How does one vanish from society?

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Parents’ friends’ son disappeared without a trace in San Francisco.

Had a wife, kids, high paying tech job. Left for work on BART and never heard from again. Parents were wealthy and spent hundreds of thousands on private detectives who chased leads, all of which went cold.

Since this was early 2000’s probably way less technology than today.

I saw the parents’ in 2012 at a wedding in San Francisco and I said oh you had a co with my dad, it was called Abacus. He was shocked. I have a way of doing that for some reason I remember details from many years ago (but I forgot my E-ZPass tag an $18 mistake this AM). That was in their MIT days in Boston. I of course did not ask about the son.
 
I used to do repossessions and skip tracing in my previous life. Even in the 90's and early 2000's it was pretty difficult to disappear to a point where we couldnt find someone within a few days of effort, even with what little internet we had. In todays world, its even more difficult, but there are ways. Unfortunately, suicide was usually the scenario that was hardest to track because if there is no funeral or suspected foul play, there usually isnt an obit and very little if any police involvement. Phones numbers get disconnected, property gets foreclosed, car gets picked up abandoned, and the trail goes quiet very quickly. People who moved overseas and didnt use credit cards was the next most difficult.

"Having some personal things to deal with" is a very haunting statement.

My sister's ex disappeared on us a few years ago. Great guy, good job, super smart, fun to be around. I knew him from childhood and my wife and I were talking to him frequently after the divorce and making plans to come to his new place on the Florida east coast and do some diving with him. Trying to set up dates, we were going to stay at his place, it was going to be an epic trip, he was acting genuinely excited about hosting us, but...... he had "a few things to get done first", then his time would free up and we could solidify the dates.

Then.... silence. Phone suddenly was disconnected, his family hadnt heard from him in about a week, no new Facebook posts, wouldnt reply to emails, his work hadnt heard from him, his apartment neighbors said they saw him loading stuff like he was moving out. Silence....went on for days and days. Finally made the drive and went to his apartment and after no answer called the police who had the manager unlock the door. Apartment completely empty, nothing at all. But, there was an odor..... found him, in the back bathroom, laying in the bathtub, with a pistol on the floor next to him. Police suspected he had only been there a day or so like that. If he had done this out in the wilderness somewhere or at one of his favorite diving spots, chances are we never would have found him.
 
RedSpider said:
I used to do repossessions and skip tracing in my previous life. Even in the 90's and early 2000's it was pretty difficult to disappear to a point where we couldnt find someone within a few days of effort, even with what little internet we had. In todays world, its even more difficult, but there are ways. Unfortunately, suicide was usually the scenario that was hardest to track because if there is no funeral or suspected foul play, there usually isnt an obit and very little if any police involvement. Phones numbers get disconnected, property gets foreclosed, car gets picked up abandoned, and the trail goes quiet very quickly. People who moved overseas and didnt use credit cards was the next most difficult.

"Having some personal things to deal with" is a very haunting statement.

My sister's ex disappeared on us a few years ago. Great guy, good job, super smart, fun to be around. I knew him from childhood and my wife and I were talking to him frequently after the divorce and making plans to come to his new place on the Florida east coast and do some diving with him. Trying to set up dates, we were going to stay at his place, it was going to be an epic trip, he was acting genuinely excited about hosting us, but...... he had "a few things to get done first", then his time would free up and we could solidify the dates.

Then.... silence. Phone suddenly was disconnected, his family hadnt heard from him in about a week, no new Facebook posts, wouldnt reply to emails, his work hadnt heard from him, his apartment neighbors said they saw him loading stuff like he was moving out. Silence....went on for days and days. Finally made the drive and went to his apartment and after no answer called the police who had the manager unlock the door. Apartment completely empty, nothing at all. But, there was an odor..... found him, in the back bathroom, laying in the bathtub, with a pistol on the floor next to him. Police suspected he had only been there a day or so like that. If he had done this out in the wilderness somewhere or at one of his favorite diving spots, chances are we never would have found him.
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What a sad story.

You never know what’s going on inside a person versus how we perceive them.

Some people hurt really bad and feel all hope is gone.

RIP.
 
Uncommon name?

DO a search using quotes. Such as = "the name of the person in quotes" and then the last known location. All kinds of variations of anything you can think of.

If you have a photo, this is a long shot but you can do a google image search. Mostly only known people will have a result.
 
wavinwayne said:
If you google my full name in quotes: "wavinwayne's actual name", you get zero results. So I guess I don't exist.
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I occasionally regret using my real last name in my username on all the forums I frequent, but it’s something I did way before many people worried about such things. One former high school classmate deduced who I was from a few posts on a tractor forum of all places.

On the upside, the data that criminals really want about me isn’t what I say on hobby forums. It’s the stuff that is supposedly secure. Knowing what car I drive or how much oil I’ve hoarded probably doesn’t interest the Chinese government all that much,
 
Snagglefoot said:
I would open a Swiss Bank account and start loading it with cash. Purchase a one way plane ticket to Hong Kong. Carry several thousand in cash. When you get there purchase a ticket to Bangkok with cash. Open a Thai bank account, Go south out of Bangkok by bus. Get a place on the beach at a cheaper resort. Lay low.
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Even that may not hide you. Dateline just had a special where a cyclocross rider was killed a few years ago by her boyfriend's ex girlfriend.They knew the killer went to Mexico and had plastic surgery performed. US marshals, and the local police looked for her for two weeks and nada. They then went to a town known for Americans and placed an advertisement for a yoga instructor and nabbed her.
 
Elkins45 said:
I occasionally regret using my real last name in my username on all the forums I frequent, but it’s something I did way before many people worried about such things. One former high school classmate deduced who I was from a few posts on a tractor forum of all places.

On the upside, the data that criminals really want about me isn’t what I say on hobby forums. It’s the stuff that is supposedly secure. Knowing what car I drive or how much oil I’ve hoarded probably doesn’t interest the Chinese government all that much,
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Interesting that your last name is a two-digit number….🙂

I know what you mean. Our society has gotten to the point where I could say, “Well I had a dispute at CVS this morning and shouted at the pharmacist,” and next thing you know, banging on the door…
 
97prizm said:
Even that may not hide you. Dateline just had a special where a cyclocross rider was killed a few years ago by her boyfriend's ex girlfriend.They knew the killer went to Mexico and had plastic surgery performed. US marshals, and the local police looked for her for two weeks and nada. They then went to a town known for Americans and placed an advertisement for a yoga instructor and nabbed her.
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She didn’t lay low so she outed herself.
 
97prizm said:
Even that may not hide you. Dateline just had a special where a cyclocross rider was killed a few years ago by her boyfriend's ex girlfriend.They knew the killer went to Mexico and had plastic surgery performed. US marshals, and the local police looked for her for two weeks and nada. They then went to a town known for Americans and placed an advertisement for a yoga instructor and nabbed her.
Click to expand...

That murder happened in Austin and crazy woman was trying to hide.

Are women that desperate to kill for a guy…. ?
 
Get off social media, get rid of cell phone, work misc jobs for cash under the table, not that hard to disappear. Plenty of slumlords that will rent without checking an ID. 99.9% of Americans couldn’t handle 1 day without the comfort social media brings them so they can’t comprehend how someone could just “disappear” without saying anything.
 
Within the US is probably pretty hard. Internationally, there are probably ways if you don't mind blending into the 3rd world and pay cash for everything to lay low.

Whitey Bulger was laying low for a LONG time, paying cash for everything, in the US. Imagine if you are in a 3rd world country instead, or pay to stay under a cartel protection in their turf.

Maybe he changed name, maybe he is just using someone else's identity?
 
PandaBear said:
Within the US is probably pretty hard. Internationally, there are probably ways if you don't mind blending into the 3rd world and pay cash for everything to lay low.

Whitey Bulger was laying low for a LONG time, paying cash for everything, in the US. Imagine if you are in a 3rd world country instead, or pay to stay under a cartel protection in their turf.

Maybe he changed name, maybe he is just using someone else's identity?
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Your comment made me remember one time when I was in Mexico, and a really tall, scraggly, old, white bearded white guy pulled up in an old CJ to get coffee. My first thought was "What did he run away to hide from!"

Doubt he would be getting coffee at a coffee bar in a Puerto Vallarta if he was really hiding, I guess.....
 
svtrit said:
Your comment made me remember one time when I was in Mexico, and a really tall, scraggly, old, white bearded white guy pulled up in an old CJ to get coffee. My first thought was "What did he run away to hide from!"

Doubt he would be getting coffee at a coffee bar in a Puerto Vallarta if he was really hiding, I guess.....
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Alimony and child support
 
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