Helicopter parents

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This article points to a central controversy about what our childrens' future will be. Will our children be trained to be happy on a leash or will they be taught to choose for themselves and face the consequences thereof.
Dan

I spy with my little cellphone

By AMAN BATHEJA
STAR-TELEGRAM STAFF WRITER

Helicopter parents.

It's the scornful label some give to parents who seem to hover over their kids, unwilling to trust them to handle even the simplest situation on their own.

But in the age of GPS, parents no longer need to do the hovering themselves. Parents can be nosier than they ever thought possible, for a price.

Helicopter parents, meet satellite parents.

What were once the tracking tools of spies and private investigators are now being offered to mainstream America, specifically parents who want to keep constant track of their kids in real time. Already, millions of families have discovered the meddlesome capabilities of their children's mobile phones.

When looking after his 11-year-old great-grandson, Harrell Malone of Fort Worth finds it helpful that the boy has a cellphone. "When he's allowed to go somewhere, he has to check in," Malone said. "It provides a longer leash."

Several cellphone companies are beginning to promote their handsets' GPS tracking capabilities.

The most aggressive has been Disney, whose cellphone service, Disney Mobile, debuted in June. The phones' Family Locator feature allows parents to see, via their own phone or a password-protected Web site, the location of their child's phone on a map. The service allows five free Family Locator requests per month, with additional requests costing 49 cents each.

Disney Mobile uses Sprint's wireless network, and Sprint sells the same Family Locator service on its phones. This year, Verizon began offering Chaperone, a tracking service for $9.99 a month that works on its LG Migo phones for kids.

The systems aren't foolproof. Kids can turn off their phones or leave them where their parents expect them to be and go somewhere else.

Daniel Sui, a geography professor at Texas A&M University, has studied the ethical implications of GPS tracking. He said he expects many parents to be enticed by such services. The danger is if someone else gains access to the information, such as by stealing a parent's cellphone or learning the password to the tracking site, he said.

Nonetheless, companies see a large market for parents interested in checking the exact whereabouts of their kids at any time, said Britt Beemer, chairman of America's Research Group. "Parents are willing to pay a premium for more control," Beemer said.

But high-tech child surveillance goes beyond cellphones.

Spy Supply in North Richland Hills specializes in selling night-vision goggles and hidden security cameras.

Since the store opened, nearly five years ago, it has also sold GPS vehicle-tracking equipment, founder Mike Wilcher said. The main customers have traditionally been companies wanting to keep track of a fleet of vehicles. Wilcher said that in the past year, he's seen a dramatic increase in the number of parents purchasing the devices to track their kids.

"It's price-driven, and I would say that's the No. 1 factor," Wilcher said. "What used to be $4,000 can now be obtained for as little as $600 or $700."

That amount will get you a live tracking device that can be covertly attached to a vehicle. Parents can check online or, depending on the product, even by cellphone to see where the car is, Wilcher said. Some devices can also alert parents if a vehicle travels too far or too fast. If, say, it exceeds 65 mph at night or leaves Tarrant County, the parent can be notified instantly by mobile text message or e-mail. Such devices usually come with a monthly fee.

Parents who are more price-conscious or perhaps less protective can purchase logging devices. Usually costing less than $400, they record where a vehicle goes but don't relay the information instantly. The owner has to periodically remove the device from the car and connect it to a computer to see on a map where the vehicle has been.

About half of the parents who purchase trackers from the store choose live tracking devices, Wilcher said. He said they probably have reasons to need real-time tracking of the family car.

"If you've got a real hooligan for a 16-year-old who just got a new 2006 Mustang ... perhaps you want to track him live," Wilcher said.

Texas law prohibits installing a device to track another person's vehicle, Sui said. However, as long as parents are putting the devices on vehicles they own, it's legal, he said.

Dr. Michael Popkin, an Atlanta-based therapist and author of the Active Parenting series of books, said parents are smart to employ technology to keep track of kids but must be upfront about it.

"When you start hiding bugs in your kid's car, then you're saying, 'We don't trust you,' and you're saying, 'You can't really trust us either, because we're being sneaky about it,'" Popkin said.

The Tracking Corp., based in Dallas, has recently seen firsthand parents' growing interest in sophisticated surveillance equipment. The company makes GPS products, mostly for companies to track their assets.

One hand-held device used to track vehicles was originally made for private investigators, said Peter Stamos, the company's chief executive.

The Sharper Image approached the company this year about refashioning the product for parents, Stamos said.

The Locate 1 began selling on SharperImage.com this month for about $500. It's about the size of a cellphone and provides levels of real-time tracking for a monthly fee of $15 to $50.

Parents offer different reasons for wanting the device, Stamos said.

"The high-profile reason is to protect their kids from predators," Stamos said. "I think for the majority of buyers, the real reason is to just make sure kids are going to stay out of trouble."

Stamos said his company is developing smaller tracking devices, in anklets, chokers and wristbands, for example, so parents can track smaller children.

Big-box retailers are expressing interest in the company's products, he said.

"What we are truly selling is safety, security and peace of mind," Stamos said.

Nara King of Frisco is also taking advantage of the tracking boom. This summer, the Web designer started an online business, Invincakid.com. The site sells child-locating devices from dozens of technology vendors.

King was inspired to start the business after hearing about Jessica Lunsford, a 9-year-old girl in Florida who was killed in 2005.

King recently began using a tracking device on her 2-year-old. Giggle Bug, which she also sells on her site, attaches to her son's clothes and looks like a small toy.

If King lost track of her child, she could push a button on a remote control transmitter, and the device would start beeping loudly. The product also beeps if removed.

King said it provides her with extra peace of mind.

"People want to know where their loved ones are. It's just a dangerous world out there," King said.
 
Dan,
I've thought tracking ID parents were nuts for ages. But there's also a lot more loonies out there. I hope I don't become one of them helicopter parents.

It's still hard letting our three year old daughter learn some of life's lessons, and we have started restricting some of our interference to things that will lose an eye, crack a skull etc, and let the trips spills and bangs occur.
 
"If you've got a real hooligan for a 16-year-old who just got a new 2006 Mustang ... perhaps you want to track him live," Wilcher said.


Why would you buy your hooligan 16 year old a new Mustang?

I know it's just an example but it is more common than not I think. I am against 16 year olds being able to drive alone anytime anyway. Long story and a whole other thread.

I agree with the idea.
 
Where ever this goes...I don't care. When my 2.8 year old daughter matures enough to use a cell phone and care for one, I'm getting her one with all that stuff in it. I want to know where she is at all times, PERIOD. Don't give me this story on envading privacy or whatever...I want to know. There is just TOO MUCH craziness out there NOT to be in her business full time. If she don't like it, she can move out when she's 18. Until then, she's my responsibility and that's just the way it is.
 
My parents were in all my business until I reached 18, and I never understood why until I became an adult. Seeing the world as it is today, I'm glad I won't be bringing children into it, but if I did, he / she would definitely be carrying one of those Disney GPS phones. Their comings and goings IS my business until they move out of my house.

And...I, nor anyone else will be buying my 16 year old a 2006 anything. I got my first job at 15 and saved for my first car, which was an 8 year old Chevy Monza which I was wholly responsible for maintaining and insuring. My parents COULD have paid for it all, but they wisely chose not to, and I came to understand why years later when I began to see high-school age kids driving around in Escalades. They're irresponsible, disrespectful, and have no appreciation for what they have because they know if they wrap it around a tree, daddy will pay for a new one. Is this the mindset we want future generations of adults in this country? Spoiled, irresponsible and convinced that everyone owes them a living?
 
Personally I think the cellphone can lead to a lack of decision making ability for a child. Kids from 12 - 22 call their parents for many decisions that I remember making on my own (mostly for better or worse).

I visited a cousin at college and was amazed she called her parents as often as she did on things that were personal decisions. When I attented 14 years ago my father called me every 1-2 weeks however little decision was made.


People state the world is "crazier". However I think its more a blantant in the news media making us all aware of what has mostly always happened anyway.

I have a 7 month old so no idea what I will do with the whole cell phone thing. She defintely likes to eat/play with mine
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quote:

Originally posted by CBDFrontier06:
Spoiled, irresponsible and convinced that everyone owes them a living?

They're also likely to vote for people that pander to that mob too
pat.gif


My oldest daughter is now 13 and I told her that she'll get my old minivan at 16 - if she keep on doing very well at school. By then it will be 10 years old and >250K miles. She is free to buy and insure another car with her own money if the minivan isn't good enough for her. She already knows the deal too - we expect her to drive her younger siblings to their activities and do some food shopping occasionally.

We are definitely not helicopter parents, but we do know where our kids are and they won't be out roaming the malls in the afternoon or the streets at midnight.

GPS is no substitute for parenting.
 
I think the idea of tracking your kids with a GPS cell phone just underscores the lack of trust that parents have developed for their own children. My parents trusted me a great deal when I was a kid. I would leave the house in the morning and spend all day with my friends, returning only for mealtimes. We would ride all over hill and dale and my parents rarely knew where we were. We rarely got into trouble and when we did, we learned from it. I also NEVER wore safety gear, have yet to break a bone, NEVER cracked my skull and rarely even skinned a knee. As a parent, I intend to let my kid do the same thing as soon as he's old enough to watch out for himself. Screw all these new tracking devices. TRUST YOUR KIDS, parents. If you don't, they'll return the favor and you'll wonder why your kid turned out to be so rebellious. I've seen it many times. You trust them, they trust you. It's as simple as that. Provide them the guidance they need and let them make the decisions.
 
Funny...I was given that level of trust when I was 16, and drank and partied as much as I could get away with it. I even got busted by a factulty member in high school for alcohol possession, but since we had a mutual friend outside of school, she didn't pursue it with the principle's office and I didn't get in trouble. I don't even want to tell you about the sh*t I did when my parents left town for vacation when I was 17.

Using the "t" word in order to avoid watching what your kids do in your absense is asking for stuff to go on behind your back that you really need to be aware of. To this day I wonder how I didn't end up in rehab or with a DUI, or worse. I can't advise turning a blind eye to a teenager's activities and giving them your full unconditional trust. They're likely to break it, and sometimes in a tragic way as demonstrated with a few guys I went to school with who are now dead from very bad alcohol related car accidents. I know what I was capable of, and I was actually a mild case compared to some of the people I hung out with. There's no way a kid of mine will go unwatched. GPS wouldn't be a substitute for parenting in my household...it would be a very handy supplement.
 
Matt, dude, don't know how old you are, but your living in DreamLand if you think trust alone will guide your children in today's world. I'm not advocating mis-trust or my parenting skills, but I'd use this as CBD said, a handy supplement. I'd also make a deal with my daughter, if she does what she says she will, be where she says she will for a period of time, then I won't HAVE to keep that tight of a noose on her. I'm going to let HER make that determination and prove to me. This is a tool, that in the future, that no parent can live without. Have you seen the number of abductions lately? There are some sick 8astards out there and I vow with every breath to keep my girl away from them. STAYING in their business is every parents MIMIMAL responsibility. Just because they get older, don't mean they get smarter.
 
quote:

Originally posted by Matt_S:
Thanks, OH21. I'd also like to add one more thing: lead by example. I don't think there's anything more important a parent can do. You can preach until you're blue in the face, but if your actions don't correspond with your words, your kids will ignore everything you have to say.

I don't really understand how something like this can work, considering adults are legal to do anything they like (within the law, of course) If I'm understanding your statement, in order to keep your kids off alcohol, tobacco, etc., you don't do any of those things either? Don't get me wrong, not drinking, not smoking, etc are all a personal choice and should be respected, but are you actually denying yourself all the things you've earned the right to do as an adult so that your kids won't do any of them? Sorry, but if so I have to respectfully disagree and assert that, as minors, there are some things in this world that they have to learn are "do as I say, not as I do" without holding the adult responsible for his / her actions. Who's the parent in that situation? As a legal adult, my kids wouldn't be dictating what I do and don't do.
 
CBD - trust is not something you just give 100% to someone. Trust has to be earned...

Schmoe - Exactly, your daughter earns your trust by following your rules. As time goes on, more and more freedom can be given - it is a test - to see if those same rules will be kept when there is an opportunity to do otherwise.

I still think Matt_S has a good point. If you as a parent tell your kid to do something and you don't do it yourself - don't expect that kid to follow it. Example: A single parent family I know - the mom goes out and parties late with boyfriends. At home she tells her kids to do the opposite. And guess what? Her kids leave the house without her knowing to go and party with other guys.

Obviously, you don't stop cooking on the stove to teach your 3 year old to not touch a hot stove. I think this is more applicable to teens who have had good parenting and follow rules.


In my life: My father preached and teached at me but rarely followed his own advice. My mom was quite opposite and never said much. In the end, I find myself more like my mom (because thats who I wanted to be like) when I grew up. My dad and I do not get along to this day.

Obviously, not all teenagers are like this. But from what I observed - most of the teens who partied/got into drugs throughout high school - their parents didn't care what their kids did and/or were always fighting with their teens - even in the parking lot after school.
 
I think it's an unrealistic expectation that kids aren't going to make mistakes.

All these helecopter parents trying to over-protect their children.

The bottom line is that kids are going to make mistakes. Adults still make mistakes. Car accidents and DUI's are not the sole domain of the under 18 crowd.

If you can't trust you kids enough that you have to follow every move on GPS, why are your kids even out of your sight?
 
quote:

Originally posted by Schmoe:
Where ever this goes...I don't care... There is just TOO MUCH craziness out there NOT to be in her business full time. If she don't like it, she can move out when she's 18. Until then, she's my responsibility and that's just the way it is.

Well put Schmoe - - reminds me of those PSAs Carroll O'Connor did after he lost his son to suicide. He basically promoted the above, and nothing less, as a parent's duty.
 
I'm a prime example of how teenagers will lie through their teeth to your face about what's really going on. I did it all the time. GPS won't prevent that, but since few teens have sense enough to make the right decision when the peer pressure is on, I wouldn't mind having the tools to help them in that department. Life is busy enough with jobs, taking care of kids, taking care of house, etc without having to spend time in court, bailing them out of jail, visiting principals, taking them to re-hab when some of that stuff can be avoided with a little diligence until they've learned the difference between right and wrong. I got away with 99% of the stuff I pulled, but I'm noticing that parents my age are really having a tough time because their kids aren't as smart about it as I was. I did the deeds, and I took care of the consequences. I tend to think the consequences are falling more on the parents now, and its those consequences I'd like to avoid as a parent.
 
Who says a parent HAS to bail out their kids and protect them from the consequences.

I was told as a teen I had ONE get out of jail free card. Once I used it, if I ever ended up in jail again, I was staying.

I still haven't used it.
 
quote:

Originally posted by CBDFrontier06:
... I tend to think the consequences are falling more on the parents now, and its those consequences I'd like to avoid as a parent.

Yeah, I've noticed that as well... I'm wondering if that isn't helping kids become less and less responsible.
frown.gif


Kind of scary when someone does something wrong they immediately look at the parents to try to figure out what went wrong during childhood.
 
Nobody HAS to bail their kids out...but many will. My boss, for one. My doctor, for another. Shoplifting and possession of marijuana. Nice. Naaaa..we don't need to watch them..just tell them what to do / not do to and turn them loose. They'll be ok.
 
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