I predicted that by August she would have moved in with him since her student loans would be coming due and her job wouldn't allow her to handle all of her bills on top of her student loans. I was right she moved in with him the 2nd week of Aug. (To clarify, this is not the same guy she cheated on me with, he was simply one of the other predators waiting in the wings to snatch her up when the opportunity arrose).
It wasn't a messy breakup and things went pretty cordial but I am still ****** at her for how she ended everything, taking the easy way out of "I cheated, I should leave" despite the fact I was willing to work things out with her.
She addmitted to being an idiot and letting this first guy (whom she knew from back in junior high) weasel his way into her pants... To which I replied "And you're not being an idiot now hooking up with this 28 y.o. with a truckload of baggage? If I had some good looking woman 4 years my junior who was willing to hop in the sack with me (which she initiated not him) after just getting out of a messy 8 year marriage I'd be spouting all kinds of b.s. just to keep her around."
On a side note, I'm still good friends with her sister (who is 40). I've always been close to her sister and keep in touch with her still (calling about once a month) to see how her husband, who has MS and is now in a nursing home, is holding out.
Half of her family has practially disowned her and the rest of them think she's an idiot.
Her sister told me that she had brought down the first guy to meet her family (the one she was cheating on me with for a month behind my back) about 3 weeks before she told me she was moving out or gave me any clue something was amiss. He sis and mother were ****** about that telling her "You've got some nerve bringing this guy down here and you haven't even told Scott that you're considering leaving him."
I'm still welcome for family gatherings and holidays with the ex's family and was invited to come down for Christmas... Interestingly enough the ex is not invited.
Cut to last night and today:
I was out with Nate, one of my buddies from work, last night and the 2nd bar we went into... walked in the door and there she was with her sister setting at the first table. Then her boyfriend came up to the table with drinks for the 3 of them.
Nate and I looked at eachother. My ex said, "Wow, you look great. You certainly look like you've lost even more weight." (I was 210lbs when she left I'm now down to 202lbs and lost a lot of it in my face and through what once was my beer belly). Nate and I again looked at eachother. And I said "Well I think we're going to leave." Which we did.
About 10 minutes later from another bar, I called her cell phone and apologized to her and asked her to apologize to her sister and boyfriend for our quick and seemingly rude departure. I told her that I just thought it best that I be an adult and remove myself from what could potentially exposive situation. She replied "That's too bad, we were going to ask you guys to set down and have a beer with us.", to which I replied, "I don't think that would have been a good idea. I mean what am I going to say to your boyfriend... Hey so how are you liking what I once had. Everything working out okay for you there."
Later in the evening I sent a text message apologizing for if I ruined their evening by happening into the same bar as they were in and simply stated that my evening after that was pretty much a downer.
I checked my messages at 1pm today as I was getting ready for work and there was a message from her boyfriend at 5:30am threatening to put me into the hospital if I ever had any contact with her again... telling me that she is sick of my nonsense and wants nothing to do with me. I'd transcribe it but, its littered with profanity.
This is despite the fact that she typically calls me about once every 6 weeks just to say hi and see how I'm doing and the only times I've called her in the past 3 months were to tell "Hey your car registration ended up at my place I'll leave it in the garage for you to pick up." Or "Hey this bill for you came here, its in the garage. Come pick it up."
So I called the cops and filed a police report. No charges filed, just a complaint on record so that if he pulls this again I can nail him to the wall... since his threats constitute assault under Iowa law and include an increased penalty to a aggrivated misdemeanor because of my profession (correctional officer).
I then called in sick to work today explaining the whole situation and that I was still upset and very angry and that "I didn't want to come in to work and end up doing something stupid." My Captain was very understanding and has even suggested me taking some stress leave.
I might, but probably won't. I'm just a bit angry right now. For about an hour after I finished with the police report my hands were still trembling because of the adrenaline and anger in my system.
You don't threaten me with severe bodily harm/death and not suffer any legal reprocussions. I've recorded the answering machine message onto my cell phone and transfered it over to my computer where I cleaned up the background noise with an audio editor so that its crystal clear what he is saying and then burned it to CD.
Next step... file restraining order this coming Tuesday against both of them.
Step after that... wait for him to violate it, because it seems like the type that will. In fact I wouldn't doubt that the being served with the restraining order itself is enough to set him over the edge to come after me. Which if it happens, hey more power to him. I won't mind seeing him serve some prison time (remember the enhanced penalties factor).
So anything you guys would suggest I do besides what I've already outlined? Anything that I've done that's "crossed the line" enough to warrant his death threats to me?
The backstory:
My fiancee left me in March after I found out that she had cheated on me. She moved out citing that she "just needed a couple of months alone and not in any relationship to figure out what she wanted in life". I guess she misspoke and must have ment a couple of weeks since 2 weeks after moving into an apartment she got hooked up with a recently divorced (actually was still married at the time with the divorce proceedings in their final few steps) 28 y.o. with 3 kids who he has custody of.
I predicted that by August she would have moved in with him since her student loans would be coming due and her job wouldn't allow her to handle all of her bills on top of her student loans. I was right she moved in with him the 2nd week of Aug. (To clarify, this is not the same guy she cheated on me with, he was simply one of the other predators waiting in the wings to snatch her up when the opportunity arrose).
It wasn't a messy breakup and things went pretty cordial but I am still ****** at her for how she ended everything, taking the easy way out of "I cheated, I should leave" despite the fact I was willing to work things out with her.
She addmitted to being an idiot and letting this first guy (whom she knew from back in junior high) weasel his way into her pants... To which I replied "And you're not being an idiot now hooking up with this 28 y.o. with a truckload of baggage? If I had some good looking woman 4 years my junior who was willing to hop in the sack with me (which she initiated not him) after just getting out of a messy 8 year marriage I'd be spouting all kinds of b.s. just to keep her around."
On a side note, I'm still good friends with her sister (who is 40). I've always been close to her sister and keep in touch with her still (calling about once a month) to see how her husband, who has MS and is now in a nursing home, is holding out.
Half of her family has practially disowned her and the rest of them think she's an idiot.
Her sister told me that she had brought down the first guy to meet her family (the one she was cheating on me with for a month behind my back) about 3 weeks before she told me she was moving out or gave me any clue something was amiss. He sis and mother were ****** about that telling her "You've got some nerve bringing this guy down here and you haven't even told Scott that you're considering leaving him."
I'm still welcome for family gatherings and holidays with the ex's family and was invited to come down for Christmas... Interestingly enough the ex is not invited.
Cut to last night and today:
I was out with Nate, one of my buddies from work, last night and the 2nd bar we went into... walked in the door and there she was with her sister setting at the first table. Then her boyfriend came up to the table with drinks for the 3 of them.
Nate and I looked at eachother. My ex said, "Wow, you look great. You certainly look like you've lost even more weight." (I was 210lbs when she left I'm now down to 202lbs and lost a lot of it in my face and through what once was my beer belly). Nate and I again looked at eachother. And I said "Well I think we're going to leave." Which we did.
About 10 minutes later from another bar, I called her cell phone and apologized to her and asked her to apologize to her sister and boyfriend for our quick and seemingly rude departure. I told her that I just thought it best that I be an adult and remove myself from what could potentially exposive situation. She replied "That's too bad, we were going to ask you guys to set down and have a beer with us.", to which I replied, "I don't think that would have been a good idea. I mean what am I going to say to your boyfriend... Hey so how are you liking what I once had. Everything working out okay for you there."
Later in the evening I sent a text message apologizing for if I ruined their evening by happening into the same bar as they were in and simply stated that my evening after that was pretty much a downer.
I checked my messages at 1pm today as I was getting ready for work and there was a message from her boyfriend at 5:30am threatening to put me into the hospital if I ever had any contact with her again... telling me that she is sick of my nonsense and wants nothing to do with me. I'd transcribe it but, its littered with profanity.
This is despite the fact that she typically calls me about once every 6 weeks just to say hi and see how I'm doing and the only times I've called her in the past 3 months were to tell "Hey your car registration ended up at my place I'll leave it in the garage for you to pick up." Or "Hey this bill for you came here, its in the garage. Come pick it up."
So I called the cops and filed a police report. No charges filed, just a complaint on record so that if he pulls this again I can nail him to the wall... since his threats constitute assault under Iowa law and include an increased penalty to a aggrivated misdemeanor because of my profession (correctional officer).
I then called in sick to work today explaining the whole situation and that I was still upset and very angry and that "I didn't want to come in to work and end up doing something stupid." My Captain was very understanding and has even suggested me taking some stress leave.
I might, but probably won't. I'm just a bit angry right now. For about an hour after I finished with the police report my hands were still trembling because of the adrenaline and anger in my system.
You don't threaten me with severe bodily harm/death and not suffer any legal reprocussions. I've recorded the answering machine message onto my cell phone and transfered it over to my computer where I cleaned up the background noise with an audio editor so that its crystal clear what he is saying and then burned it to CD.
Next step... file restraining order this coming Tuesday against both of them.
Step after that... wait for him to violate it, because it seems like the type that will. In fact I wouldn't doubt that the being served with the restraining order itself is enough to set him over the edge to come after me. Which if it happens, hey more power to him. I won't mind seeing him serve some prison time (remember the enhanced penalties factor).
So anything you guys would suggest I do besides what I've already outlined? Anything that I've done that's "crossed the line" enough to warrant his death threats to me?
