Headlines from 2029

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25,044
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ON, Canada eh?
In an e-mail I received... HEADLINES FROM YEAR 2029 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, Formerly known as California.. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock. Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.. Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica . No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation! Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba. Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States. Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches with Only 3 illegitimate children. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines. Now, send this to whomever you want and as many as you want; then, guess what....NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile or very very scared. I Love This Country! It's The Government That Scares Me!
 

StevieC

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25,044
Location
ON, Canada eh?
 Originally Posted By: LT4 Vette
I'm surprised no mention of GM.
Because the person that wrote this knew that GM didn't have a hope in heck...
 
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Spring HIll
 Originally Posted By: Quattro Pete
 Quote:
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
yeah, that found my funny bone too!
 
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23,591
 Originally Posted By: StevieC
Headlines from 2029
 Code:
             
From The Weekly World News, January 3, 2029:






               NEW WORLD REDORD SET ON FAMOUS OIL FORUM!


         On January 2nd, 92 year old Gary Allan from Silent Hill, 
PA, and the poster only known as Tempest, 87, a life-long Las Vegas,
NV, resident, have set a new world record when making on one of 
BITOG's (Bob Is The Oil Guy) many forums the one millionth post  in 
what is now the longest forum thread in the 40 year history of the 
WWW (World Wide Web).

         The new world record did however come at a price, not com-
pletely unexpected by some, when, immediately after the media was
alerted of new world record was, forum head administrator X [un-
named for privacy and safety concerns] locked the massive thread. 
Asked if they would resume their contentious topic elsewhere, Gary
Allan, while looking a little tired, said, "Well, I'm not done with 
this topic," while Tempest declared, "We haven't even started yet!"

         We can only presume that we have no yet heard the last of 
those two feisty word warriors!

 
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