No! the last 1s over the top (well under the gutter) KGM
How Dad Are You?
- Thread starter john_pifer
- Start date
This one is getting used on my wife
Death wish
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2011
- Messages
- 5,052
I use that one all the time?
I like to live dangerously from time to time!Death wish
"C'mon buddy, it ain't gonna get any greener!"
- muttered aloud on the occassion of being behind a stationary car after the light has turned green
- muttered aloud on the occassion of being behind a stationary car after the light has turned green
amputation, check
falling in, check
other right, check
mine next, check
not going that way, check
wife: look, horses
todays rain is tomorrows beer, check
In my language, "hi" phonetically means shark so a hi gets "goldfish" as response.
I took my kids to Costco once when they were younger and they had several people refolding clothes. I told one lady she could put my kids to work for her while I was shopping if she gave them a professional clothes folding lesson. They thought that was hilarious.... Not!
100%, and HUGE dad joke fan.
Another one I remember was when my uncle would come visit, at some point he would hold out his hand and say "pull my finger", so I pulled and he would let out a loud fart, ah, what a childhood I had.
- "If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?" "Pilgrims."
- "I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along."
check!
any corn (short for "corn pone") or corny jokes can be dadtastic...
We say them w/straight face, look into the child's eyes and when we see their brain catch gear, turn away
and go on about our/your business...
No gears turning? Dont explain till days later. Hold them down'n tickle simeltaniously (if still pre-hi or middle skol). If
older a hand on the neck, shoulder or arm & use same expression as used telling "the joke" (in quotes cuz it aint. It's CORN).
8^ )
Jokes R what U tell in bar or garage. Can't say them in fronta da kid
We say them w/straight face, look into the child's eyes and when we see their brain catch gear, turn away
and go on about our/your business...
No gears turning? Dont explain till days later. Hold them down'n tickle simeltaniously (if still pre-hi or middle skol). If
older a hand on the neck, shoulder or arm & use same expression as used telling "the joke" (in quotes cuz it aint. It's CORN).
8^ )
Jokes R what U tell in bar or garage. Can't say them in fronta da kid
When my son was 11 he was in the back seat while I was driving. He says Hey, Dad. Wanna hear a dirty joke? I said sure. He tells the joke. I don't remember what it was but it was pretty racey for an 11 year old. So...
Not sure what I was thinking but then I said do you want to hear one? He says sure. The first one that popped into my mind was this: What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine. He didn't know so I tell him... The washing machine doesn't follow you around after you drop a load in it. I look in the rearview mirror because I don't hear anything and he's doubled over, hysterical laughing. Now I'm wishing I hadn't said that but you can't put the genie back in the bottle.
I have to say, my son is 18 now and he's one of the funniest people I know. 99% of our jokes go over my wife's head. It's especially fun when he drops a one liner at the table and I try so hard not to laugh and that just makes it worse. My wife gets so mad at us.
Not sure what I was thinking but then I said do you want to hear one? He says sure. The first one that popped into my mind was this: What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine. He didn't know so I tell him... The washing machine doesn't follow you around after you drop a load in it. I look in the rearview mirror because I don't hear anything and he's doubled over, hysterical laughing. Now I'm wishing I hadn't said that but you can't put the genie back in the bottle.
I have to say, my son is 18 now and he's one of the funniest people I know. 99% of our jokes go over my wife's head. It's especially fun when he drops a one liner at the table and I try so hard not to laugh and that just makes it worse. My wife gets so mad at us.
